I Need to Slap Someone!

Really?

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               Are we really going to have to go through a long time of listening to Harper’s lies about how he’s going to make lives better for seasonal workers?  He hasn’t done so in the past, why would he now, suddenly do so in the future?

I may be sounding slightly on the subversive side of the fence, though I do see myself as something of an intelligent man: I.Q. higher than 50.  OK?  So just who are those people in the background?  Is he in Shanghai vacationing again?  That guy on your far left looks like he wants to take a shot at him! 

And Frankly, I Shirley haven’t heard such a load of Buffalo dung, since Harper campaigned during his first campaign!  Don’t believe a word of his scare tactics either, or his hypnotic ways of speaking!  The man is a subversive, mind controlling tyrant who has had his foot on the necks of the poor now for long enough I should say…  How about letting us be free again…

How About Trudeau?

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All be it, this was the largest good quality picture I could get of Justin not picking his nose, or a flash from three inches away from his face etc..  I guess I’ve always been a Liberal at heart because they are more ‘liberal’ about helping the disabled: ME!!, eat next week! And are more about helping Canadians ( I find), than hording every penny’s worth of life blood that can possibly be sucked from our rapidly decaying bodies!

Personally, I don’t vote, because just watching an election campaign makes me break out in disgusting boils!  And I don’t think he’s too young.  And even if he was, he would help our youth, which is an investment in the future of this country (Nazi Germany!).  After all is said and done, they probably have the whole thing rigged already anyway.  Besides, even as Harper speaks, we are letting Refugees in across our borders.  And odds are, they’ll be set up with a better life than I’ve got, if you vote for Harper :O(  Anyway, I like Trudaeu’s ideas :O)

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Monstrous Fitness Tips for 2015

Harping

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Actually, I’m not harping on you, in my case, I’m guitaring…  Truly, there’s no such word.  But if one can harp, it should be passed into law that one can guitar in response!  Fitness is a serious endeavor.  You only do what you talk about: it’s the people that call other people thieves and liars, that are thieves and liars themselves!  I am a health nut.  So that’s what I talk about.  Well, I do know other subjects: squirrels are fascinating!  You know?

Why I always harp on you about it is: ‘Tay-Koe-Nos-Koe’,  ( I know you mosquito! )  I love Spanish because it’s such an expressive language: very picturesque and romantic, with all it’s picturesque connotations and penetrations…  I’m wandering off topic.  Look!  Here’s human nature:  A person tells you they’ll do a thing and they probably won’t because they get to busy with other things and just forget.  But when a person says they won’t do a thing, it’s because they’re indignant about it.  That, they’ll remember!  So then they plague themselves with guilt (it’s a Catholic thing they spread like cancer), and end up doing the thing for you they said they wouldn’t do…  Backwards…

My point is this.  In spite of all our best intentions, we put things off.  We procrastinate.  It’s so ramped, it’s a national pass-time.  Never do today, what you can put off until tomorrow…  So I keep encouraging you to exercise because I know your life is at stake and we do love living very much indeed!  People do drugs which has been known to make them lazy.  They rationalize which makes them cut corners.  They misconceive which makes them think house-work is exercise.  There was a time I thought belching and farting was strenuous!  So I’m on you like a fly on a wall, only for your encouragement and well being.  That being said, let’s move on to the good stuff.  Shall we?  I really don’t know, because you never talk to me, so I have to guess what person is thinking what, and try to cover everybody.  I think that went well.  Don’t you?

Muscle and bone loss

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Once we pass 30, which flies up on you like a damaged Cessna, we begin to loose muscle and bone density.  And the old adage: ‘What you don’t use, you loose!’,  still stands after eons of mega-loss! Now if you’re past 50, you’ve lost so much muscle mass, that you’ll never carry a six pack unless it’s marked: ‘Coors Lite…’  If you’re younger than that, and you lift weights regularly, you’ll have women lapping water from your cat’s dish, just to be near you!

There’s this gorgeous girl of female persuasion, that visits Leslie nearly every single day.  She flirts with me, and she’s only 22!  I’m 62, and people say that I don’t look a day over 61 and a half. LOL!  She drools over the healthy soups I make, and has her own pup tent in my kitchen!  She worships the ground I walk on, and throws buckets of holy water at me because she knows I’m good for her.  So it rubs off.  I may not be a national hero just yet, but I am hers!

Tips for the weak and decrepit

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Now this guy is either in, or approaching his 60’s.  You’d be hard pressed to Tango with him because of his strength and stamina, and his connections to a Mafia King-pin.  His youthful exuberance and penetration, is the one thing nobody can take away from him unless they own a bazooka!  Don’t you want to remain horny?

You can also see that he’s still alert enough to do calculus and his fingers, and only wears glasses so he can see his nose! Someone left a frozen swimming pool in the background, with some guy there hoping to open but one more Mc. Donald’s Franchise…  Your youth is a treasure far beyond any financial gain.  Don’t throw it all away for a cheeseburger!  Throw it all away for Carmel Pecan ice-cream Yogurt!  That stuff is so good, I once ate a whole 2 quart tube of it, and turned into a human snot ball for over 3 hours!  It was dreadfully delightful at the time, but hardly worth it to me…  

So diet is all important to maintain that physique you work so hard for.  Replace all that meat with fruits and vegetables which actually taste better and have way less calories, are filling enough that you don’t feel like you have to continually eat all day, and has fiber to help keep you more regular, rather than large…  Why you could eat 2 onion, cucumber, and tomato sandwiches with half fat mayo on twelve grain (delicious) and only gain maybe 10 onces, removed by a glass of ice-water…   Hows that for weight control?

Happiness involves commitment

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Here’s a terrific blog via this guy in the picture with a really amazing article, pushing reasons for weight lifting:

https://dailyfitcoach.wordpress.com/2013/01/18/6-reasons-you-should-be-pumping-iron/

A bad back work-around for the tummy

Anyone with a bad back will tell you that sit ups are impossible for them.  I should know, I haven’t sat up in decades!  I have a real cool work-around for this that involves a bath-tub full of water, before you do your deep breathing exercises.  Bath salts are good to draw toxins from your skin, but to force crap out of your body, you can lie back and roll your tummy around 15 times a shot while you hold your breath and push down.  At first, you can hardly feel your stomach muscles moving at all.  After a little practice, you can really strengthen up your stomach muscles and easily flush out your colon daily.  I do 90 every 2 days, in 6 sessions, which takes all of 3 minutes.  

Then do 3 minutes of deep breathing exercises:  Fill your lungs with as much air as you can, hold it for 3 seconds, saying to yourself: ‘In with the good air’, then blow it all out with a flat tummy for 5 seconds saying: ‘Out with the bad!’  I don’t know why, but it works.  You’ll actually feel your lung capacity improve!  This makes for longer runs, and more stamina for your heart.  BTW, while you’re running, you’re not aging!  No one says you’re going to look like this:

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But you will get more oxygen to your brain and possibly raise your I.Q.  Also, lay on the floor for about five minutes afterwards, with your legs tucked up under your butt to prevent leakage, and let gravity and your own weight push against your spine.  You may even get a bone or two crack back into place.  A case in point: gravity removes the bags under your eyes if you sleep on your back ( The Royal Position )…  Butt I have a better idea…

Food for your face

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That’s right!  A couple of cucumber slices over your eyes for just 5 minutes every second day, adds collagen to your skin ( the stuff you get in expensive skin creams ) worth less than a cent!  I do it after my bath while I’m laying on the floor: ( I let people walk all over me! )…  Afterwards, I rub them all over my face, throat and hands.  This girl has been mistakenly sold some fake cucumbers, but as long as she’s happy, why tell her?

Well that’s it for my monstrous forking fitness tips…  I’m sure you’re all going to rush right out and run to Buffalo:  more like run ‘like’ a Buffalo.  Always remember though.  It’s your body, and you’ll only get out of it what you put into it.  Have a nice day, and go fork yourselves!

Answers To My Own Questions #1

  • Why did I dump all over you the other day?  It’s so I can loose my audience, take enough pain killers to lead a herd of Buffalo into a swamp, and learn how to cut myself so I can relieve the pain!
  • Why am I so controlling?  It’s because I have a remote control stuck to my forehead, as my answer to an improved Arian race!
  • Why won’t people answer my long posts about living longer?  Maybe it’s because they have to go for a pee pee queue?  After all, the cut off point for human life is still 115…  So a 62 year old isn’t qualified to speak about that yet!
  • Why doesn’t anyone respond to my ideas?  Maybe because they really suck?  Or maybe because they remain just that until I or someone else implements them.
  • Why do I get so mad?  It’s because I was diagnosed as being mad.  Righteous indignation be damned!  I’m just down right moody!  Now I know why serial killers have so much fun :O(
  • Will I ever get well?  Will a bear ever sit on my face and laugh?  That ‘God help me to accept the things I cannot change’ part, is something I really need to accept!
  • Well how long have I got?  Just about as long as everybody else!  Maybe all their take this to stay young poop, is just that.  Poop!
  • Do people want to hear about religion or politics?  No!
  • Will I ever be forgiven?  Self?  You will always be forgiven!  You’re just too regimental on yourself to see that!
  • How large is the Universe?  Too large to find a hamburger stand out there, so there’s not a lot we can really relate to on a general level…
  • What do people really want from me?  Cyber sex, recipes for the nearest takeout place to them, more animal extracts (minus the entrails), how to function on LSD, where’s the cheapest rock concert, etc..
  • How do I reach people?  By taking the microchip out of my ass and showing the feeling I so much demand from them!
  • Will I ever stop asking questions?  No.  But I do have to learn how to ask the right ones!
  • Is it something I said?  It’s something I need to say, in a more calm, and sensible way than a Zebra trying to paint on stripes…

 

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We are all Aliens

hs-2007-41-a-1680x1050_wallpaperThe cloud formation you see will all be forming new stars with planets and moons, and in some cases, captured asteroids. And around the hub (center) of this galaxy, there are perhaps 100 or more globular clusters, each containing in excess of a million stars.  That would give you a kind of down on view of the galaxy, instead of looking through it as we do.

A cloud of mystery

Are we alone in the universe?  The question almost seems redundant at this point…  Are Klingons still circling around Uranus though?  Hardly…  Then you get those cracked pots that think there’s another planet orbiting the sun directly on the opposite side, so we can’t see it of corpse.  And they called it “Klataca” or “Remulac”, or “Women Vikings from Venus!” or whatever have you…

People say that the building blocks for life could have floated in on a meteor; so I guess that’s how we got lions and tigers and bears…Oh my.  Is that the picture?  I believe it was just a handful of different life forms that eventually mutated into many.  I do believe alien civilizations are out their, I just think the distances are so vast, it’s not like going downtown for a coke.  You know?

Absolute proof

The truth of the matter is then, that we are all Aliens…  Our home planet then is really somewhere else.  Here, apparently, we’re just renting.  Now, I’m going to show you something from earth and I want you to keep an open mind, and see for yourself if this is not an alien.

giant-squid-big-pictureOK.  So…  Are you going to tell me this looks like us?  I’m mean, anything that’s full of tentacles. with a huge eye, has a pencil tipped body and can grow to four times my size, and likes to fight with whales, now that’s an alien to me…  First I’d defecate in my brand new swim suit, and then I’d try in run away in slow motion; like you do in a nightmare sometimes.  No thank you!  I’d rather stay with guppies if it’s all the same to you.

Even if we look at things from a biblical point of view, it really sound like aliens were involved.  Maybe the visit we’re all looking for, happened 2013 years ago. Here are three wise-men, instructed to kill the kid by King Harod, following a star that stops, and hovers over the spot where the Wise-men are to find: Hotel Horse-shed.  They’re wise, so that shouldn’t be too much of a problem in downtown Bethlehem. 

First off, stars don’t stop moving, and secondly, Mary was not impregnated by any human being…  Now there’s a clue right there; plus Christ had super-natural powers, that any technological race capable of distant space flight, would be expected to have.

And how come He won’t talk to me, but expects me to talk to Him?  That’s because he would have had to have left a telecommunications device, which would give their technological advances away, and we’d start asking what the rates are for space flights to their world. He’d have to say “No.”.  And then we’d think God is cheap, and it just wouldn’t have worked out right then at all.

Look all around you and you’ll spot alien looking things everywhere you go.  It doesn’t make sense to me somehow, that God can make beautiful flowers, yet also, useless, animal infecting, blood sucking, mosquitos as well!  Why?  We could set off a two volt static electric charge in the atmosphere every summer for just 15 seconds and it would kill them all off.  We worry it will ignite the atmosphere while we merrily run around setting off nukes.  So sometimes I think we’re pretty alien ourselves.

In summary

Please understand, I’m not claiming that God does not exist, only that He might not take on the form that we expect: “An old man with long grey hair, and a staff (Kitchen help, a Limo., Maids and Butlers…  That sort of thing; Pomp and Splendor).

810So then, you’re not going to tell me that “thing” there looks like a house guest you’d invite over for a tea and a chat are you?  I dispose what I’m trying to tell you is this; you/we, don’t need to spend millions of space dollars listening for aliens, when we’ve got all the selection we could ever ask for, right here on planet Earth!

Did you know that if a flea were our size, it could jump over The CN Tower?  And what about viruses?  The creepy things aren’t even living ’til they get inside you; yet they spread havoc from within, and can often kill us.  If that’s not like: “Invasion of The Body Snatchers”, I don’t know what is!

A herd of wasps…  (herd?).  A nest of wasps was found inside the side of a mountain they exploded for excavation.  The camera was set up a fair distance from the explosion; maybe 300 yards, when out came this swarm.  And you could see them getting bigger and bigger as they approached the camera.

By the time they did reach the camera, they were all bigger than three feet in size!  Now how is that for a nightmare?  Ever been around a small family of locusts?

I think I’ve more than proved my point that we are living on an alien world to begin with, and here we are looking “out there” for them.  Are we all blind?  Dah?

Don’t forget to have your pet Buffalo nibble your grass :O)