My Stinking Christmas

What?  No likes from my last post?  Did I go and burst your naive, little bubble there?  I do know that you wanted to hear all about St. Nick The Prick instead, followed up with so Ho Ho’s, but it just makes me feel like I’m talking to a bunch of four year olds…  It’s time to get back to Terrorist threats, greedy store bought pigs, and the foul, stench of human kind.

I see you Americans have another Bush who’s leading the polls for the 2016 election.  When are you going to learn that you control nothing?  They’ve turned the tables on all your protests BTW, and now emphasize the shooting of poor, innocent, heroic, friendly, Policemen.  There’s another big crock of bat poop for you to swallow…  Same poop, different day…  Here’s a picture of riots:

londonriots

My Stinking Christmas

So Leslie’s burn-out son and his zombie wife showed up on schedule with their constantly screaming kid for whom they keep prisoner in his bassinet or by clinging onto him like two vultures on shift work.  I’d scream day and night too if I had them for parents.  The kid’s more of an inconvenience to them than anything else.  If you’d like to know how to raise a prize moron, they have the technique down pat. Leslie gave them the bassinet for Christmas BTW.  What a novel idea for an implement of torture…

I got a zero water filter that nobody else is interested in but me.  Leslie prefers her suicidal, nine cups of coffee a day, with four spoons of sugar per…  Of corpse, not to ‘spoil’ Christmas, I had to consume their fat turkey I’ve been avoiding all year, smothered with enough grease to keep a car running from here to Mexico.  My yule logs were too big to flush, and the only missile toe I enjoyed, was to kick the cat out the door!

Cleaning up their snobby messes every day, and the 600 pounds of garbage they produce, kept me jolly, while they forced baked goods, and cholesterol filled chocolate down my throat.  To say: ‘No.’ is to hurt their tender sensitivities and fill me with guilt for spoiling their demoniac festivities…  

Leslie gave me chocolate sitting here to rot, and socks, shampoo, and cream rinse…  No surprise there.  I could have bought that stuff myself.  The place was kept at a constant 140 degrees Fahrenheit for the sake of the baby of corpse! They must really think I’m as stupid as they are!   They filled the place with life saving cigarette and pot smoke, and left me with the flu…  It was only for 10 days, or 240 hours times 60 minutes, trying to hold my breath.  That was my Christmas. How was yours?  Guess I’ll get back to work…  You bore me anyway…

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2 thoughts on “My Stinking Christmas

  1. im sorry friend. i think our town should be declared insane. lmao.your Christmas sounds like a sequel to national lampoons christmas vacation. mine sucked too but yours was worse. i love your story though awsome story. . on boxing day i went to walmart drug store section too look for cough syrup i said excuse me please and she said oh sorry but just stood there so i couldnt read any labels and get the kind i wanted.the bakery guy yelled at me for putting back bagels on the wrong shelf then nearly hit me with a loading dolly at 50 miles and hour.lol the cashier didnt know what a coupon was or how to use it. another customer lady kept harassing me and following me around for a sweater in my hands in the size she wanted. she kept pointing at other sweaters she wanted me to buy instead of the one i picked out. the shoes were all summer wear. complete disaster. i guess they had a rotten xmas too or didnt want to work . you prolly heard my son screaming xmas morning from your house he went balistic at 9 in the morning and has been rotten to me ever since cuz i bought a guitar he doesnt like. . lol i hope your visitors leave soon so you can get some sense of calm and order.back in your home. i know how much that kind of stuff bothers you. lets hope new years eve is better. i think im gonna get sideways on champagne bubbles and swing from the new balcony for new years eve. w0000h000 . lol

    • This had me laughing all the way through! God! It’s not safe to go out anymore by the sound of things. You can’t get any peace around people, that’s for sure! Thank you for perking me right up with this. I sure wish you had your own blog. You’ve certainly got the talent to keep people on the edge of their seats…

      How are you though? You seem in good spirits in spite of the Christmas drizzle. That’s great to see. It’s always great to see you here. You’re very entertaining! Leslie bought a bottle of Sherry for New Years Eve… And then we had an argument because she said it’s a liquor and I said it’s a wine. So I drank it all and got her really pissed off! Well? She should know better than to stick a bottle of booze in front of me, and then insult my intelligence. Acting like a complete idiot, was just the reward she needed!

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