Fitness Shmitness

A Frame of Reference

Before I continue, (This post is so long already!) I’d just like to compliment our chickens for becoming vegetarians!  It shows what a high level of commitment, and fine example, our chickens have shown other chickens, worldwide…  Our chickens are courageous, now living on a free range, just the same way we used to bum around communes, I’m just glad I have the opportunity to present you with this malarkey, and have you swallow it: ‘Bone free!  As free as the wind blows!  As free as my toes knows…  Bone free!’

Just as a frame of reference, if our chickens can be this committed to a healthy life-style, then so can you!  Once we reach 50, our health becomes almost as important to us all, as is gambling, theft, and sapping the life-blood from our neighbors…  Not only are we committed to losing fat today, but finding it again tomorrow, as it migrates to another part of our bodies!  Join me now, as we take a trip down: ‘Bulbous Lane’, and find a way to keep from blotting out the sun!

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After just 6 weeks of regular exercise, and only one celery stick, you too can lose as much weight as the woman pictured above!  Notice the complete absence of fat, as well as one arm that looks too large from saluting people, as she commits to running 700 miles per hour, for just 15 seconds a week!  She says,  and I quote: ‘It’s all the time I can spare, so I have to make the most of it!’  What a fine physique you could have, if you’d only take this as seriously as a walking cadaver…  See?  This woman is so thin, she doesn’t even have a shadow!

Avoid Poor Choices

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Contrary to popular belief, running away, and joining The Circus won’t necessarily set you free…  These three thought ‘Hippo Suction’ wood bee an easy solution to shedding unwanted fatty deposits, only to gain the weight back again, because of their unhealthy life-style, trying to be noticed under ‘The Big Top!’  As you can see, harming it up, is not the answer to losing weight…

Begin With A Healthy Diet

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Don’t be fooled into believing that if not eating makes your body produce fat cells, then eating more will make you thinner.  As pictured above, a well-balanced diet is the key to a healthier you.  Listen to the wise advice of your parents, and eat everything off your plate, including the tin foil…

Exercise Regularly

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I actually bought my first pair of professional running shoes, designed to make you run faster for no apparent reason, from The Running Room!  I got sucked into paying a lot for them too!  Now you may or may not believe that running in a grueling marathon under the blistering, hot, sun, is a good idea for loosing weight…  But after throwing your guts up, and ending up rejecting Hospital food for three weeks, then yes!  You will lose weight!

Take Dietary Supplements

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As miraculous as this sounds, I saw this one girl snort this strange, white, powder, and she lost 57 pounds in one week!  I think she just primarily forgot to eat real food, and took to gnawing on furniture instead.  There are all kinds of ways to lose weight.  Follow my advice, and you won’t learn any of them!  Yes, too much of a good thing isn’t the answer either!

I say: Fitness Shmitness!  What’s so bad about gorging yourself constantly anyway?  Do Supermarkets have to close when you leave?  Are you: ‘One giant leap for Mankind!’ all by yourself?  Well take heart now, and swallow this CRAP!  Subcutaneous fat is beautiful!  ‘There’s just more there to love!’ 

Why lose weight when you can just hunt down another phat person?  At least you’ll look thin to each other.  Isn’t love still love no matter if it shifts the Earth out of orbit or not?  Even so, it’s more important just to have a good day…  So the next time another Elephant says she has a crush on you, she may really mean it!  And after all, isn’t love a kind of ‘Fitness Shmitness’ too?

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Discipline

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I just don’t have the time

There are all kinds of excuses we can come up with why not to stick with something:  most especially if it takes hard work. And there’s no doubt in my mind that running is hard work!  Sometimes I’ll come home all exhausted, then lift my weights, do my push-ups, take my bath, drink my chlorophyll, and go to bed for an hour just to recoup myself… 

And I sometimes find myself asking: ‘Why do I do it?’  I know it’s to stay thin, young and healthy.  Yet I had some misconceptions about what that would mean for me.  I thought the added discipline would help me to resist eating the wrong foods, but found out instead, where I was strong in one way, I was weak in another!  Carmel Pecan Yogurt Ice-cream became too much of a temptation for me, and I began to put the pounds right back on!  How disheartening?

How to trick your mind

I could see I was beginning to revert to my old ways, skipping running days, just so I could have some more Carmel Pecan Yogurt ice-cream, and go back to sleep!  I new this was very serious, and discovered although running greatly improved my health and sense of well being, instead of giving me more energy like I thought it would do, it just made me tired.  And instead of sticking with apples, ice-cream was what I really craved!  I was in deep doo doo and I knew it!

So I turned to a little thing I like to call: ‘The powers of persuasion’.  Oh yes!  You can rationalize why you ‘will’ do something, under the same premise and reasoning behind why you ‘won’t’…  So I reasoned: do I really want to be on one of those fad diet pills like Lypozine?  (If you don’t know how to spell a word, how can you look it up in the dictionary?) Anyway, any word that begins with the prefix: ‘Lypo’ should have the word ‘suction’ following it!  And we all know that can kill you!  

Yes you’ll loose fat, just as they claim…  But your heart and lungs will remain weak.  And you can forget about improved circulation, a better immune system, oxygen to the brain etc..  Batteries not included!  And they’re talking subcutaneous fat which lies just under the skin, and not viscus fat that surrounds your organs and does all the real damage.  See?  What appears to be so on the surface isn’t necessarily true.  A convincing argument does not make a thing a fact!

And then I asked myself: Is this not what I always do?  I stay with something difficult to keep up with for a while, and then find all kinds of reasons why I don’t want to do it!  Isn’t that why my life has failed in so many ways?  And what would others think who look up to me?  What kind of example would I be setting for them?  And no doubt, though a pleasant way to go,  I would die a lot sooner than expected.  So having finally scared the living daylights out of myself, I got back into my routine promptly, and kissed the yogurt ice-cream goodbye…  And that friends, is how to trick your mind.

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Here is a picture of a world globe that my best friend Romeo, alias: Bone Head, alias: Chrome Dome gave me for my birthday last June 26th.  He gave me the clowns too…  I suppose that’s me and Leslie.  Hehehehehehe…  Notice how I took all the clutter off the end table and polished it all up for the picture.  Actually, a crustacean lives there, and I was invading his territory at the time!

‘Till We Meet Again

I Must be Moving On

‘The greatest loss in life isn’t death.  The greatest loss, is what we loose while we’re still alive!’ – Norman Cousins.  Isn’t it funny how the best laid plans of mice and men get a crinkle in them, just at the time you plan to implement them?  Day before yesterday, My ‘Stats’ went through the roof!  Sixteen of you viewed 12.44 of my posts.  That’s amazing!  Now I know that at least 16 of you out of my 254 followers, are truly interested in what I have to say!  Of corpse you big shots out there, might not find that significant at all.  I, on the other hand, consider that an entire class room, including myself!  I owe you all a warm hearted thank you, from the bottom of my feet!  And you know I mean that!  Here’s the screen shot:

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The Facts of Life

Since I got my new operating system up and running, I’ve been able to download pictures now.  Plus my programs for design and Illustrations are also available to me.  I’ve been grappling with Painter 2015 help file: some 1200 pages of gobbled-y goop I must get the general jist of, if I’m to familiarize myself with the program.  Plus I’ve been doing the million and one things I need to do everyday to take care of my health, looking after my Love Goddess: ‘Satan’s Imp’, handling all the cooking and housework, run errands and pay bills, and taking care of Bone Head, what thinks it lives here, and there are only so many hours in the day.  Meanwhile, there’s over 350 posts you can meander through at your convenience.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that if I plan to bring you more pictures and learn Illustration, I’m going to have to vacate the premises for a while.  That is, at least until I find myself smooth sailing in these other aspects of exploration which are just as important to me as blogging is!  I will show up from time to time with a brain storm, if I ever get one, but will generally be absent for a while.  These are just the facts of life.  I can’t be an omnipresent God just yet.  Gee!  Wouldn’t ya know it? Just when things were beginning to look up for me.  I am extremely pleased by this too!  Just at a loss to juggle all that I have on my plate just now.  I do trust my true friends will wait for me… ‘Til we meet again…

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Running in The Winter

Two women run down Mountain Avenue in a snowstorm.

Gearing Up

The first thing you have to remember is to get dressed!  Why is it that the best pictures are always inevitably of women?  It always gives me the feeling that men don’t exist!  This all looks fine and prissy and all that, yet there’s something missing from this photo if you run in Canada: clothes!  Here, you usually have several feet of snow, so you can just replace the sneakers with heavy boots, and 65 pound gloves!  And running in jackets like that up here, will find you both frozen in a dashing position, cuz the answer my friend, is blowing in the wind, so add the weight of a heavy coat with a hood. Replace the super hero leotards with long johns and jeans, and you’re carrying around a lot of extra weight threw heavy snow!

I arrive home with the back of my legs in excruciating pain!  No bout I doubt it, winter running is exhausting!  So…  I have a few tricks left up my long sleeved shirt and sweater that may just help to take the chicken out of you that also resides in me. Yes, I too look out my door and wonder if I should just take my suicide pill and go for a nap…

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Wait for The Snow-Plow

In the summer, I try to get out before 8 am. because I like the smell of early morning dew on my nose! In the winter, I wait until at least 9:30 am. to give the snow plows a chance to at least clear some of the way for me.  Why?  It’s because here I was running at top speed, yet still staying in one place, when I chanced to glance across the street and seen that the snow-plow had been through and cleared a path.  So I crawled across the road and felt such a relief to surpass the speed of dark, one mile a month!  Much easier than sucking your boots out of the snow!