Fitness Shmitness

A Frame of Reference

Before I continue, (This post is so long already!) I’d just like to compliment our chickens for becoming vegetarians!  It shows what a high level of commitment, and fine example, our chickens have shown other chickens, worldwide…  Our chickens are courageous, now living on a free range, just the same way we used to bum around communes, I’m just glad I have the opportunity to present you with this malarkey, and have you swallow it: ‘Bone free!  As free as the wind blows!  As free as my toes knows…  Bone free!’

Just as a frame of reference, if our chickens can be this committed to a healthy life-style, then so can you!  Once we reach 50, our health becomes almost as important to us all, as is gambling, theft, and sapping the life-blood from our neighbors…  Not only are we committed to losing fat today, but finding it again tomorrow, as it migrates to another part of our bodies!  Join me now, as we take a trip down: ‘Bulbous Lane’, and find a way to keep from blotting out the sun!

_0008_A_Skiiny_Woman

After just 6 weeks of regular exercise, and only one celery stick, you too can lose as much weight as the woman pictured above!  Notice the complete absence of fat, as well as one arm that looks too large from saluting people, as she commits to running 700 miles per hour, for just 15 seconds a week!  She says,  and I quote: ‘It’s all the time I can spare, so I have to make the most of it!’  What a fine physique you could have, if you’d only take this as seriously as a walking cadaver…  See?  This woman is so thin, she doesn’t even have a shadow!

Avoid Poor Choices

_0008_Hippos

Contrary to popular belief, running away, and joining The Circus won’t necessarily set you free…  These three thought ‘Hippo Suction’ wood bee an easy solution to shedding unwanted fatty deposits, only to gain the weight back again, because of their unhealthy life-style, trying to be noticed under ‘The Big Top!’  As you can see, harming it up, is not the answer to losing weight…

Begin With A Healthy Diet

_0008_Big_Burger

Don’t be fooled into believing that if not eating makes your body produce fat cells, then eating more will make you thinner.  As pictured above, a well-balanced diet is the key to a healthier you.  Listen to the wise advice of your parents, and eat everything off your plate, including the tin foil…

Exercise Regularly

_0008_Fitness

I actually bought my first pair of professional running shoes, designed to make you run faster for no apparent reason, from The Running Room!  I got sucked into paying a lot for them too!  Now you may or may not believe that running in a grueling marathon under the blistering, hot, sun, is a good idea for loosing weight…  But after throwing your guts up, and ending up rejecting Hospital food for three weeks, then yes!  You will lose weight!

Take Dietary Supplements

_0008_Cocaine

As miraculous as this sounds, I saw this one girl snort this strange, white, powder, and she lost 57 pounds in one week!  I think she just primarily forgot to eat real food, and took to gnawing on furniture instead.  There are all kinds of ways to lose weight.  Follow my advice, and you won’t learn any of them!  Yes, too much of a good thing isn’t the answer either!

I say: Fitness Shmitness!  What’s so bad about gorging yourself constantly anyway?  Do Supermarkets have to close when you leave?  Are you: ‘One giant leap for Mankind!’ all by yourself?  Well take heart now, and swallow this CRAP!  Subcutaneous fat is beautiful!  ‘There’s just more there to love!’ 

Why lose weight when you can just hunt down another phat person?  At least you’ll look thin to each other.  Isn’t love still love no matter if it shifts the Earth out of orbit or not?  Even so, it’s more important just to have a good day…  So the next time another Elephant says she has a crush on you, she may really mean it!  And after all, isn’t love a kind of ‘Fitness Shmitness’ too?

_0008_Elephants _In_ Love

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3 thoughts on “Fitness Shmitness

  1. But I always clean my plate like mommy told me. I even ate the parsley decoration….blah….left green stuff in my teeth and then when I had to talk to someone they stared….apparently they didn’t eat theirs….love the pic and the look on the kids face….priceless….

    • That’s funny! A real friend would tell you: ‘Hey! You have a watermellon on your teeth!’ I couldn’t eat cooked spinach. It looked like snot to me! So I’d gag on it! Still, my Mummy would say: ‘You’re not leaving the table until you eat every last bit of that…’ ‘Mummy Dearest!’

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