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People think I’m sucking off the system because I’m disabled, when it was in fact the system that disabled me…  People are generally judgemental and self assuming…  Most are envious and suppose I lay around all day sipping lemonade.  Nothing could be farther from the truth!  Work is where you find it, and I do quite a lot without any pay at all.  Not my fault they can’t spell: ‘Career’…  That doesn’t look right…  How do you spell ‘Career’? I do the things I love to do: all of it involves work.  Who needs pay when you have a purpose higher than serving people fatty cow meat?  There’s an ethical question involved too, and a competence factor…  People are always promoted to just the position they can’t master: I see more people suffering as a result of how they’re treated in society via a lack of responsible, congenial, competent public servants, administrators, Doctors, Dentists, etc..  So my theory is:  Everything is backwards… 

If you’re sick for instance, how do they expect you to have the energy to go to a Doctor?  There was a time when they came to you!  What logic is there in fighting disease when you cram people with various viruses in the same waiting room?  In Queens English, work doesn’t work!  Why is it that Tennis Players make millions every year for playing a ‘game’, and construction workers can’t afford to buy their own homes?  Backwards!  You want fair? If everyone helped everyone else, no one need suffer for goods and services at all! 

Those who clean your offices keep the air clean so you don’t get sick!  How are they less valuable than highly paid Scientists who just sit around and think all day?  We tell people not to smoke, and then sell them cigarettes!  What kind of backward CRAP is that?  I tell you, the whole system has to be wiped out, and revised!  If you work a day, you should have a day off to pursue other interests rather than them owning you lock, stock and barrel! (barrel?)  How did that get in there?  Help me build my house, and I’ll help you build yours, rather than someone who didn’t do the work should occupy…  So backwards!!  What say you?

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Truisms

Introduction:

Truisms are things that people say that tend to hold true throughout life for the vast majority of people.  They are quite literally saying that we all follow.  Seeing as how I still hold to my own invented Truism that everything is backwards, I take nothing for granted, and am therefore, as always, here to dispute various truisms in point form, staring with the more popular ones and working my way through some you may or may not have heard of before.  Beside them, I will state how I feel they do NOT apply.

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  • Wrong!  Most people prefer to be lied to and close their eyes to the truth…
  • You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink – Sure you can!  Just feed him a Mickey of Scotch and by the time you reach the watering hole, he’ll suck up the entire pond!
  • Only the good die young – I really don’t think SIDS is preferential: nor any other fatal disease for that matter.
  • What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger – Are you gonna tell me that Chicken Pox makes you stronger?
  • Be careful what you wish for.  You just might get it – Then why did you wish for it in the first place?
  • A little knowledge can go a long way – No!  A little knowledge can go a little way.  A lot of knowledge can go a long way!
  • A lot of professionals are crackpots – You are either a professional or a crackpot but can’t be both and make it work.  When was the last time you saw a professional with a diploma on his wall that said: ‘This professional is a certified crackpot.’?
  • A man can’t know what it is to be a mother – He can if the mother dies…
  • A positive attitude makes all the difference in the world – The world tries to stop you, positive attitude or not!
  • A sense of timing is the mark of genius – Unless you’re a madman, then it’s the mark of a madman…
  • Action causes more trouble than thought – Brilliant grasp of the obvious here.  But without thought, there would be no action.
  • All things are delicately interconnected – Like Husbands and Mother-In-Laws?
  • Anger or hate can be a useful motivating force – For blowing up cities and creating hate groups?
  • Animalism is perfectly healthy – As long if it’s alright with your neighbor to piss on his tree.
  • Any surplus is immoral – A surplus of morality is immoral?
  • Anything is a legitimate area of investigation – Well that shoots privacy all to Hell!
  • At times, inactivity is preferable to mindless functioning – I thought inactivity was tantamount to mindless functioning!
  • Awful punishment awaits really bad people – Awful punishment awaits really good people too…
  • Being happy is more important than anything else – except breathing…
  • Being alone with yourself is increasingly unpopular – Well if you’re alone with yourself, you’re not really alone…  You’re schizophrenic!
  • Being sure of yourself means you’re a fool – Oh?  I thought it meant you were confident.  Conversely then, not knowing what you’re doing means you’re a genius?
  • Change is valuable when the oppressed become tyrants – I told you torturing insects and rodents was the right thing to do!
  • Chasing the new is dangerous to society – So is closed mindedness!
  • Children are the most cruel of all – Children are the hope of the future…
  • Confusing yourself is a way to stay honest – It’s also a way to get yourself killed!

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  • What a crock of BS (Bad Smell)!  Creativity comes from within…  The trouble with thinkers is, they think too much!

It’s My Life

I’m sick to death (and death comes before sick), of people telling me what I should do, when, and how I should do it!  I’ll do things according to God’s set of rules not yours!  OK by you?  Not really! When are you going to learn that you only hurt yourself and cause resentment when you order people around?  This is not YOUR JOB!  You are not ‘the boss at work’ here!  The women in my life have been especially notorious for this.  It bugs their ass no end that I have my own mind and just so happen to think for myself!

I’ll give you the correct order of operation on this rock and you can forking well implant it in your brains once and for all time, because you are answerable to God for this, not me!  So it’s not me who’s setting down the law here.  I don’t make the rules, but I sure as Hell had better follow them!  And you know why!  Because it serves my/your best interest.  That’s why!  If you break the law, you answer to the government don’t you?  If your children break the rules you set for them, do they not answer to you? And why do you suppose that’s true?  It’s because one has more power over the other!  One is more competent to make decisions on behalf of the others best well being whether we freaking well like it or not!  Here is your order of operations, not dictated by the peanut gallery I might add:

  • God
  • Christ
  • Man
  • Woman
  • Adolescent
  • Child
  • Infant
  • Embryo

Look!  This order is not placed in this particular arrangement so that each can be a freaking big shot over the one below it!  Do you understand?  DO YOU?  If you did, then you would go apologize to your mate right now for acting like a tyrant prison warden over their entire lives, and turning them into nothing more than what’s tantamount to your very own freaking vegetable garden, and you know it!  And no, I did not forget the government.  I didn’t list it because it’s a sub-category placed here by God to make certain you follow His way for you because YOU refuse to do it!

Contrary to popular belief, you weren’t put here for your own private disco dance!  We all have a duty to ourselves and others, to leave a positive imprint on this world so that we might leave it with a clear conscience, and so that it might continue to exist in a productive manner.  But no!  You don’t give a flying rats ass, just as long as you can keep your bib in your mouth…  Grow up!  Be someone!

I still don’t think you can comprehend what I’m saying because you’ve been like this for so long, you actually believe your own lies!  I’m not mad at you.  Unlike the way some bloggers conduct themselves, it’s not my objective to put you down.  

However, there is such a thing as righteous indignation.  Now as much as I’d like to always give you what you want, I must also see to your needs as given priority over what you want because you obviously don’t know what you want any more likely than you will ever get up off your sorry ass and DO THE RIGHT THING!!

You know I’ve bent over backwards to be fair about this!  There are plenty of posts here you will find where I give you what you want: Soft backgrounds, photos, poems, quotes, extracts, buttons, icons, and all sorts of neat and tidy little packages because you’re either to damn lazy or refuse to commit yourself to read over 196 words precisely!  You just push a like button, the lying sneak in the grass that you are, and figure you’ve made some kind of contribution to the blogging world…

Math has an order of operations called: ‘BEDMAS’ (Brackets, Exponents, Division, Multiplication, Addition and Subtraction), does it not?  Notice how subtraction is the last priority in line…  You are here to help your family, mate, friends etc.. not trample all over them with your silly set of rules and regulations!  You have zero tolerance and that’s your downfall!  If we should change the rules of math, then complete chaos would be the only answer available to us, and its entire structure would be nothing short of useless to us all!  It works the same way with humans…  It works the same way for everything and must!

Now no matter how incompetent you think your mate is, refer back to the order of operations, and you will see that Man is answerable to Christ, who in turn is answerable to God.  Yes?  Now if we make mistakes, I’m sorry for your delicate sensitivities, but that’s how we learn in this life!  So stop stifling my education!  And find a branding iron, and embed it your mind concerning everyone around you!  IT’S MY LIFE!!  And I’ll live it the way I see fit, shortcomings and all.  It may come as a shock to you, but you have your own misgivings that need revamping as well.  That’s your duty to yourself and the best favor you will ever do for yourself if you ever want to get along in this world.  

Oh you may fool the weak minded among you, but you won’t fool Christ, and you’ll have to answer to God for it, because Christ can’t help you if you refuse his instruction for you!  And yes.  He’s here!  In this universe of what we now believe may be one of many, are you so arrogant as to believe you’re the only intelligent thing walking?  You’re in for a rude awakening!

Why does Google list all of our tags in a backward position from the way we place them?  It’s because as I keep drilling into your numb skulls, everything is backwards! Now from women on down most especially, with the exception of embryos and infants, because they’re not responsible for their behavior, but the rest of you are!  And don’t misunderstand me!  Many men think they’re God too!  IT’S MY LIFE!!  NOT YOURS!  HANDS OFF!  NO TRESPASSING!

Rant # 1867

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Stupid Stupermarkets

Do you ever get the feeling when you’re food shopping, that nobody knows what the flying flock they’re doing?  There could be Lesbians in the soup for all I know…

I went shopping at: ‘Food Basics’ yesterday, for one thing, because I put my trust in them that it will BE THERE!  They made me feel more like a big Dummy, wandering about town in a coma!  It’s that stupid, big building that went up just down the street from me.  It’s a whopping seven stories high, and it’s long too!  Ever since, there have been long line ups at the bank, and all the food that I like, is ALWAYS MISSING!  Food Basics huh?  They must mean cat food!

First, I asked the checkout bitch if The Manager was in, or picking his teeth?  ‘Oh no!’ she quiped:  ‘On Fridays, he doesn’t come in until after 1 pm.’  THE FREAKING MANAGER!!  So brain dead me asked if there was anyone else I could speak to? ‘Yes’, she pelted, Mario is in the Managers Office.  ‘Fine’ I retorted and marched off there hoping to find an AK 47 along the way.  And IT’S NOT EVEN MARIO!!  So I asked the stranger, who was so busy chatting it up with the exchange crap

Clerk, just why my favorite Chapman’s yogurt: ‘Crunchy Pecan’ was always out of stock and 15 bands of CHOCOLATE GARBAGE I’m allergic to, just sits there in the cooler forever LOOKING STUPID AT ME!!  What is this world coming to?

‘Oh we don’t sell yogurt ice-cream…’ the moronic FLIT emphatically stated!  So I begged: ‘I have a liter of your Crappy Vanilla’ I can put your Crumby Jam on!  Wanna see it?’  ‘Oh that!’ he suddenly recalls…  ‘I can page Julie who runs that section’ he brilliantly encourages…  ‘Oh I’m sorry!  Julie’s on her break right now…’

I’ll bet a fat tub of ice-cream yogurt HE’S ALWAYS SORRY!!  So trying to improve the dust behind his skull, I blurted: ‘Just order in what everybody’s buying, forget the other CRAP, and you might make SOME MONEY!  They may even give you A PROMOTION!’  As I stormed away then in a self perpetuated cyclone, he double talks behind me: ‘I’M ALREADY AS HIGH UP AS I CAN BE!’  ‘That figures…’  I muttered to myself.  DOUBLE TALK!!   That’s all You the customer, who’s ALWAYS WRONG, will ever get from this crap gassed, backward forking rock!

Black Friday

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Do you really look forward to being punched out over a pair of socks?  And it’s Black Friday!  What are all those white people doing there?  This was a sad day in 1929 when the market crashed, and business people jumped from sky scrappers, and you want to celebrate it?  Now they want a whole black week!  Where does greed and selfishness ever end, and when will people ever wise up to the fact that these are just ‘things’ and things can never love you back!  And most likely, neither will the sorry slobs you’re buying them for!  I’m glad black people boycotted them!  Seems they’re the only smart people left, with the black and white garb on, in the picture above…  LOL!

Arguing For The Sake of Arguing

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The mouse I shacked up with, seems to have it in the vacuum between her ears, that I’ll never change, and she deserves a Master’s degree for laying on her rump roast, watching brain dead TV all day!

Here’s how backwards and stupid people really are!  First I run my ass (Well, not the actual ass that Jesus road in on) off. Then I make my mouse breakfast as usual, because she’s too brain dead to remember what food looks like!  Then I go shopping for something that isn’t even there. So silly me…  I then go to the Thrift Store to buy a tuke cuz I just froze my ears off, and run into a friend, who just so happens to be a girl, who respectfully requests that Bonehead and I carry her new love seat home for her.  No problem.  Then when I get home, my mouse wants me to go back and carry home a love seat for her.  No problem…  It’s just cuz she’s jealous I did something for another female besides her!

So I pick out the best one in the store, not a mark on it, and she complains that she had to pay $48 for it, on half price day! That love seat was in excellent condition, color co-ordinated with her poop brown room, (navy blue, with two reversible cushions, navy blue and art deco on the other side) what would easily have cost over $300 in any furniture sucking store, and she’s not happy with the deal?

Then for good measure, she informs me how her burnt out son and, constantly bitching wife, and brain dead constantly squalling embryo is spending a week for Crismis at our place:  Just the recipe to drive me out of my flocking tree, while I was trying to meditate, so I don’t take a cleaver to her for ruining my day, in a long succession of days approaching the three year mark!  And I can’t kick her out, CUZ SHE CAN’T WALK THAT FAR!

At The Sound of The Shot!

Dingaling?

‘At the sound of the shot, please leave a brief message, and my Undertaker will get right back to you…’  Continuing along the lines of my fabulous theory, that we all think backwards, I entertained myself to another grueling, late night Tennis Match.  If my beady,  little tired eyes can recall,  The entire men’s Quarterfinals between Federer (who just keeps getting betterer!) and Monfils, a high jumping, wood bee basketball player.  I do have to give Monfils an A for effort!  If he’d just of had stopped jumping around so much, he might have had enough energy left to beat Betterer!  You do know what backward Tennis is don’t you?  It’s: ‘I broke you! You broke me! I broke you, and so on…  Still, by 3 am., I had to float to bed, dreaming of a white Chrimiss…

Even the light switch in the bathroom was put in backwards; the switch nearest to the door is the fan switch, and the switch next to it, is the light.  That’s backwards!  You want to turn on the light first so you find the fan switch, after you’ve deposited a few brown ones…  Speaking of brown ones, Monfils was seating and sliding all over the court, while Betterer Federer looked like he could have been enjoying himself at a cocktail party!

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 looked like Monfils was expecting to get the blood drawn from him, to see if he was still capable of hitting the ball.  Monfils could have felt just a little bit unnerved facing a seasoned Champion like Betterer!  And you know what that face says: ‘I’m not gonna get that!’

 

 

Am I Dreaming or Playing Tennis?

Now that I’m playing the game myself, I’m getting a much better idea of what brain damage is really like; swinging though the air and hitting nothing but more air, falling flat on my butt, always toweling off because I can’t find a sweat band for love of money!  Maybe I’ll just make my own from cellophane wrap…  It just makes me wonder all the more how Federer does it.  How does he look like a cucumber in the fridge?

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After managing to get the ball unstuck from his racket, he continued on with his day at the beach!  After winning,  Federer himself exclaimed how he was so uncertain of winning this match, Monfils having won the first two sets in a row!  Monfils had run out of bean gas by the end of the forth set.  He just looked completely exhausted!  So the cucumber goes on to the semi’s, and the jumping bean must settle for a large cash reward for loosing…  So backwards!

 

 

Tennis Elbow Anyone?

A Backward Update…

    You know how I’ve been telling you how we do everything backward? : For instance, Iceland is green, and Greenland is ice…  Go figure.  This is why I’m bringing you this update between  Milos Roanic and Roger Federer, at The South Western Open, which for me, was about a weak back.  So why do they call it The South Western Open when it’s held in Ohio, a northern state in the east?  Anyway, The U.S. Open starts tomorrow…

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Milos likes to taste the ball before he hits it.  What bothers me is why in the second and third sets, he consistently hit his first serve into the net?  And I mean, every single one, just about…  And why he went from 6-2 in the first set, to 6-3 in the second set, to 6-0 in the third set?  Whatever made him think he could rally with Federer?  He should have power shot his way through like he always does, but failed to keep it in the court!  Backwards!  That’s all I have to say about it…

Here Comes The Fun Part!

My best friend Bonehead, or Antonius as you know him, and I, each bought a ‘Wilson’ (They’re the best!) graphite tennis racket from our country’s poverty stricken Thrift Store for $10 each!  And mine even has a cover!  Yes I know I’m sixty two and have a bad back and so does he, and this whole thing is backwards…

And as I ran by the park, what do I see in the very back, but two Tennis Courts open to anyone and always deserted!  So I’m not only doing this to prove to my community that yes indeed, we do want a couple of free Tennis Courts, but to prove to you that you can open up a whole new world, just by trying to be healthy!  And being healthy, is the best thing you will ever do for yourself, guaranteed!  I read books!  LOL!

It’s also because I’ve given you instructional posts in the past about how to exercise alone.  Well here’s a way to exercise with others, and have fun at it too!  Hours will pass without you even being aware, you’re standing in a puddle of your own sweat, waiting for a serve.  I have never played Tennis in my life, but I’m willing to give it a shot.  Just one shot. Then I’ll probably get Tennis Elbow and go home…

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