I Must Be in Denial

I am constantly grappling with why I get 234 comments in: ‘Dinosaur Extracts’ Hobbies category, from people I’ve never met, and virtually nothing from people I comment to on my Reader?  In all fairness, I need you to tell me what the problem is with my writing so that I can correct it and bring you more relevant content.  This provides for a win win situation, complimentary to us all.  There are some things I have great difficulty with and need guidance for.  One of which is the sorry life I’ve lead that has frozen up my heart except to express rage. Denial is my only refuge…

I’ve seen nothing but people parading by me getting everything out of life, whereas I’ve only experienced adversity and heartache!  In real life, I attract people like a magnet attracts metal filings.  No!  I meant to say: ‘Like a flower attracts honey bees’ yet see, that sounds all too feminine to me, though that’s where the emotional statement resides!  My poems seem to be the only place where I can let go, and I avoid this by making too many funny ones and not enough serious ones! Crying is supposed to be good for me, yet I seem to never be able to.  

Then when I do cry, it comes out in buckets and I can’t stop, further driving me away from the inclination.  I can compute, access, anylize (stupid dictionary) with pin point accuracy.  Yet when it comes to me just saying how I love you and why, I just draw a blank, and that’s so painful for me!  If I get to your site and see your heart’s in trouble, I’m a mountain spring of suggestions to tackle the problem, but can’t feel it with you.  Sad huh?  That’s what I thought you’d say…  Having smarts is no more than robotic without feelings.  I know I feel that I need you badly, but can’t express that without telling you off for rejecting me.  Where is the answer? Beats me!  I must be in denial :O(

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