10 Things You Can Do Without

  • A Remote Control – Should a station selector and an on off button be enough?  Remote controls are starting to look like consoles at NASA!  Last time, I didn’t even tough the thing, and the time changed on my Next Box to that of some distant country!  Sometimes my Farmers fingers will accidentally plow up stations I’ve never even heard of!  The Jews invented Television to put you in your seat while they go out and collect all the cash!  Smart people.  It worked!
  • Labels on food that just tell you partial truths –  What a bunch of sneaky wood bees!  They may mention sugars, but not what kind.  If it’s got 0 grams of fiber in it, why are you mentioning the word fiber at all except for the fact that we like to see it?  You tell us how much cholesterol is in it, but not how much is safe to consume…  How can orange juice have 130 % vitamin C in it?  Doesn’t 100% leave no room for oranges?
  • Toilet Bowl Plungers – Toilet bowls don’t have enough water in them now to plunge!  All you can do now, is fart air out the side of them, summoning an ambulance!
  • Tiny Brita Jugs – What an encouragement to drink clean water if you have to fill the fool thing up 56 times a day!
  • Airbags – A lot of people survive the accident but are killed by the airbag!  What people in their right minds, kills you to save your life?
  • Tuna Fish – They’re at the top of the food chain, so they contain all the mercury!  Also, they’re at the top of the food chain!
  • Bringing Dinosaurs Back – Why?  Haven’t they had enough to eat already?  While we’re at it, why don’t we bring back Polio, Smallpox, and The Bubonic Plague?
  • Alarm Clocks – Don’t you know you have a built in alarm clock, ye of little faith?  Or must Led Zeppelin induce shock?  No wonder you must put your feet up and have a coffee first thing…
  • Trucks that beep while they back up – As if we don’t know they’re there!  Why the rear view mirrors then?  Why don’t cars beep when they back up?  You’d rather your toddler be squished by a car instead?
  • Prime Minister Harper – To me, he’s a thing.  OK?  No wonder Isis wants his head.  He sounds like a hunk of beef!  He should change his name to Prime Rib…

9 thoughts on “10 Things You Can Do Without

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