Alone in a Crowd

The Fool On The Hill

I find it disheartening that the very things I keep trying to escape in life, keep towing along with me seemingly, always!  There are those Theologians of shattered dreams that would proclaim that negative vibes are what attracts negative events.  Yet I’m forced to deal with a negative environment full of troubled people all the time, and then walk around with the altitude that I can readily be creative?  I don’t even feel like I live in my own skin anymore!  I know that I’m at a real low period in my life, and no one can help me because they’re all worse off than I am! 

Figures that I’d become a nut-bar, and suddenly, everybody wants to get in on the act!  LOL!  It makes me feel smothered: as though I could go ahead and cry out, but after all really, what would be the use?  Like the proverbial: ‘Fool On The Hill’, I see all that goes on about me all right, but never want to be a part of it.  I tend to distance myself from everyone right now because I’m not particularly impressed by people in general anyway.  When someone is screaming in pain all day from falling, and constantly searching the house for everything,  it does not make me want to put on my party hat!  I feel more like a cereal killer: downing more Bran Flakes than my gut can possibly hold!  And the more sad I get, the more life is just about flakes…

 

Promises Promises!

One of the things that annoy me about people the most, is how they’ll promise you the moon, knowing full well they can never deliver…  Well, that’s misleading because the very premise of the scam is to make some things happen at random, so you’ll always believe there’s a possibility it might come true.  But as a rule, it doesn’t, or does, but in a wimpy way: they’ll make out like it’s a favor for you, but it’s really something that they want, disguised as something that you want.  A favor that doesn’t exist…  Weird!

Also, I lost my glasses over a month ago, and my Worker never returned my calls, saying it was because she only had my old number, yet whenever I called, I left the new number on her answering machine…  This would be fine if a cookie woman, a wood bee friend and a total disregard for the entire human population were my only problems.  NOT!!  Not to mention…  OK then.  To mention, now I have to wait for their reply, which means I could end up this summer, as just one, big blur!

I stopped running for a couple of weeks because it was making me tired, so I thought it would allow me to spend time here.  I wanted to write, but I was wrong!  I was drawn here by all means, and didn’t lack for something to say, because of the whale like way I like to draw in plankton.  I just feel like The Tin Man from: ‘The Wizard of OZ’: having no heart for such a strange land!

 

Alone in a Crowd…

It’s weird!  It’s as though I can only view things as an outsider: as though my body won’t do what my mind commands it to do!  And my body just feels like a vacant space: an unoccupied shell…  You know in the past how I tried to kill myself by cutting my wrists with dangerous toothpicks!  CHEAP Q-TIPS!  And that gun?  Well how was I to know it only fired caps?  True, a ‘Cowboys and Indians’ game followed, in which I tied everyone up, and demanded their wallets and jewelry… Got enough for a club soda!  And I would have gotten more if I knew how to be rotten without vomiting all over the place :O(

So, as you can see, I’m left with no choice but to come here with my dribble…  For the low, low price of ABSOLUTELY FREE, I would give you all not one, but two paws full of magical, breath-taking, saw dust, if any one of you could tell me how to clime out of this hole I’ve dug myself into!  I’m not happy, and you can’t make me!  I enjoy not doing anything, but I’m afraid I’m going to turn into a Manikin! And I get moody if I don’t get my usual 16 hours sleep a day…  I can dream can’t I?

I really don’t know how long it will take me to snap out of it…  Could be six months.  Could be six minutes.  I have no idea…

If you’d like to become Bi-polar, write to:

Worthless Rejects;

123 Sycamore St.

Discarded Mail Sack;

Swift Current, Saskatchewan,

Can.

1h

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10 thoughts on “Alone in a Crowd

  1. It’s good to write and get it all out. I hope you climb out soon. I sure sympathize with you, for something is putting me on pause mode. I think it’s called that growing older thing, with me at least. Good luck to you.

    • Well, I didn’t get it ‘all’ out… I like to save something for later, just in-case I’ve nothing to bitch about next week. I’ve just received some news that will work out for me, indirectly, if all goes as planned. Me? I’m actually getting younger… No. My problem is from depression. I’m fighting my way back as fast as I can… It’s not easy! Thank you for you gracious support and understanding! May your pause end soon! How debilitating :O(

  2. I want to apply as worthless rejects hehehe actually, I am. I do try to stay out from the crowd at this given moment . You see the term what comes around goes around suffer the consequences of my actions. Now, trying to bring my life back to the way it was before like that man on the hill where everything he saw was perfect before three tsunami hits him and drive his life insane for a reason. I understand why it happen and must happen you see…. before the upheaval happens God already told me through visions and dreams what will take place . A lesson must be learned to make me see life’s stark reality to achieve balance in life. If , I can’t achieve that balance then, I still live in my eternal battle of lost self identity and constant hurt. I learned and my perceptions have change and I’m on my way of healing but admits that at the moment my outer turmoils are ironed . I’m working on my inner self healing trying to bring back that man on the hill where my spirit soar like a white dove in the air.Mingling christianity with business without sinning…. On my part I’m learning and studying how to make money but at the moment I know I’m still not that good . I must study and gain certificate for self improvement. I’ll read more blogs and study more the ins and outs of business this is as new world to me.It’s my choice to stay out of the crowd even though I know that I must abide to some rules for that I’m sorry.I’m no good a following others.

    • Thank you for this accounting Franz! I espesially admire your moral stance on what kind of employment you should choose. If more people were conscious of this, they’d gain more opportunity for longer lasting employment and a clear conscience as an added dividend. I’m please to see young people taking their careers from more of a professional viewpoint.

      Learning lessons is why we’re here. Anyone who puts on a perfect facaude, is not in learning mode. And unless we can accept that life means taking chances and making mistakes, wisdom would never follow. Also on the rise, is that young people are hanging with more old people, hence shorteniong the burden along that long, rocky road to successful financial well being. Improvements wwithin our social structure are gradually immerging. This is good news! I certainly can tell that you don’t think the easy road leads anywhere, affirming your sensible approach, and that if it were easy, what sense of reward would there be? Greater strength practically belongs to greater determination to find different methods of approach to this ball-game called ‘life’…

      • I always admire older people the reason I constantly wear down their doorsteps find answers about life . They have been there and done that and they know and feel what really life is….Yes, life is a lesson and a constant education .I think no one is perfect …. I just learn the difference in wordpress.com just recently that it is governed by organization so, there are blog rules to be followed why wp.org is private. I think no one is perfect anyone and everyone has thier say about that issues. All , I can say is that all things that lead to a good life is not easy to follow but they are the ones that is more rewarding the “old path” the reason why we are here for.Forget about science and research they just complicates things ….there’s a boook that speak of human existence and our rules in life. I consider myself as worthless reject because following rules is hard but sometimes its good to play fair to have fun sometimes and go with the flow while, not losing oneself . I’m thankful, that I learned my lessons the hard way and strategically solve them by learning the hard way . Wp teach me lots of lesson but I’m glad and thankful to find friends here whose minds are remarkably brilliant. I learn my lesson from a seed to a tree until it bears fruit and feeds the birds and insects with it. Planting and harvesting needs time and we don’t know if the seed that we planted turns out to be a weed we’re hoping that weed will flower and bloom to beautify our garden. Life is full of uncertainty .Wisdom to the young person as I am ….must be learned from the older generation knowledge is different from wisdom . If we are thought a lesson we must be proud because that means that the older generation cares for us.

  3. Darrell, I didn’t respond to this blog bec. I wasn’t notified on email, on wordpress…weird also since you write in columns on your front page that it didn’t appear there bec. quite frankly I read you top to bottom(nojokes,OK?)…wasn;t doing so well myself at the time, so can see slim chance of not seeing it on your actual site…but I usually get email note, or see it on my wordpress site…can’t believe you’ve gone six wks without eyewear…had that myself, yrs back…took eight months to afford a new pair…then old pair “showed up” on the coffee table in my l.r…..that, however is another story..I don’t know what to say bec. I know how stupid Welfare can get (I personally think the workers are directly related or produced on same assembly line as Pharmacists!LOL!)…it feels too lame to say I hope it’ll work out so all I can do is pray…at least I know God is not a Nazi, and can answer even about somebody’s eyewear…also noticing that my commentaries are becoming mini-blogs so better sign off..love, Katie.

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