No Offense to all you Smart Idiots…
I know you’re just trying to be smart… What is a smart idiot, but someone who’s learned how to fool a stupid idiot like me! Why do they call it Thanksgiving for anyway? What do I have to be thankful for? Poverty? I had to settle for pigeon… It’s all I could afford! And now I know why they call it stuffing. It bummed me up for a week! But no! Smart Idiots fool all trusting saps like me by saying: ‘It’s got sage it it, so it’s good for your digestion!’ Cement has water in it, so I may as well have ate that too, cuz it’s good for keeping it soft…
What they don’t tell you is that you have to start out with a turkey, that’s heavier than your oven, and stuff it’s Grand Canyon with a stale French stick, to keep it crispy, then loosing your brains, you soak this concrete, called bread, in butter fat which softens your Butterball bread up again, and adheres it together like crazy glue, ensuring high cholesterol, and adding four further bum you up eggs, and by the time you finish up this, in my case, a gigantic pigeon, that’s what you end up looking like! Great! A Holiday for Gluttons! Isn’t that a novel idea!
Only kind of Idiot wants to find a Tornado?
Once they do, providence ensures it’s always an F5! Now seeing this enormous 600 mile an hour , swirling, huge mass of dust, debris, and and transport truck hurdling toward him out-standing in his field watching this freak of nature plowing toward him at break-neck speed!
So what’s his first thought? [If I run sideways to it, maybe I can out run it! Mean-while, the guy in the transport truck is honking his horn at the guy running across the field, like he thinks our idiot can really get out of the way! So the idiot grabs onto the first thing she can find… I rickety,old, barbed wire fence post! You can see where this is going, can’t you!
So our Idiot here gets wrapped up in a barbed wire fence and gets deposited beside a cigar store Indian! So then a Detective comes along, thinks it’s a serial killing, and starts checking out all cigar stores looking for people wrapped in barbed wire… Then after assessing all your piles of tooth picks, you all decide, lets buy a Trailer Park!
And what do We do with our collective Intelligences?
Like the second of the three, little pigs (pigs? Little?), we build our houses out of tooth picks in Tornado Alley! Then when run right out in the open to catch bacon sandwiches dropping from the sky! Look! If a tornado can exchange furniture between houses, causing people to settle for cheap sofas, it can certainly make bacon sandwiches from three, fat, little pigs! It’s not my business, but why not just move into the storm itself and be done with it?
What’s the Porpoise to Build a City beside an Ocean?
What we really have here, is an entire city full of big, Dummies, hanging around, waiting for a Tsunami to hit! Now I ask you… How many low I.Q.’s can you cram into one spot? The ocean burps, you’re on the beach, and see a 300 foot wave coming in. So you say to yourself: [I know! I’ll go hide in my apartment!] What can you be thinking? First off, you’re going to out run this wave through sand? And secondly, I hope your apartment’s downtown cuz that’s where the wave will take you… Put on your inflated,rubber ducks, cuz here it comes!
Let’s Live beside a Volcano…
Why don’t you just decide to die in a freak mud slide instead? I know! See that smoking mountain over there? That looks like the perfect place to build our combustible shack! ‘Now children! I told you before… Put that lava rock down, they can still be hot!’ You’re going to end up looking like my Thanksgiving Pigeon! Welcome to Japan: ‘AWE! THE MONSTER! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!’
A World that gives You the Shakes!
How does it feel living in a world where obvious stupidity is the order of the day? I know! We could always search the world wide for a volcano inside an Earthquake zone, so your waitress can ask you: ‘Would you like fries with your shake?’
Here’s a great idea! Let’s build a bustling metropolis on something Spanish, like The San Adrea’s Fault line, pray to The Virgin Mary for forgiveness and try to creep away, carrying your favorite bowling ball, just before you fall through a mile deep fisher, trying to read a fast approaching license plate, and hoping to God it’s your car!
This picture above, is the aftermath of the now famous 9.0 Earthquake and ensuing Tsunami that just recently hit Japan! So yes! It is possible to be doubly stupid at the same time!
Here’s a Woppingly Good Idea!
Let’s all board an Airplane with a drunken pilot, an inexperienced Co-pilot, there to learn from the drunk, tinkered with, by a bunch of of half witted mechanics more interested in cutting corners, and extended combination marijuana cabbage roll coffee breaks, while you find yourself reaching for the vomit bag, in a nose dive from 32,000 feet! Afterwards, we can all look forward to a big group of sneaky Spaniards canoing over to loot our purses and wallets… At least we can all be happy to just pollute the ocean instead of the atmosphere! Oh yeah! Us Idiots have genius floating out our ears!