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People think I’m sucking off the system because I’m disabled, when it was in fact the system that disabled me…  People are generally judgemental and self assuming…  Most are envious and suppose I lay around all day sipping lemonade.  Nothing could be farther from the truth!  Work is where you find it, and I do quite a lot without any pay at all.  Not my fault they can’t spell: ‘Career’…  That doesn’t look right…  How do you spell ‘Career’? I do the things I love to do: all of it involves work.  Who needs pay when you have a purpose higher than serving people fatty cow meat?  There’s an ethical question involved too, and a competence factor…  People are always promoted to just the position they can’t master: I see more people suffering as a result of how they’re treated in society via a lack of responsible, congenial, competent public servants, administrators, Doctors, Dentists, etc..  So my theory is:  Everything is backwards… 

If you’re sick for instance, how do they expect you to have the energy to go to a Doctor?  There was a time when they came to you!  What logic is there in fighting disease when you cram people with various viruses in the same waiting room?  In Queens English, work doesn’t work!  Why is it that Tennis Players make millions every year for playing a ‘game’, and construction workers can’t afford to buy their own homes?  Backwards!  You want fair? If everyone helped everyone else, no one need suffer for goods and services at all! 

Those who clean your offices keep the air clean so you don’t get sick!  How are they less valuable than highly paid Scientists who just sit around and think all day?  We tell people not to smoke, and then sell them cigarettes!  What kind of backward CRAP is that?  I tell you, the whole system has to be wiped out, and revised!  If you work a day, you should have a day off to pursue other interests rather than them owning you lock, stock and barrel! (barrel?)  How did that get in there?  Help me build my house, and I’ll help you build yours, rather than someone who didn’t do the work should occupy…  So backwards!!  What say you?

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The: ‘Eat Flab’ Miricle Diet…

Hi Friends! 

Are you tired of grazing on your front lawn, digging for grubs, weeds, and roots, when you just know, that somewhere, someone, is sinking their milk-teeth into a cow?  Have you dashed out the door for exercise at 6am., only to wind up on a park bench, sleeping until the sun goes down?  Does the dial on your bathroom scale read ‘0’ when you try to weigh yourself?  Do you look like this?

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Well worry no more!  Our Scientists have been working now for 15 years without sleep, and have found a previous unheard of way to put some meat on your bones.  Through intensive, sloppy observations of real, glutinous, pigs, we have finally found a way of having you look like ‘The Blob’ in not time!

Step One:

Overweight guy on couch, in front of the TV,  drinking beer and eating popcorn

Our Scientists (all graduates from Holy Cross Public School!) went to real, fat people’s homes, studying their inactivity for 15 years without sleep, and concluded that drinking beer while watching TV, is an excellent way to heap on valuable flab within the span of a football game!  Isn’t that amazing!

Step Two:

As a valuable consumer of everything, we’ll send you this authentic beached whale!  Actually, it’s just a shot of a sardine in a tin, through a macro lens, but the two look very similar!  All you pay, is shipping and handling… Eat 40 lbs. of nutritious flab a day to achieve desired results… Our Scientists, still sleepless in Seattle, have conclusively proven that a healthy 6 inches of blubber shields one from the cold, and readily absorbs high impact projectiles!

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Step: Three:

Enjoy the new you!  The envious will call you rude names like: ‘Slim’ and ‘Gorgeous’…  That’s why, if you act later, we’ll double our offer of absolutely FREE! That’s two FREE’S for the price of one!  Don’t be a gaunt, nothing, forging for plant life, when our fatty deposits are linning supermarket freezers, just waiting for you to gorge on, including the packaging!  Why exercise when it only makes you hungry anyway?  Help keep our planet in a stable orbit!  Join the millions who’ve already joined The: ‘Eat Flab’ Miricle Diet!  Comes with optional fibralator and oxygen tank.  Don’t be skinny and sickly looking a moment longer!  Get flab today!

Directly to you, from our team of advanced Scientists at Country Style Donuts…

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Human Consciousness

Let’s Just Chat First

I went to bed at midnight, and the cat woke me up at 5.30 this morning.  Yet everything feels alright… Seems I really just don’t require my usual 16 hours sleep when I was in a drug induced coma.  It may be because of my greatly improved health or it may be because I’m entering my platinum years.  Not just sure on that one.  I do know my stats are lookin’ lean and mean.  There are 28 views here by just 5 people with a beautiful 5.6 rating!  21 views from The U.S.. of A.  And 7 views from Australia.  Yay!  I know Canada’s on drugs because you’re all still asleep.  LOL!  Of corpse there’s some 15 hours difference between here and Australia.  Down there, it’s starting to get warm out and you’re just getting ready to tuck in for the night.  Like I always tell you: ‘Everything’s backwards!’  May you wrestle in your sleep and fall out of bed!  Or, as they say in Iraq:  ‘May the fleas of a thousand Camels infest your arm-pits!’

It has been brought to my attention, by me, that you are quite unprepared for any spiritual leadership, and we be this way for quite sometime just yet.  In case you haven’t noticed, you big group of Dummies, I have moved from your physical instruction, into the deep, dark casual place of the emotional you!  Boy!  Did I get that wrong!  LOL!  More like a constantly stirred witches brew:  ‘Boil and bubble!  Toil and trouble!’  The time has come however, for me to plant the spiritual seed within you so that you may grow, and blossom into God knows what!  Or put as you know it, it’s time for a brain washing session.  Oh C’mon!  I won’t  sight a single platitude.  You have my word on that, both as a liar and a thief!  OK!  Enough with the small talk.  Let’s get down brass thumb tacks!

Why So Many So Set On God?

Good question.  Glad I asked…  Some of us, including yours truly, have been specifically chosen and prepared to do his work for him on Earth.  If not, he’d make the rocks cry out, as they do in a K-Hole…  Don’t ask!  I, me me mine, and a multitude of others are fully conscious of what it was like before we were born.  And after we’re born, he keeps giving us signs like: ‘Stop!’ and ‘Slippery when wet!’  No kidding. Huh?  I thought it was: ‘Sticky when wet!’  Oh I’m such a dirty cockadoody!  My weakness is sex.  I know!  That’s the worst one!  But only with Hamsters.  I don’t want to start off by getting kinky here!  Just shut up and read, or I’ll pinch myself!

So pull your eye lids up, and I’ll tell you what I understood before birth.  Nut bar as this sounds, and sneakily inserted in some other post somewhere, before I was born, I was sitting on a teeny, tiny cloud of beer, far too invisible for Hubble to see.  I had no sense of time because the entire event took less than five minutes according to my own recollection.  It was just that suddenly, I was conscious of a self, though only a spiritual self.  Well you don’t think I was physical do you?  I would have fallen through space drunk!  What a nightmare!

No, I just sat there on my teeny, tiny cloud marveling at all the stars around me, already an Astronomy buff at heart not yet ready for humping!  Sorry!  I meant to say pumping :O(  There was no bright light.  No long tunnel.  No glowing cheeses! Sorry!  I meant to say Jesus :O(  There was just a soft male voice filled with wisdom I could sense, that told me that it was time for me to be born.  Not knowing what it was, I said: ‘But I want to stay here!’  then the voice said: ‘You have no choice!’ Then I said:  ‘But I’m afraid!’  Then the voice said: ‘Everything is going to be alright…’  And that’s it.  I don’t remember anything else until…

Kindergarten

A German word designed to break the rebellious human spirit!  And don’t you want to know why?  In Canada we start going to a kind a preppy Kindergarten at age four, for only a half day.  I recall the memory of my Mummy sitting me down to talk about it, because I said the very same words: ‘But I’m afraid!’  So she said:   It’s gonna be fun for you!  You’re gonna meet all kinds of friends!  And learn all kinds of interesting things!  And I’ll be right there at noon, after a few shots, to pick you up! So having been reassured, on the bus I got, waving frantically goodbye to the only person I really trusted.  Holy cow!  There are 780 words already???  There’s not enough womb on here for me!  Here’s what greeted me at school:

First thing I noticed on one side of the womb, were two girls, bent over, pulling on each others hair!  Both of them were crying but neither would let go!  Then on the other side was this kid, male in nature, running around in circles, with his arms wide spread, pretending he was an airplane! Obviously, he just wanted out of there!  My teacher looked just like Rosalind Russell!  You know the type:  ‘Now class, <SMACK, SMACK, SMACK!> just sit down and shut up or I’ll call you mothers! Understand?’  ‘Now today we’re going to read a book together called: ‘Dick and Jane!’  And I thought  [Oh boy!  Child Pornography!  Just what I wanted!]  And it WAS too: ‘Here is Dick.  Dick is big!  He has a little sister.  Her name is Jane. Jane has a dog.  It’s name is Spot.  Oh!  See Spot grow!’  Pretty graphic huh?  Too many words…  I can say no more… Pack up your old kit bag, and get real! Welcome to human consciousness…

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Tennis The Menace

A Walking Nervous Breakdown!

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What a Cluts!  Once again Roanic proves to everyone, when the going gets touch, the touch turn into a big, bag of silly putty!  I have to give credit to Milos, (Who names these people?) for learning to rally better than a blind sardine.  He has come a long way in that regard.  Still all Djokovic (Who names these people?) had to do was fake an injury long enough to throw Roanic off his game: a trick human sucks do to cheat their way to victory,,,  Of corpse, it wasn’t easy for Milos because Novak made fun of him the last time they met.

Wanna See A Four Year Old?

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This was the finals at the Paris open today BTW…  The way Djokovic messed up Roanic who got broken right away in the first set, was at the end of the set, Novak faked having a boo boo cramp in his right calf, or cow, whichever suits him!  This threw Roanic right back into Earthquake, so Novak could break him right away, again in the second set, to give the scum bag his big B,S, win.

I think it should be outlawed!  Every time someone gets the hint that they’re loosing, they pull this I got a boo boo CRAP, to make their opponent wait, and loose their concentration.  Novac comes back to play and miraculously is playing better than he was before the supposed injury!  I think they should be made to forfeit in that case, to go home and nurse their fake heart attack so at least Roanic would have stood a fighting chance!  Novak know just how to screw Roanic up royally!

Novac pulled drop shots on him too!  This, I figure, is another cheat.  Why?  If you perfect them, which isn’t all that hard to do, your opponent has no possible way of getting to the ball, ever!  And you can tell Novak is a man centered around himself because that’s all he talked about when The French gave him his ugly, bare branched, steel tree for cheating! Milos, in contrast, had the human decency to congratulate him on his crookedness and having his first spoiled brat embryo! it’s enough to make you cry!  

Never you mind it Milos, wherever you are: probably curled up in some alley-way sucking his thumb.  You’re a better rallyer right now than Chuckles The Clown ever was!  London is coming up next week.  Hit Novak in the eye with your rocket serve! Tennis The Menace here, needs a lesson in good sportsmanship!

Rant# 2

I’ve got rants in my pants!

Why do I let so many things bother me?  It’s because I do really care about the shear tonnage of CRAP people have to put up with.  I also know, if it bothers me, it more than likely bothers you because these things are all ubiquitous to most people richer than rodents.  I just feel that unless people complain, there’s no way of rectifying things that get mass produced and then become a nuisance to us!  My bread comes out of my toaster the same way it goes in; untoasted!  That’s the only setting it has!  And the crumb trays won’t stay on, giving me a Cumby counter top!  Why don’t they just come right out with it on the label: ‘Unworking Toaster for cheap person!’

Juicing makes me wanna Vomit!

It could be the three cloves of garlic I throw in cuz garlic is a strong irritant, and at the same time, providing a handy poison for the tip of your bullets.  I’d guzzle down my massive soup bowl chocked full of everything on the planet that uses Chlorophyll.  Then I go sit in my Easy-Boy and start to sweat profusely, accompanied by a strong, nauseous sensation.  Then a start going: ‘AWWWK!’ ‘AWWWK!’

I did however, discover the secret to preventing juicing sickness.  It works the same way when you take too much niacin, open up all of your capillaries, turn you red as a beet, and you itch all over your body!  Yet it is relieved quickly, with a simple slice of whole wheat bread!  So, as soon as you guzzle down your big, fat load of juice for the day, in just 2 short minutes, eat something with fibre in it!  Like fruit!  An apple and a 3 ton bag of grapes should do it.  Well, just a few clumps really….

Pot has a mind of my own!

The psychological addiction to pot have profound and long reaching implications for me.  It turns out I’m allergic to the stuff!  Certainly, at first, I felt leaning over the bathroom sick gagging for an hour and a half was worth the mood enhancing effects of pot, but after years of it, you do become convinced else-wise.  For one thing, it hampers my lung capacity when I exercise, resulting in my being unable to reach my full potential.  I suppose I’m fortunate in some way, because all that mucus was also carrying what looked like slime covered carcinogens to me!  Anyway, I’m now down to 9 tons a day, brought in by United Emirates Airlines…  LOL! 

When I do quit, and I’m almost psyched up for it now, I just feel it’s too soon after I quit drinking.  You know how everybody says: ‘If you quit everything at once, you die of cleanliness!’  Well allow me to introduce myself.  My name is Mud!

In the mean time, what I could do, is buy one of those vaporizers.  They only give you the THC, and discard the carcinogens!  They do cost about $200, but it might be worth it to begin saving my poor, tired, lungs right away!  It’s just a band-aid for now.  However, my endurance and stamina will definitely improve!  And THAT, is another victory against aging so quickly…  Holy Cow!  (as opposed to an unholy Cow!), this has been a pretty productive rant all in all  Kneel and pray to me!!!

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