I Whacked My Balls Yesterday!

Tennis:  Not for the Faint of Heart!

Some people insist Tennis is a mambee pambee sport…  I beg to differ!  (Please!  Let me differ!  I’ll do anything!)   Tennis is a kin somewhat to Boxing: ‘Tennis is Chess at 90 mph.’ – Robin Williams  A typical challenging match up of 5 sets, is equal to sprinting five miles!  If you have a serve coming at you at 130 mph. and you want to send it back with the same velocity, thats 260 mph. worth, created by just your arm, shoulder and racket!  This requires enormous strength and agility, not to mention, almost pin point accuracy!  You wind up with one arm that looks normal, and your racket arm looks like Popeye’s arm!  Yes, you must now lift extra weights with your other arm to stay looking proportional…  

What’s it Feel Like?

You’re out of breath most of the time!  The first time I took Bone Head down, we were just trying to get the ball back and forth and try to get into a rally!  One one ball, I went up to the net, he lobbed it over my head, I leaned back on my heals to try and hit it, and fell right on my butt!  Ouch!  It took a couple of days before my butt felt more natural again; You know.  You have to make sure your farts are still in tune, and try to stop waddling like a Duck!  You might think me a little quacked in the head for doing this at all!  It’s quite an exciting experience when you do get into rallies though!  Ran up to drop shots I never retrieved…

You have to be so fast in seeing where the ball is going, as soon as it leaves your opponent’s racket, and try to position yourself behind it, so you can get a good whack at it!  Bonehead got a lot of low, fast balls in, that I kept scrambling to get a racket on, but just couldn’t direct the ball!  I felt like a frustrated failure each time and just couldn’t get to it quite in time, and it would fling off the side of my racket; a Wilson graphite racket I got at the thrift store for $20!  Then there were the ones that would whiz by at chest level; they just look like a blur because you can only see them from a side angle.  For those, you have to jump up, and Dumbo The Clown here, me, I never figured that out…  Plus I poked myself in the mouth with the side of my racket.  

The next time we played, we concentrated on getting our serves in the appropriate rectangle.  We were putting more of our body weight behind serves as well.  And guess what?  I dashed up to a low fast ball, skidding off the side line, and I whacked that ball on a difficult angle and it went right in!  How do you like that for progress?  Next time, we’re going to practice jumping up during our serves to direct the ball down into the court more accurately, and jumping up for side forehands.

The serve will be most difficult because you have to co-ordinate a lot together at the same time;  you have to get it just the right hight and just in front of you, then bend your body like an ‘S’ shape, to coil like a snake, jump up at just the right height to meat the ball where it has stopped at it’s highest point for but a fraction of a second, and throw your whole body forward while you whack the ball dead center on your racket and hope you land on one leg and not your face!  It’s exhausting, you have to be a human contortionist, and faster than a speeding tennis ball!  It’s fun!  And…  At least I whacked my balls!

120427060342-andy-murray-27-4-story-topThis is a picture of Andy Murry swallowing a tennis ball before a live audience!  Djokovic and his: ‘Into the body’ shots… Murry remarked later: ‘It was a little painful, yet had a nice,  peppermint taste!’  In the end, which I couldn’t stay awake for, Djokovic won it.  Why do they do things backwards?  I live in the same time zone as New York.  Why do they have to start games so late if they now have five MSN feeds to choose from?


4 thoughts on “I Whacked My Balls Yesterday!

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