This is for all you fony balogna ‘friends’ out there… I know you want perfect people, and I’m not that, so get lost! This includes: ‘Amy Rose!’ I’m cleaning house right now. I got rid of the steaming tea bag, Romeo (Bonehead), cuz he’s just a mooch off me, and I probably will ditch Leslie too, cuz she’s just a lying bitch-witch! Anybody else wants to cross me, you’ll see what you get! Let’s get one thing straight right now… I don’t ‘need’ any of you! I’ve got enough imagination to keep me busy on my own for a lifetime! So go ahead and act like them, and see what happens to you! I’m my own person! You don’t like it? Piss off!!
- Well, for one thing, I have a great character. Yeah that’s it! I have a great character: just like that great movie star: ‘Tyrone Shoelaces’.
- And I know how to treat a lady! At least once a year, I make damn sure we go Dutch at Mac. Donald’s!
- If I’ve had enough broccoli, I can manipulate my butt cheeks, and play: ‘God Save The Queen!’
- I can throw up on command! It’s how I used to get off school… It left me pail, and pasty looking, but I still found a ghoul friend!
- Pick up line # 256 : ‘Can you tell me how to get to Carnage Hall?’ When she answers: ‘Practice!’, make your move!
- Try to look as much like Antonio Banderas as possible! Then sashay up to her and whisper something Spanish in her ear: ‘Tay-co- nosco, Mosco’ ( I know you, Mosquito! )
- After you shave every morning, splash your face with Spanish Fly. Women will sniff you all day, and follow you wherever you go! It’s like cat-nip to them!
- Put on your pink Pimp suit, go downtown and lean against a wall with your legs crossed. When a pretty woman walks by, toss a quarter out into the middle of the sidewalk, like you didn’t even care!
- I let the woman walk ahead of me. It makes them feel tough! It also makes for a great getaway for me…
- I give you my solemn oath as both a thief, and a liar, I will NOT use you, EVER!! Unless of corpse, you’re a cadaver, and I’m behind on my rent!
I just don’t have the time
There are all kinds of excuses we can come up with why not to stick with something: most especially if it takes hard work. And there’s no doubt in my mind that running is hard work! Sometimes I’ll come home all exhausted, then lift my weights, do my push-ups, take my bath, drink my chlorophyll, and go to bed for an hour just to recoup myself…
And I sometimes find myself asking: ‘Why do I do it?’ I know it’s to stay thin, young and healthy. Yet I had some misconceptions about what that would mean for me. I thought the added discipline would help me to resist eating the wrong foods, but found out instead, where I was strong in one way, I was weak in another! Carmel Pecan Yogurt Ice-cream became too much of a temptation for me, and I began to put the pounds right back on! How disheartening?
How to trick your mind
I could see I was beginning to revert to my old ways, skipping running days, just so I could have some more Carmel Pecan Yogurt ice-cream, and go back to sleep! I new this was very serious, and discovered although running greatly improved my health and sense of well being, instead of giving me more energy like I thought it would do, it just made me tired. And instead of sticking with apples, ice-cream was what I really craved! I was in deep doo doo and I knew it!
So I turned to a little thing I like to call: ‘The powers of persuasion’. Oh yes! You can rationalize why you ‘will’ do something, under the same premise and reasoning behind why you ‘won’t’… So I reasoned: do I really want to be on one of those fad diet pills like Lypozine? (If you don’t know how to spell a word, how can you look it up in the dictionary?) Anyway, any word that begins with the prefix: ‘Lypo’ should have the word ‘suction’ following it! And we all know that can kill you!
Yes you’ll loose fat, just as they claim… But your heart and lungs will remain weak. And you can forget about improved circulation, a better immune system, oxygen to the brain etc.. Batteries not included! And they’re talking subcutaneous fat which lies just under the skin, and not viscus fat that surrounds your organs and does all the real damage. See? What appears to be so on the surface isn’t necessarily true. A convincing argument does not make a thing a fact!
And then I asked myself: Is this not what I always do? I stay with something difficult to keep up with for a while, and then find all kinds of reasons why I don’t want to do it! Isn’t that why my life has failed in so many ways? And what would others think who look up to me? What kind of example would I be setting for them? And no doubt, though a pleasant way to go, I would die a lot sooner than expected. So having finally scared the living daylights out of myself, I got back into my routine promptly, and kissed the yogurt ice-cream goodbye… And that friends, is how to trick your mind.
Here is a picture of a world globe that my best friend Romeo, alias: Bone Head, alias: Chrome Dome gave me for my birthday last June 26th. He gave me the clowns too… I suppose that’s me and Leslie. Hehehehehehe… Notice how I took all the clutter off the end table and polished it all up for the picture. Actually, a crustacean lives there, and I was invading his territory at the time!
What Love Has Done For Me
We live in a world of: ‘I ME ME Mine!’ my friend: Survival of the fittest. The adage stands now more vital than it ever has before: ‘God helps those who help themselves’… All well and fine with the broken leg and stuff. Still, if your legs broke, it sucks! Ask people in wheel chairs all their life how ‘loved’ they feel at a baseball game. There are less fortunate among us. That’s just the way the world is. No poem, no matter how sweet, is ever going to change that.
And God who preaches: ‘Thou shalt not kill’ whipped out the entire human race once, in favor of viruses, scorpions, snakes, and spiders… Seems to me, we worship a: ‘Do as I say, and not as I do’ kind of God. The poor and the destitute, seldom have a victory, if ever! Sometimes I believe The Bible is just some stupid notion whipped up for the rich to slap the poor around with. If a star moves in the sky, and then hovers over a place, directing wise-men, to me, it’s a flying saucer!
But no! We get all this poop about a loving God nobody can prove exists who apparently likes suffering, poverty, illness, death, crime, ignorance, stupidity and greed, because those are the things that this world promotes, and no God ever intervenes! Why do you think we’re so interested in getting off this rock altogether then? It’s because the thought that we suffer this CRAP alone is unbearable to us. And mistakenly, we believe we can start someplace else, with the same faults and excuses and make things different… I don’t fall for that bunk anymore! As for Christ? They killed him! Open your mouth, and they’ll kill you too! Go ahead and be a Marter… In the scheme of things, it doesn’t even matter! Merry Stinking Christmas, and a flappy new Queer!