I know what you’re thinking right off the bat: ‘Why pick on the little guy?’ Well what about us big guys? If furniture looks big to Midgets, it looks dinky to big people! Well isn’t that just the same thing in reverse? But no! They get all the glory, and we get called: big, clumsy, awkward, dumb clucks! I am not a cluck! OK? LOL!
You know? I can’t even say: ‘I wouldn’t trust that guy as far as I could throw him!’, cuz you could probably throw a Midget 50 ft., if you had a mind to! That’s far! Well you know what that means don’t you? I have to trust them! Look at this Pelvis Presley cheap imitation! It’s disgusting!
When someone asks you how you are, what’s with the: ‘I’m fine!’ response? I feel like answering: ‘Well I’m Curly, and this is my friend Moe here. What-a-ya mean you’re fine? Stress invades everyone, disease is rampant and the air is full of it! The world is dying, but you’re fine eh? Even if you looked liked this, I’ll bet The Brooklyn Bridge, you’d still say: ‘I’m fine!’
You know the ones I mean; where you stand there all day, looking like a first-class idiot trying to fiddle and fumble with things encased in plastic, or have those invisible separation seals that well, frankly, a man with my humungous fingers can’t possibly open! Like battery packing and such, it’s just so frustrating to get in! As the image below demonstrates, you’d need a Locksmith to get into these! You wind up beating the pulp out of them instead:
Bread with a Rip in the Bag!
You must’ve done this before. You go shopping, get all the way home, and find your bread has a rip in the bag, and half of your bread is actually stale! You’re not going to go back for a loaf of bread, and I think they know that! So they win! They sold you garbage! No wait, maybe you can feed the pigeons or make dressing, since you’ve been taken for a Turkey anyhow…
Confusing Road Signs!
By the time you figure this thing out, you may already have whip-lash! And some of these things are on turn-pikes, and entrances to highway and such! You can get killed just making a decision with the likes of some of them! I found this one, particularly annoying: