Understanding Understanding…

Even I don’t Understand Me!

Recently, I read something that goes kind of like this (That means it’s probably a misquote) : ‘Those who love you bring happiness.  Those who are your friends install dignity.  Bad people give you experience,  The worst people teach you lessons.  Here’s my take on it:  ‘Those who love you kill you.  Those who are your friends suck you dry.  Bad people discredit you.  The worst people knock your teeth out.  Most people can’t handle the truth.  Especially me!  Yet some recent events have opened my eyes to some of my problems (via the truth), which I have now taken on.

I’ve been in a deep seated rage for a long time now, trying to adjust to a way of life I totally disapprove of now, and because of my fastidious approach to everything, I believed people and yes, inanimate objects, were contributing to and conspiring to execute my downfall!  Even little things like tripping over the cat, would send me through the roof!  Thanks to all the methods I’ve employed to improve my physical health, all the other aspects of me, emotional, cognitive and spiritual side, have fallen back in line.  I’m sure some…  OK, most of you were aware of that!  Since, I’ve asked Oden to send the wind to turn the tide, and I guess through a keener view point, I’ve seen through my cloud, and exercised the necessary discipline to dissipate it!

As we all know from cold, hard experience, anger begets anger.  In other words, the more you allow yourself to get angry, the easier it will be to trigger it in you.  As you further know, this torturous and ugly beast within us all, must be put back into his cage, and the key thrown away.  But how?  An astronomical amount of people, totally convinced that they are right, and the other 8 billion people on this rock are wrong, like to revel in this assessment for sometimes they’re entire greatly shortened lives!  This is a travesty of justice that must be quelled at the source!

Not only must you talk to yourself on a constant basis whenever you feel about to erupt, you have to be convincing enough that this is indeed your problem, and carry the faith needed to make this go away!  You’re going to have to look at it all in concern for the bigger picture rather than the narrow surface annoyance you ‘think’ you see!  You have to be persuasive that the little things are just that, and that the bigger things are far more complex than they appear on the surface.  Once you bring yourself to this understanding, the door will open back up, and the sunshine will shine through for you again.  I even found out, some irritating objects are movable…  Dah!  And no more irritations open many doors for you!

What Self Discovery Can Do…

It was very irritating to me that as soon as I’d do something, I’d immediately forget what it was.  With new eyes to see, I knew that since I had long stopped doing all the harmful things to myself and for the first time in my life considered my own well being, I got a flash that what I was really experiencing was selective memory loss.  I was really just doing this to myself!  My enormously inflated monster ego was telling me to ignore signs of my weaknesses; like where I put my glasses.  Did I take my depression pill?  Why can’t I hear the cat meowing to get in?  It was because I had the TV turned up, to block out everything else, which in turn was making my anxious!  Why was I forgetting Leslie’s coffee I just made in the microwave, or even to make her supper, which I said I would?

In Leslie’s case, the very first day after I thought I had defeated all this hatred toward everything and everybody, she did one tiny thing that ripped it all down in one fell swoop!  She made me fiddle with something that was completely unrepairable, and I just lost it!  I went crazy again, and all the happiness and relief drained out of me in mere seconds!  I felt devastated and hopeless to fight it once more!  I had that dream then that night I told you about, still having fumes exude from the top of my head for the entire day, I woke up the next day feeling fine surprisingly!  So for the first time in a few eons, I just fell in her arms and cried it all out of me!  I thought: [I should do this more often!]

Then it suddenly dawned on me, that where before I had seen Leslie as a tiny, little, squeamish suckle baby, and weakling of a woman, I finally came to the understanding that this was her outlet for relieving stress so that she doesn’t turn into the Monster that I was to her!  And guess what?  Understanding was the cure for me!  No longer did I resent it when she cried… about ever 15 minutes…  LOL!  A huge annoyance to me had dissipated into thin air, just like that!  Feather more, I realized that smoking pot was clouding my view of reality, and drinking was fueling my rage!

Leslie and I are getting along famously now!  In spite of my pleadings against all the bad things that affect her over-all well-being, she stubbornly persists in pursuing her demise.  However, realizing there was a lot of BIG things I needed to correct in myself, I could no longer condemn her for being the way she is.  For now at least, that’s her choice!  And you can’t change the stripes on a tiger.  Go ahead and try!  Cut off all their fur, and the stripes will still be there…  So, in just a few short weeks of talking to myself, everything that comprises me, has improved 100 fold!  At last I can think again!  And I can feel!  ‘I think!  Therefore I’m right!’  Not quite:  ‘I feel!  Therefore I am!’  I am sent me!  Learn to forgive, and you will be set free!  And remember: ‘Only YOU can prevent forest fires’!  I may still not be the smartest Joker in the deck, but I am all the more determined, to become a better Blogger.  I can now unleash my potential  :O)

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