In The News with Hintley Blinkley

People who molest fruits and vegetables

_0007_Mellons

This woman was arrested today, for having elicit sex with a watermelon!  They’re holding her melons equally responsible.  They’ll both be serving 6 weeks time in a penal colony!

_0007_Bananas

As further proof that fruits are involved in a provocative manner with humans.  As you can see, both of these bananas are completely naked!  The woman who brought them together, expected to serve time in The Booby Hatch, claimed: ‘I just needed someone who would understand how I feel!’

_0007_A sexy-squash

We found this rather well endowed squash had inticed several young women to fondle the vegetable!  The squash was given 60 days for indecent exposure.  Two of the women were released with a warning, but the third was arrested for taking a pea!  It was later proven using radioactive thermometers, that the pea had nothing to do with it, and was in fact pea-napped.  willfully pea-napping and murdering a pea can carry a life sentence, without chance of parole…

_0007_A peach

The above is a present President Nixon received after his impeachment…  unfortunately, I am restricted to any more information than this: ‘Was the President ever left alone with this fruit?’

_0007_Baby carrots

This man should rightfully be arrested for child, carrot pornography!  Where’s a crop when you need one?

_0007_sexy-funny-carrot

Just this morning, these three sadly dressed carrots were arrested for prostituting themselves to customers with lewd comments like: ‘You look like a big, slab of meat!’  and ‘You know I’m the most appealing!’

10009280_832253883493416_1271327800010049668_n_thumb.png

Sexual relations with the fruit and vegetable kingdom can be hard to resist.  I know from personal experience one day when a was a boy, innocently standing in front of a tree, that these things never work out in the long run…

_0007_Potato

Do you want to serve time for a potato?  If you fondle it, it’s a sexual offence!  In fact, this is not suitable for young audiences!  And believe me!  This potato and you would only argue all the time :O(

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