A Brilliant Idea
An 18 year old from the low end of the gene pool came home from special class every day and greet his Mom the same way as he always had all his life: ‘It’s me Mom!’ The one day she said to him: ‘You’re always sitting around watching TV… It’s time you learned how to make a living for yourself!’ Everyday after school, I want you to start looking for a job!’
So the next day when he came home, she asked him: ‘Did you find a job?’ And he answered: ‘Not today Mom…’ The same thing happened with the same answer for three days in a row. Then finally, he came home and said: ‘I got a job Mom!’ So she asked: ‘Doing what?’ He quiped: ‘It’s a secret, but if you stand outside at the corner after school, I’ll show you what I do!’ So tomorrow came and faithfully she stood thereon the corner, but didn’t see him. After 15 minutes went by, she saw an Ambulance coming. And there he was on the hood shouting: ‘ME MOM, ME MOM, ME MOM, ME MOM…’
One day, the fire in a man’s loins began to get the better of him. He had no wife or girl-friend, so he sought out the next best thing: the Brothel down the street. He was escorted to a shabby room with torn wallpaper, and just a small cot in one corner. So with great anticipation, he hurriedly got undressed, and positioned himself on the cot.
After about 5 minutes had passed, in walks this huge, fat woman with enormous boobs, naked as a jay bird! He was expecting something, shall we say, a little more demure. Anyway, she strattles over top of him, and starts whipping him relentlessly in the face with her long black hair!
‘WAIT A MINUTE!!’ he said: ‘What are ya doin?’ ‘I’m Hurricane Tessy!’ she muttered. ‘These are the palm tree leaves waving in the breeze before the storm!’ He thought it somewhat unorthodox but who was he to question a good time, so he nodded in agreement and endured. Suddenly she starts pelting him with her enormous boobs! ‘HOLD ON!! HOLD ON!! What’s this now?’ he pleaded? ‘I’m Hurricane Tessy! These are the coconuts falling off the trees from the heavy winds!’ ‘Alrighty then…’ he said. Then she lifts herself up and starts to pee all over him! Frustrated, he inquires: ‘WHAT THE FORK IS THIS NOW???’ ‘I’m Hurricane Tessy! These are the gentle rains from the Hurricane!’
At this, he gets up, and starts getting dressed: ‘What are ya doin?’ she asked. ‘I’M LEAVIN!’ he said. ‘Well why?’ she asked: ‘I was just gettin started!’ Him: ‘AWE!! WHO CAN PORK IN THIS WEATHER???’
Sneaky Pete (The hair-lip boy)
Everyday for the last 20 years Sneaky Pete would pass by Georges house and everyday they’d have the same exchange: Sneaky Pete: ‘How-thit goin George?’ George: Everything’s goin just fine Pete!’ Every single day for 20 years! Then on this one day, Pete stops and talks to George! He says: Ya know George? Your wife’ths one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever saw on the faith of thith earth? George amazed and intrigued that he’d talk to him at all says: ‘Why thank you Pete! That’s a wonderful compliment! Pete says right away: ‘And George? she has the most beautiful set of jugth I ever did thee on a woman!’ So George says: ‘Uhhh… Well thanks Pete… That’s a compliment…’ Pete: ‘And George? I’ll give you 50 dollarth if ya just let me suck on one of them there jugth for just 5 minutes!’
So George gets ta thinkin! The car payments ARE over-due… All she has to do is just strip down to the waist! What harm could it do? So George rushes in to run it by his wife, and she agrees! So Pete gets down on his knees and starts nuzzling into them! Meanwhile, George has his handy dandy stop watch goin he got from Canadian tire… Soon 3 minutes have gone by and Pete keeps nuzzlin. George gets a little concerned. ‘C’mon Pete! You’ve only got 2 minutes left, you’d better get ta suckin, or yer gonna miss out! But Pete pays no never mind and just keeps nuzzlin…
Now it’s down to the 30 second mark, and George is now desperate: ‘C’mon Pete! Time’s almost up! SUCK’m!!’ So Pete says: ‘I CAN’T!! ‘WHY NOT!!’ says George! Pete: ‘CUTH I HAVEN’T GOT 50 DOLLARTH!’ LOL!