Don’t Touch Me There!


markeet blog pictures (74)

Remember how curious you were as a child, and how you just don’t give a rats ass now?  Look at this picture of Winston Churchill checking out this dogs teeth.  I think the dog’s just going along for the ride.  Children are naturally inquisitive and that’s how we should be too.  Get into trouble!  Safe is boring… Get into a car wreck!  Stick your tongue on a freezing pole!

I know.  As soon as you find the fridge, your curiosity suddenly comes rampaging back to you!  You need to get out and ride the merry-go-round until you puke your guts up!  Why don’t you get out your old cowboy hat, and toy six shooters, and wait for the Police?  Break your routine, or nuke it or something!  Go outside and play!  Get your friends together and chew gum balls!  Remember hop scotch and skipping?  Boy!  did you ever look ridiculous!  And guys!  Remember running into a tree?  I have nothing but spitballs in my heart for you (Eeeew!), if you’ve locked the kid in you away!  There’s nothing to be ashamed of.  Soon there’ll be poop in your diapers again anyway…

Are You Touched?


I knew you wood bee!  That sort of thing goes on more than we know.  And if I ever hear!  You know?  Generally though, kids are the apple in my eye!  We really should be more like them, groping at each other behind the wood shed!  I have nothing but spit on my brain, that we don’t watch them more closely!  Not just because we want to feel tiny people, rather, because they have a lot to teach us about humanoid relations!  

You can’t just mope around spilling your guts about sucking from the water cooler at the Office, without a cup to be found! Leave the Office at the Office, even though everyone else from there is now at home pissing themselves laughing at you. Go back to work tomorrow with your own cup that says: ‘Mommy still checks my head for lice!’ on it, and you’ll be surprised at what a 4 year old you really look like.  You can do it!  Now you’ll have them pissing themselves at work too!  And presto! You are all big kids again, feeling each other behind the paper shredder :O)

Living Proof!


When the kid in you comes out, there’s always brand new stuff for you to think about.  This takes you out of your pill popping Zombie state, and back to being a clueless tree sloth where you belong.  In this way, your mind is forced to wrestle with dumb, frustrating cockadoodies until you must stick your tongue out at your boss and call him: SUCKLE BABY, SUCKLE BABY!’  Careful though!  It may make him suckle!  If he tries it, just say: ‘EAT ME!  Or better yet: ‘Don’t touch me there!’  The kiddie bag she’s holding?  It probably says: ‘Child Pornography’…  OK.  Go chase a parked car!  It’s time for my Bah Bah!  Quit bugging me, or I’ll call The Child Protection agency!


13 thoughts on “Don’t Touch Me There!

    • You’re quite right! Pedophiles are ramped, not just among strangers, but with an old uncle or little sister. And the children are usually threatened if they say anything! I really should take this topic more seriously… It’s touchy (forgive the pun), but I’ll see what I can come up with, given it doesn’t get me angry about it. I have personal issues here as well :O(

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