Shutter Bug Hunger #2

All Dressed Up…

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Where I live, it’s cold outside 8 months of the year!  It then becomes a challenge to even pick up your camera at all, without risking frostbite, just setting up and taking down your tripod outside.  Just try adjusting setting for instance without your gloves on: darn near impossible…

So you look at what appears to be ordinary things in your home, and begin asking yourself how you might make them look more colorful, interesting, unique, as wallpapers, just because you have an itchy trigger finger, and will certainly go right off your nut, if you can’t take a picture of something.  Anything, and make it work!  Not so easy as it sounds…

This plate rests upon the wall in my livingroom…  I can walk by it a dozen times and never notice the thing.  Yet doesn’t it occur to us all, one day or other, that what we possess says something about who we are, what we find tasteful or not, and how others may be enticed to connect with these objects in the same way that you might yourself?

What sets the above plate apart from other plates?  Is it the busy symmetrical pattern so common place in applets that produce mirror images in graphic programs?  Is it the bulge in the center that hints at how you may dress it up with foods, and what various kinds may be appropriate?

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Yes, you’re right!  This is a rabbit’s head that also sits upon my livingroom wall.  But there’s a story behind it, as there is about everything in this series, that trigger memories.  A neighbor of mine made this as a matter of fact, and can fashion anything you’d so desire, from any kind of brass, gold, or silver, that you may bring to him.  He has exceptional talent with this type of art form! 

And it took me all of a half hour, just to clean this picture up, to its original, pristine appearance.  If you happen to own an expensive camera, you’d be surprised at the amount of detail it picks up, that your eyes are completely unaware of, until you see the image at full size!  Then there’s a million scratches, dust mites, wall dirt, spider webs, and God only knows what else.

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Take this simple bowl for instance.  There were 6 million scratches on it!  (exactly 6 million?)  Yes!  And this was after I polished the silly thing up.  And the table I pose things on has enough scratches, to look like a map of New York’s subway system.  Yet I like the reflective qualities of wood surfaces!  So the perfectionist in me must remove them from every picture…  I quite literally rebuilt this table from scratch!

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This comes from an entire set of dishes that elaborates upon the same theme of a family of busy rabbits, made in England and are quite expensive.  The story behind this particular dish, is that Leslie gave it to her Grandson ‘Austin’ for his first B-Day…  Your icons should fit neatly on the left, which is how I’ve set up most of the pictures in this series, which DOES have a part #3 coming to a computer near you BTW…

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This too reminds me of something for a pair of little hands to more easily control and drink from…  Again, at least to me, it’s not so much the cup, as the blue reflections that set the tone for this picture.

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As with all my pictures in the ‘Photos’ section, and there are quite a few, hard copies can easily be blown up to 18″  x  24″  without any loss of detail what-so-ever, or larger if you like!  And as always, you are free to do whatever you want with them, without charge or obligation.  At the very least, enjoy the slide show: compliments of: ‘Shutter Bug Hunger…’

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Welcome to My World

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Introduction

As soon as I was born, they put a tag around my neck that read: ‘And now for something completely different!’  I loved Kindergarten because it was completely chaotic and uncontrolled: something I’m passionate about for it’s deep, hidden meaning!  Grades 1 and 2 were a complete write off: Teacher:  Now class?  I want you to draw concentric circles, and try to stay perfectly between the lines!’  Me: (to the student beside me) ‘Pssst!  What’s ‘concentric’ mean?’  Him: ‘I dunno…  But I think it’s something sexual!’  <Five minutes later>  Teacher:  Now class?  Put your crayons down, and fold your hands neatly in front of you…  Who here can count from 1 to 20 for me?  Me: ‘Pssst!  Don’t put up your hand!  They’re trying to control us!’

Then he’d start giggling, and get into trouble for something that I instigated…  The new sense of power, manipulation and just this over-all good feeling I got when I cracked people up, was exhilarating for me!  It was then and there, (when and where?) that I decided I had my own itinerary, and must pursue my new, all important career, as class clown, and eventual international Idiot: a vocation I can assure you to this day, still delivers perks: examples include, watching people turn purple cuz they can’t catch their breath!  Seeing drinks sprayed all over the room!  And witnessing mushroom clouds immerge from Klingons circling around Uranus!  Again, to me, it was the achievement of maintaining complete chaos and un-control: something I’m passionate about for it’s deep hidden meaning!

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How to stand out as an abject Failure!

Above, is my class photo from grade three…  I actually failed grade three because I convinced the entire class not to take the teacher seriously!  To me, lost in my own twisted world, this was actually a promotion.  I know because every time I’d speak at her personally, she’d turn her head to one side as if nobody was talking at all.  Oh yeah!  I shoved a bug so far up her ass, she had to look cross eyed to drink a glass of water!  She was a slender lady, in her forties, with curly, black hair, and looked just like Roseland Russell.  Here’s a picture of my grade three Teacher:

_Rosalind Russell

So I decided to knuckle down in grade four, and achieved grades that your usual self taught juvenile delinquent was not supposed to achieve.  So they gave me an I.Q. test, and to everyone’s astonishment, I passed!  In fact, they skipped me a grade, and I quote: ‘Let’s see what the little Con Artist can do in grade five!’  There I breathed a sigh of relief, having once again been submerged within complete chaos and un-control.  My mother quipped: ‘The sneaky, little Bass, Turd got his way again!’  Here comes the good part…

The school gave me money!

Well, not actual dollars and sense, but more like a blank cheese check for whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted it!  They wouldn’t tell me what my actual I.Q. was cuz they said they didn’t want my head to swell up, but that it was up there.  So my Mummy (Now displayed along with my Neanderthal Step Stool Dad, in: The Museum of Natural Corpus Delecti, Cancerous Tumors Unit), sat me down ,and said I could have anything I want, if I just ask, because the school says you have a natural talent for wasting people’s time…

[Hmmm…]  I said to myself: ‘OK…  … …  I want a Telescope, a Microscope, a Chemistry set, a Swiss Army Knife, a hand crafted spinning Top with a Diamond tip, a name brand Tape Recorder, a Butterfly Net, and two, large baskets of sour Gum Balls!  I’ll know more about what I want after I compile a list’  She gave me one of those amazed yet bewildered looks.  You know?  Like she’d just witnessed something beyond comprehension!  And answered with a classic remark: ‘What do you think I am?  The Bank of Montreal?’  It wasn’t long before I actually went to The Bank of Montreal, and asked them if they knew my parents…

Two weeks later, the Telescope arrived…   I was to hear those words more frequently than not, from both her, and my Step Stool Father, with the same amazed yet bewildered look:  like two deer’s caught in headlights!  I’ll explain in full, shocking, detail, just why I needed those things in the sequel (seek well?) to this: ‘An Urgent Need to Be Greedy!’  Mean-while, here’s a picture of my parents:

_Neanderthal man and woman