The Fool On The Hill
I find it disheartening that the very things I keep trying to escape in life, keep towing along with me seemingly, always! There are those Theologians of shattered dreams that would proclaim that negative vibes are what attracts negative events. Yet I’m forced to deal with a negative environment full of troubled people all the time, and then walk around with the altitude that I can readily be creative? I don’t even feel like I live in my own skin anymore! I know that I’m at a real low period in my life, and no one can help me because they’re all worse off than I am!
Figures that I’d become a nut-bar, and suddenly, everybody wants to get in on the act! LOL! It makes me feel smothered: as though I could go ahead and cry out, but after all really, what would be the use? Like the proverbial: ‘Fool On The Hill’, I see all that goes on about me all right, but never want to be a part of it. I tend to distance myself from everyone right now because I’m not particularly impressed by people in general anyway. When someone is screaming in pain all day from falling, and constantly searching the house for everything, it does not make me want to put on my party hat! I feel more like a cereal killer: downing more Bran Flakes than my gut can possibly hold! And the more sad I get, the more life is just about flakes…
One of the things that annoy me about people the most, is how they’ll promise you the moon, knowing full well they can never deliver… Well, that’s misleading because the very premise of the scam is to make some things happen at random, so you’ll always believe there’s a possibility it might come true. But as a rule, it doesn’t, or does, but in a wimpy way: they’ll make out like it’s a favor for you, but it’s really something that they want, disguised as something that you want. A favor that doesn’t exist… Weird!
Also, I lost my glasses over a month ago, and my Worker never returned my calls, saying it was because she only had my old number, yet whenever I called, I left the new number on her answering machine… This would be fine if a cookie woman, a wood bee friend and a total disregard for the entire human population were my only problems. NOT!! Not to mention… OK then. To mention, now I have to wait for their reply, which means I could end up this summer, as just one, big blur!
I stopped running for a couple of weeks because it was making me tired, so I thought it would allow me to spend time here. I wanted to write, but I was wrong! I was drawn here by all means, and didn’t lack for something to say, because of the whale like way I like to draw in plankton. I just feel like The Tin Man from: ‘The Wizard of OZ’: having no heart for such a strange land!
Alone in a Crowd…
It’s weird! It’s as though I can only view things as an outsider: as though my body won’t do what my mind commands it to do! And my body just feels like a vacant space: an unoccupied shell… You know in the past how I tried to kill myself by cutting my wrists with dangerous toothpicks! CHEAP Q-TIPS! And that gun? Well how was I to know it only fired caps? True, a ‘Cowboys and Indians’ game followed, in which I tied everyone up, and demanded their wallets and jewelry… Got enough for a club soda! And I would have gotten more if I knew how to be rotten without vomiting all over the place :O(
So, as you can see, I’m left with no choice but to come here with my dribble… For the low, low price of ABSOLUTELY FREE, I would give you all not one, but two paws full of magical, breath-taking, saw dust, if any one of you could tell me how to clime out of this hole I’ve dug myself into! I’m not happy, and you can’t make me! I enjoy not doing anything, but I’m afraid I’m going to turn into a Manikin! And I get moody if I don’t get my usual 16 hours sleep a day… I can dream can’t I?
I really don’t know how long it will take me to snap out of it… Could be six months. Could be six minutes. I have no idea…
If you’d like to become Bi-polar, write to:
123 Sycamore St.
Discarded Mail Sack;
Swift Current, Saskatchewan,