‘New’ Isn’t Always Better


A reasonable explanation

Women are here to help us understand chaos!  I’m sure that when Astronomers finally understood that the universe will one day fly apart, they also must’ve reasoned it must therefore be female…  Not that women don’t have some wonderful qualities.  I just can’t think of any off hand.  You can show them living proof, or at least a photo of why a certain thing isn’t so, and they’ll still deny it!  And some people still think Pluto is a planet.

I used to fool myself into thinking I could live with a woman forever, because it seemed to me that commitment what they wanted… And they got their wish…  I was committed!  LOL!  They just didn’t finish the sentence is all.  They wanted to live with me, forever in a mental institution!  I came home with real employment skills for weaving baskets, but that wasn’t good enough for her! She said what I truly lacked, was a PH.D in basket weaving!  Thinking just like Astronomers, they only expect you to know one thing really well…  And they always need their ‘space!’ 

When I was young, I thought by starting a fresh relationship, things would be different.  Now, the novelty wears off as soon as they speak!  Then, it was bad enough that they’d forget my name when I called.  Now they forget who I am after living with me too!  I get tired of being referred to as: ‘What’s his name?’  That’s how Galileo referred to Jupiter!

In the same way an asteroid may strike the earth for no apparent reason, she may strike you!  And you’ll never find out why because then she doesn’t want to talk about it.  That Tuskian Russian asteroid left no trace!  Women often leave you the exact same way:  everything around you is completely devastated, yet no implement of mass destruction is left behind!

Mercury has no atmosphere because it’s too close to the sun.  I feel the same way when a woman starts talking.  I get hot under the collar, and the room gets depleted of oxygen!  They resemble other heavenly bodies too.  If you sleep with one, it’s like why Uranus is tipped sideways: there’s less and less space around you, until you’re knocked out of orbit completely!

Never go shopping with a woman.  It’s like being sucked into a black hole:  time stands still, and all physical laws suddenly change to suit her!  You have to lie your face off: ‘Just because they call it a fright wig, that doesn’t mean you look like a clown!’  Else-wise, she’ll make you sit with her through three episodes of: ‘Coronation Street!’  And isn’t that kind of like being stranded on the moon?

It takes our galaxy 2 million years to make one rotation.  It takes her just as long to put her make-up on!  ‘Darling One?  Do you think 16 pounds of the lite lipstick, or 22 pounds of dark matter?’  You’ll get to the show just in time to see they’ve already turned it into a bowling alley…  Then they say it’s your fault for suggesting dark lipstick!  

So you tell me.  What’s more dramatic?  A woman or a super nova?  You don’t really know now do you?  That’s because they’re both the same!  They never get old, and they never go away…  So ‘New’ isn’t always better!


5 thoughts on “‘New’ Isn’t Always Better

  1. Ah! and if i watch movies and believe them then I will say that even though 50% of women are not like that but men always are attracted to the brighter side of the moon 😉

    The one that dazzles and sometimes singes. ha ha.

    • This was just a spoof… Truly, I’m crazy about women in general. There’s just the odd one that really gets to me and makes my skin crawl. Generally though? They’re a loving, smart, caring and considerate and industrious bunch :O)

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