What’ya Think of Me Now?

High…

I did a bad thing!  I ruined my six month sabbatical not to drink, because my wife smashed up the car!  So…  Do ya wanna fight?  Ya know?  Sometimes ya gotta stand up and be a wimp!  Before, I had a way to explore Canada!  Now?  I can only go where a bicycle can take me…  In the state I’m in, I view that as a victory, and I’ll tell you why.  somebody tried to push me around once!   I fixed his little, red wagon!  You should have seen it…  The spokes were all bent!  It needed a fresh coat of paint!  The steering was all crooked and bent!  I guess he showed me whose boss!

I’d now like to present to you, compliments of all foolishness. my impression of Walter Brennan : “Ha ha ha!  I’ll never forget the time Little luke went down by the crick and went fishing’…  So I started calling’ him:  I said: LITTLE LUUUUUKE!!  LITTLE LUUUUUUKE!   He didn’t come…  So I went down and tanned his ass with two by four!!  Ha ha ha!’

 

I’m a Hippo Twit!

A ‘twit’ is a pregnant goldfish.  I’ll bet you didn’t know that!  There’s a lot of things you don’t know…  Such as, my step father Frank Kelly used to beat me and my brother!  My Father had anal Intercourse with my brother…  Then my brother did it to me when I was 12…  BTW… When I was 18, [BELCH!!]  I booted him in the knee for having anal sex with my first wife:  Kathy.  She was from Holland, and Holland has the most beautiful women in the world.  betcha didn’t know that either huh?  The smart ones knew…  But where does smarts leave off and genius begin?  I stopped this ‘assault on me’ with me!  It stopped with me!  I rapped no one in my family!  Me best friend and I <SOB> had an affair when we were both 14!  Since then, neither of us have ever spoke about it but remained friends only because we’re both Musicians.

Do I feel guilt?  Very much so!  Guilt that I was subject to it again by my dominant friend!  I let it happen, and even enjoyed it slightly…  He just lied on top of me though.  There was no penetration!  Why am I telling the world all of this? 1.)  Because I had to get drunk to make sense of it! and c.) Because I want you all to know that it’s something that’s passed on: much like the flu or leprosy…  I don’t ever feel good about it!

You can’t blame me though…  I blame myself enough for the lot of you!  And it must come out of the closet, so we can better understand that many children are raped!  And then they become sick, and do the same to others!

But it didn’t just affect my sexual gender preference, confuse me, and feel disgusted about myself enough to consider suicide, it ruined my self-esteem!  It robbed me of my worth as a human being and side tracked me from my ambition in life!

So Where Do We Go From Here?

Keep an eye on your children.  Watch for signs. Ask them every 3 months if anyone has ever touched them inappropriately.  If you love them, you must guard them!  They are sweet and innocent, your children!  Don’t let them loose that at the age of seven!  Do you have any idea how hard this was for me to do?  But to me?  It feels good that a little more can get out there, that we are a race of perverts, if you want to know the truth about it!  If you wanna leave, go!  I don’t want judgemental people on my site anyway! :O(

BTW!  I first had sex with a girl when I was 7!  And it was my own cousin because my parents were on an alcoholic binge, which usually lasted for months at a time!  Remember: ‘A Streetcar Named Desire?’  Well I’m Blanch…  LOL!  I didn’t say this because I want some kind of sick recognition.  I said it because I know love and have known nothing but love all my life!  And if I’m to be accused?  Why, I’ll jump out my basement window and commit suicide!!  I guess, to get to Heaven, ya gotta go through a little Hell…  Don’t think I’m proud of any of this, because I’m not!

Advertisements

Green Eyes

_0007_Green_Eyes


Guess what?  I have green eyes!  And they do turn blue or grey sometimes…  Also, my psychological profile classifies me as a ‘rare green’…  Anyone who’s ever taken a psychology course knows what I mean.  There are four different character references according to color: Green, Blue, Orange, and Gold.  A rare anyone means ‘destined for greatness.’  It never happened so, must be BS…  Maybe if I actually tried?  Look it up.  It’s interesting!

Accidents Will Happen…

_0006_airplane-crash

The odds of a plane smashing into a care a fairly remote yet, accidents will happen!

 

Chain Reactions

The real creepy part about accidents for me, is that they always seem to happen in three’s for me:  First, I lost my friends, then I lost my glasses, and then I lost my footing, which deserves a whole paragraph of its own.  Anyway, this particular set of events have been life changing for me, and if there’s one thing a depressoid doesn’t need, it’s menopause!  If I put my moody boots on, I shut down, so it’s very important for me to remain as I am: ‘A level 5.3 Earthquake…’  Or in my case: ‘Earth-quack.’

There’s a real spooky accident that happens to everyone every seven years.  The cells in our bodies have completed one entire cycle of death and rebirth, except for one crucial problem.  Whenever your body replicates its DNA code, it suffers a loss to be able to accurately do so, in much the same way jpg files tend to deteriorate when you recopy them over and over, until the code is so muddled the computer (your brain), can’t open the file (you), and you die.

As you know, I’m 63 now, and my code has successfully turned over for the ninth time ( 7 x 9 = 63), so mathematically anyway, I was bound to screw up in a way that I wouldn’t normally have!  This in turn gives birth to my next paragraph…  (postponed do to a temporary coma.)  Please keep in mind that the crucial element to this toxic mix, is my awareness of the environment around me, or rather, lack there-of…  Guess I failed to account for gravity :O(

 

The Human Projectile

 

_0006_human-cannonball

 

This accident happened to me the very day I decided to start running again, after three torturous weeks not running because I’m depressed and stuffing myself with: ‘Carmel crunch ice-cream yogurt’…  See, according to my calculations, because it said 97% fat free, I could easily eat fifty 2 liter tubs a day without getting fat.  Boy was I wrong!  It has a lot of sugar, and sugar you don’t burn off, turns into fat.  It’s not that I’m naive.  It’s that I stupidly convince myself everything will be OK or else Chapman’s Ice-cream would get sued for false advertising.  Little was i aware, people like this form of suicide!  OK!  I’m naive…  Did you know that naive spelled backwards is: ‘evian’?  Just a heads up for people who drink bottled water.  I’ve tested it, and yes, it is tap water!  I’m flying off topic here!

So here I was, a month ago, this porker, from 10,000 tubes of lying ice-cream yogurt, and I swear, if you undressed me, I’d look just like an uncooked turkey running down the street!  As I’m running, at full tilt, I see swarms of children in front of me that have just been let out of a movie theater at the top of the street.  Three boys straggled behind and just so happened to be hoarding the entire sidewalk.  So what do they know?  they’re kids!  Right?  Anyway, I just made one foot-step on the grass, to go around them, and suddenly, I was I human projectile!  I twirled through the air!  I twirled over their heads, and landed on the cement in front of them, right on my rib cage!  Fortunately for me, my momentum, and the fact that I was twirling rolled me onto my bulbous stomach, preventing me from breaking my ribs!  Also fortunate for me, was that it was on my left side, which is not the side that I sleep on.

My Doctor gave me nothing for the pain: just sent me home with a free sucker and told me I’d survive!  And I’m sure I suffered psychological brain damage!  (2 + 2 = 5).  See?  The next month saw only excruciating pain, mostly to breathe, so I stopped doing that for as long as I could…  I breathed shallow, couldn’t run, got more depressed and ate more yogurt ice-cream to feel better momentarily while sustaining a watermelon of a stomach at the same time: one, huge gas ball which gravely affected my ulcer!  I feel better after three consecutive days of running…  What did I trip on?  A rusted sewage pipe sticking up over the ground, camouflaged by over-grown grass.

Anyway, That’s the BS I’m presenting as to why I’ve been off-line for a month.  Oh!  I have one other piece of CRAP!  We had to step down on our internet payments, so now I must conserve time by composing my blogs on Live-Writer while unplugging my modem, and having to plug it back in and wait fro it to reboot when I want to find a picture or comment to a comment.  So please don’t think I don’t care, though I don’t, it’s just that I couldn’t see, couldn’t stop shaking (unless I’d like to vegetate and I don’t want to do that), couldn’t breathe and have less money because everything keeps going up in price!

Not to worry…  Other than the the bottle of saturated animal fat I was force fed yesterday, I’m back to my usual death by enjoying the pleasures of life, accident prone self.  Sorry for the inconvenience, and I’ll see you when it’s financially equitable for me.  Please send your donations to:  Total Loser, 999 Booby-hatch Drive, etc..  At least with my last three accidents, I had the human decency to fly off my 10 speed first!  Comments are welcome on why you think you’re a klutz…

3 Bloggers You Should Know

Introduction:

I have been nominated for a challenge by: ‘Thumbup’ at – http://livelovelaughdotme2.com/2015/06/12/on-the-second-day/comment-page-1/#comment-17250 to come up with 3 Bloggers I would recommend.  In the past, I have recommended people for their blogging talents, and expertise on various subjects of interest.  We’re going to do things differently for a change: not that these people lack in talent or expertise at all.  I have chosen these people in particular, for their ability to be and make friends!  This is advantageous to anyone looking for some tiny bit of recognition amongst a sea of over 35 million bloggers!  Naturally, they are not the only ones.  However, it’s difficult to find them!  They truly enjoy reading other people and are the very asset that allows this community to grow and flourish…  They belong to that very illusive group we can truly call: ‘Friends’, and we need them like the air we breathe!  Next time, I hope to include men.  LOL!

1)  Galesmind: http://galesmind.com/ Here’s someone who would reblog you, even if you weren’t a member!  LOL!  She can gather up 30 likes easily, and you know what that means.  If she reblogs you and her followers like it, they could very well visit you, and become a follower.  When I first met her, I couldn’t attract a mosquito let alone bloggers.  However, since I did (2 months ago) things have changed drastically for the better on my blog, and I largely have her to thank!  Give her a visit, and find out what friends are for!  You’ll be so glad you did!  She’s that ‘One in a million’ kind of person you may have been missing out on.  She breeds new blogging sites, like rabbits breed little bunnies!  Go give her a boo!  And don’t just leave one of those: ‘That’s nice…’ quips.  Talk to her!

2)  Catherine Mary: https://katynana.wordpress.com/ Now here’s a Catholic name if you’ve ever heard one!  Actually, I knew Katie from two years ago.  She has just now got back after a two-year ‘hiatus’ as she calls it.  If there’s anyone who can cut through all the chit-chat CRAP, and get down to reside within the very meat of your soul, it’s Katie!  Though her communication skills are excellent, and she won’t hesitate to run you through reams of thoughts and makes you feel so at ease, it’s so much more than this.  This lady is the epitome of compassion, and advocates it over anything else!  Her positive self,  will rub off on you like white on rice!  It’s so hard to just pick up from 2 years ago and start again.  Wanna feel warm and good all over?  Wanna feel like you’ve always belonged?  Visit Catherine Mary!  She’ll give you the stamina to go on, just when you feel like giving up…  If you don’t have a friend in the world, you do now!

3) LadyPinkRose: https://herladypinkrose.wordpress.com/2015/06/14/after/ What can I say about this daffodil?  She loves flowers!  And since she recently got a new 100 mm Canon Macro-lens, she’s been wowing everyone with some really spectacular images she adds pertinent sayings to…  Wanna know someone who’s more than just talk?  Then here’s a girl after your own heart!  When I first met her, I was so sad!  And what’s the first thing she says to me?  ‘I’m so sad!’  LOL!  Since then, neither one of us has been able to stop laughing!  Amy can aim at her topic with the accuracy of a blow dart!  She can be dead serious, or tickle you near to death!  She has a post about her trip to Niagara Falls that nearly made me pee myself!  She’s more addictive to me than Heroin would be!  And if anyone tried to take her from me, they’d have to pry her from my dead body!  LOL!  Wanna know somebody who really DOES change the world for the better?  Then you’ll want to know Amy!  Can’t really say I could have made my way here without her… MG_2089_thumb.jpg

The: ‘Eat Flab’ Miricle Diet…

Hi Friends! 

Are you tired of grazing on your front lawn, digging for grubs, weeds, and roots, when you just know, that somewhere, someone, is sinking their milk-teeth into a cow?  Have you dashed out the door for exercise at 6am., only to wind up on a park bench, sleeping until the sun goes down?  Does the dial on your bathroom scale read ‘0’ when you try to weigh yourself?  Do you look like this?

_0006_Skinny

Well worry no more!  Our Scientists have been working now for 15 years without sleep, and have found a previous unheard of way to put some meat on your bones.  Through intensive, sloppy observations of real, glutinous, pigs, we have finally found a way of having you look like ‘The Blob’ in not time!

Step One:

Overweight guy on couch, in front of the TV,  drinking beer and eating popcorn

Our Scientists (all graduates from Holy Cross Public School!) went to real, fat people’s homes, studying their inactivity for 15 years without sleep, and concluded that drinking beer while watching TV, is an excellent way to heap on valuable flab within the span of a football game!  Isn’t that amazing!

Step Two:

As a valuable consumer of everything, we’ll send you this authentic beached whale!  Actually, it’s just a shot of a sardine in a tin, through a macro lens, but the two look very similar!  All you pay, is shipping and handling… Eat 40 lbs. of nutritious flab a day to achieve desired results… Our Scientists, still sleepless in Seattle, have conclusively proven that a healthy 6 inches of blubber shields one from the cold, and readily absorbs high impact projectiles!

_0006_Beached whale

Step: Three:

Enjoy the new you!  The envious will call you rude names like: ‘Slim’ and ‘Gorgeous’…  That’s why, if you act later, we’ll double our offer of absolutely FREE! That’s two FREE’S for the price of one!  Don’t be a gaunt, nothing, forging for plant life, when our fatty deposits are linning supermarket freezers, just waiting for you to gorge on, including the packaging!  Why exercise when it only makes you hungry anyway?  Help keep our planet in a stable orbit!  Join the millions who’ve already joined The: ‘Eat Flab’ Miricle Diet!  Comes with optional fibralator and oxygen tank.  Don’t be skinny and sickly looking a moment longer!  Get flab today!

Directly to you, from our team of advanced Scientists at Country Style Donuts…

_0006_Jaba