TV and Me

You should kick the crap out of your TV set


It never fails to amaze me how here in Ontario, I can subscribe to over 600 channels, all of which have nothing but crap on them!  And right next door in Quebec, they have only two channels, both showing great movies, but THEY’RE BOTH IN FRENCH!!  The commercials are longer than the shows themselves, and I’m really not interested in watching: ‘How it’s Made’ to see how they process beef jerky which is just another synonym for burnt meat!  Why don’t you just inject yourself WITH CANCER!  TV sets belong in the junk yard!  If you think that more channels means better selection, YOU’RE ALL TOTALLY OUT OF YOUR LIVING SKULLS!

Is there anything on TV that wasn’t made for a sixteen year old?  Oh sure!  What a 62 year old needs, is to run right out and buy an expensive bottle of ZIT CREAM!!  Just how many movies does Arney have to make before he became HITLER over CALIFORNIA, before we all realize the REAL WAR, is right here at home trying to wrestle open a tin of peas!  And why do they have so many shows telling Criminals the proper way to slit your throat?  Don’t we have enough death and violence in the kitchen?  Now, they have a show on the Travel Channel called: ‘Wives with Knives!’  What does stabbing you Ex to death have to do with going to Tim Buck 2?  If you’re all so fired up on going somewhere, how-come you’d rather watch the weather channel than get up off your sorry asses and LOOK OUT THE WINDOW???

Is it really necessary to shout at football games, spewing hamburger meat all over the living room, when the truth of the matter is, THEY CAN’T HEAR YOU ANYWAY!!  And why pray tell, do you put the commercial on pause when you go for a tinkle? Afraid you’re going to miss how their car out performs yours?  I’d rather KILL MYSELF at a BUS STOP!!  And why do I pay for dozens of repeats?  Who on God’s green earth (OK…  Charcoal brown…), expects to watch 9 hours of Coronation Street, without slipping into a coma?  That’s the most BORING show I’ve ever seen, and in MY CASE, it only makes for projectile vomiting!  And a Lion, ripping apart a Gazelle, looks just like you, AT THE DINNER TABLE!!  If you want MY ADVICE, you should kick the LIVING CRAP out of your TV set!!  It’s even better than WANKING OFF!!


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