Let’s Just Chat First
I went to bed at midnight, and the cat woke me up at 5.30 this morning. Yet everything feels alright… Seems I really just don’t require my usual 16 hours sleep when I was in a drug induced coma. It may be because of my greatly improved health or it may be because I’m entering my platinum years. Not just sure on that one. I do know my stats are lookin’ lean and mean. There are 28 views here by just 5 people with a beautiful 5.6 rating! 21 views from The U.S.. of A. And 7 views from Australia. Yay! I know Canada’s on drugs because you’re all still asleep. LOL! Of corpse there’s some 15 hours difference between here and Australia. Down there, it’s starting to get warm out and you’re just getting ready to tuck in for the night. Like I always tell you: ‘Everything’s backwards!’ May you wrestle in your sleep and fall out of bed! Or, as they say in Iraq: ‘May the fleas of a thousand Camels infest your arm-pits!’
It has been brought to my attention, by me, that you are quite unprepared for any spiritual leadership, and we be this way for quite sometime just yet. In case you haven’t noticed, you big group of Dummies, I have moved from your physical instruction, into the deep, dark casual place of the emotional you! Boy! Did I get that wrong! LOL! More like a constantly stirred witches brew: ‘Boil and bubble! Toil and trouble!’ The time has come however, for me to plant the spiritual seed within you so that you may grow, and blossom into God knows what! Or put as you know it, it’s time for a brain washing session. Oh C’mon! I won’t sight a single platitude. You have my word on that, both as a liar and a thief! OK! Enough with the small talk. Let’s get down brass thumb tacks!
Why So Many So Set On God?
Good question. Glad I asked… Some of us, including yours truly, have been specifically chosen and prepared to do his work for him on Earth. If not, he’d make the rocks cry out, as they do in a K-Hole… Don’t ask! I, me me mine, and a multitude of others are fully conscious of what it was like before we were born. And after we’re born, he keeps giving us signs like: ‘Stop!’ and ‘Slippery when wet!’ No kidding. Huh? I thought it was: ‘Sticky when wet!’ Oh I’m such a dirty cockadoody! My weakness is sex. I know! That’s the worst one! But only with Hamsters. I don’t want to start off by getting kinky here! Just shut up and read, or I’ll pinch myself!
So pull your eye lids up, and I’ll tell you what I understood before birth. Nut bar as this sounds, and sneakily inserted in some other post somewhere, before I was born, I was sitting on a teeny, tiny cloud of beer, far too invisible for Hubble to see. I had no sense of time because the entire event took less than five minutes according to my own recollection. It was just that suddenly, I was conscious of a self, though only a spiritual self. Well you don’t think I was physical do you? I would have fallen through space drunk! What a nightmare!
No, I just sat there on my teeny, tiny cloud marveling at all the stars around me, already an Astronomy buff at heart not yet ready for humping! Sorry! I meant to say pumping :O( There was no bright light. No long tunnel. No glowing cheeses! Sorry! I meant to say Jesus :O( There was just a soft male voice filled with wisdom I could sense, that told me that it was time for me to be born. Not knowing what it was, I said: ‘But I want to stay here!’ then the voice said: ‘You have no choice!’ Then I said: ‘But I’m afraid!’ Then the voice said: ‘Everything is going to be alright…’ And that’s it. I don’t remember anything else until…
A German word designed to break the rebellious human spirit! And don’t you want to know why? In Canada we start going to a kind a preppy Kindergarten at age four, for only a half day. I recall the memory of my Mummy sitting me down to talk about it, because I said the very same words: ‘But I’m afraid!’ So she said: It’s gonna be fun for you! You’re gonna meet all kinds of friends! And learn all kinds of interesting things! And I’ll be right there at noon, after a few shots, to pick you up! So having been reassured, on the bus I got, waving frantically goodbye to the only person I really trusted. Holy cow! There are 780 words already??? There’s not enough womb on here for me! Here’s what greeted me at school:
First thing I noticed on one side of the womb, were two girls, bent over, pulling on each others hair! Both of them were crying but neither would let go! Then on the other side was this kid, male in nature, running around in circles, with his arms wide spread, pretending he was an airplane! Obviously, he just wanted out of there! My teacher looked just like Rosalind Russell! You know the type: ‘Now class, <SMACK, SMACK, SMACK!> just sit down and shut up or I’ll call you mothers! Understand?’ ‘Now today we’re going to read a book together called: ‘Dick and Jane!’ And I thought [Oh boy! Child Pornography! Just what I wanted!] And it WAS too: ‘Here is Dick. Dick is big! He has a little sister. Her name is Jane. Jane has a dog. It’s name is Spot. Oh! See Spot grow!’ Pretty graphic huh? Too many words… I can say no more… Pack up your old kit bag, and get real! Welcome to human consciousness…