Rant #162

Midgets

I know what you’re thinking right off the bat: ‘Why pick on the little guy?’  Well what about us big guys?  If furniture looks big to Midgets, it looks dinky to big people!  Well isn’t that just the same thing in reverse?  But no!  They get all the glory, and we get called: big, clumsy, awkward, dumb clucks!  I am not a cluck!  OK?  LOL!

You know?  I can’t even say: ‘I wouldn’t trust that guy as far as I could throw him!’, cuz you could probably throw a Midget 50 ft., if you had a mind to!  That’s far!  Well you know what that means don’t you?  I have to trust them!  Look at this Pelvis Presley cheap imitation!  It’s disgusting!

midget

I’m Fine…

When someone asks you how you are, what’s with the: ‘I’m fine!’ response?  I feel like answering: ‘Well I’m Curly, and this is my friend Moe here.  What-a-ya mean you’re fine?  Stress invades everyone, disease is rampant and the air is full of it!  The world is dying, but you’re fine eh?  Even if you looked liked this, I’ll bet The Brooklyn Bridge, you’d still say: ‘I’m fine!’

3-excuses-for-smoking-1

Airtight Seals!

You know the ones I mean; where you stand there all day, looking like a first-class idiot trying to fiddle and fumble with things encased in plastic, or have those invisible separation seals that well, frankly, a man with my humungous fingers can’t possibly open!  Like battery packing and such, it’s just so frustrating to get in!  As the image below demonstrates, you’d need a Locksmith to get into these!  You wind up beating the pulp out of them instead:

foodmer1

Bread with a Rip in the Bag!

You must’ve done this before.  You go shopping, get all the way home, and find your bread has a rip in the bag, and half of your bread is actually stale!  You’re not going to go back for a loaf of bread, and I think they know that!   So they win!  They sold you garbage!  No wait, maybe you can feed the pigeons or make dressing, since you’ve been taken for a Turkey anyhow…

toasted-bread-crumbs

Confusing Road Signs!

By the time you figure this thing out, you may already have whip-lash!  And some of these things are on turn-pikes, and entrances to highway and such!  You can get killed just making a decision with the likes of some of them!  I found this one, particularly annoying:

confusing_signs1 (1)

Advertisements

9 thoughts on “Rant #162

  1. i need give myself permission to give a truer responce to “how are you question” besides “fine” too. something like, “how are you”? responce: “actually, since you asked, im in a manic bi polar paranoid state right now and i think you are here to deceive me or perform some malicious curse agaisnt me ” thanks for asking. me and my great dane (points at cat) are going for a job wanna come along.?

    • No! I’m afraid you’ll trap me into some scheme of yours, and then I’ll never find my way out! I don’t trust you! (points to cat). I think you want to belittle me and make me feel really tiny! LOL! I feel like supper ;O)

  2. email the company the upc code on the bag of destroyed bread tell them it was ripped when you got home, they will send you a voucher for a free loaf of bread. if theres anything wrong at all with any item you just look up their site find the contact us button have the upc code and explain the damaged item they always send a replacement free voucher. imagine your grocery bill cut in quarter or half by bringing it to the attention of corporations and companys when any thing at all is not perfect about your purchase, they love the feedback they take you seriously and actually help you replace the item free. just by investigating my cupboards and fridge i spent a half hour searching for the sites i needed to contact, sending messsages upc codes for the damaged item, and in 2 weeks we received $65 free any size replacement vouchers, went to zerhs jumbo szie isle and got our free any size vouchers cashed in there $65 dollars worth of food.

    • WOW! That’s quite a lot of crap! Never could figure out what’s so special about Special K after all? They get soggy too fast… There’s nothing special in it at all! They’re just saying that! No wonder people got thin on it. They were starving themselves! Look. If they didn’t get more than they give, why would they give it then? And some stuff is way over packaged still! There’s plenty I could tell them!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s