The Top 10 Sexiest Things About Me…

  1. Well, for one thing, I have a great character.  Yeah that’s it!  I have a great character: just like that great movie star: ‘Tyrone Shoelaces’.
  2. And I know how to treat a lady!  At least once a year, I make damn sure we go Dutch at Mac. Donald’s!
  3. If I’ve had enough broccoli, I can manipulate my butt cheeks, and play: ‘God Save The Queen!’
  4. I can throw up on command!  It’s how I used to get off school…  It left me pail, and pasty looking, but I still found a ghoul friend!
  5. Pick up line # 256 : ‘Can you tell me how to get to Carnage Hall?’  When she answers: ‘Practice!’, make your move!
  6. Try to look as much like Antonio Banderas as possible!  Then sashay up to her and whisper something Spanish in her ear: ‘Tay-co- nosco, Mosco’  ( I know you, Mosquito! )
  7. After you shave every morning, splash your face with Spanish Fly.  Women will sniff you all day, and follow you wherever you go!  It’s like cat-nip to them!
  8. Put on your pink Pimp suit, go downtown and lean against a wall with your legs crossed.  When a pretty woman walks by, toss a quarter out into the middle of the sidewalk, like you didn’t even care!
  9. I  let the woman walk ahead of me.  It makes them feel tough!  It also makes for a great getaway for me…
  10. I give you my solemn oath as both a thief, and a liar, I will NOT use you, EVER!! Unless of corpse, you’re a cadaver, and I’m behind on my rent!

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15 thoughts on “The Top 10 Sexiest Things About Me…

  1. So…you’ve put your ten best qualities down on paper(well, cyberspace, anyway!)…my particular favorites were #6 and #9…I nearly choked on my coffee, I laughed so hard! Obviously, they work though..look at Thumbup..she’s still winkin’ at ya! LOL! Minor note to you…don’t add this to your next resume, ‘kay? You’d never get out of the employment office alive! LOL! love, Katie.

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