I’ve Never Seen a Woman who was Ever Wrong!

How Do Men and Women Conflict?

Woman-Man-Arguing-500

Yes it’s a black and a white.  Get used to it.  Collectively, we’re all called human beings… As you can see, humans conflict in a number of ways, so it’s not just between men and women.  The real answer is, that it has a lot to do with attitude.  Later in this post, I’ll show you how we can resolve our conflicts and start getting along like two peas in a pod!  First thing’s first.  Lets take a quick peak at just what the issues are…

Everything’s Backwards!

It just doesn’t happen!  They’re perfect.  And we’re slobs!  They’re poop don’t stink.  And we’re told to leave the seat up!  They shop for perfume.  We shop to fix the front door!  They’ve achieved independence. They’re always asking us to help!  We serve them like Workers serve Queens!  Yet, they’re main argument is usually about how very little attention we give them.  I’m with someone.  But at heart?  I’m single!

I go to the store for a bunch of bananas, and am told that I only think of myself.  HOW CAN I ONLY BE THINKING OF MYSELF IF I BROUGHT HOME A BUNCH?  And if I’m busy doing something important to me, like blogging for example, it’s obvious to her that it’s because I like blogging more than I do her.  It’s only obvious to me that I like blogging.  When she had her car accident (That’s a whole other blog in itself!), I took over the gardening.  And even that I explained to her in The Queens own English (Well  Hellooooooooooooh there!), didn’t she think her way was better even that the garden had remarkably improved BEFORE HER VERY EYES!  You can’t even take a woman to court anymore.  They just deny everything…  And so naturally too!  Hmmmm? 

There is good news for men though…

That is, if you will truly and faithfully say and do everything I tell you!  Fair enough, if it means peace within your home?  OK then.  To be fair, let’s start out from the very beginning…  Em..  You signed up for this… Jack!  And understand certain possibilities if things were different between you.  Such as, if you were able to bend, and adjust to her requests of you, you’d be achieving two things.  One, by stepping up to the plate first, you’re showing her who’s the better man.  Yes?  And (be) : If you did that, there are the possibilities of her allowing you a little slack, don’t you think?  You want to be in love don’t you?  Alright then…

Let’s begin right away.  Instead of waiting for her to tell you to take the garbage out, ask her if you may have permission to take the garbage out!  Do everything she normally complains about before she asks, and add in a little communication, like how happy you are to do it!  Then, after proving yourself, and not SHOUTING, swallow you big, fat, pride, and tell her that you’ve realized that she has been right all along!  And then give her a hug and French kiss…  See?  You’re beginning to act like a smooth, Casanova (Casanova?  Isn’t that an exploding house in Spanish?)  Words are weird…

I Like The Results!

In Love

Congratulations!  You have finally found a common meeting ground!  It’s not over yet!  Look where they’re standing in the picture.  There’s danger on either side of that yellow line so this completes step 1.

Step 2:  Staying On The Yellow Line:

These is the hardest part because it requires a sustained adjustment to your attitude toward her…  In other words, keep sucking up!  Take her out more, away from the kids and work and your Mother In-Law.  Speak to her in soft and loving tones!  Buy her stuff until you find yourself on a street-corner begging for coffee money!  Lavish her.

I know this sounds quite sick and disgusting to you right now, but down the road, even more dividends will come your way from her, and you’ll have truly fallen back in love.  Have surprise champagne dinners when she has something to celebrate.  Show her you care in every way possible!  Always lighten up the mood, and make it your responsibility to stop the arguing at any cost!  O’Tay?  Like I said, you did sign up for this…

Step 3:  The Power of Persuasion!

Talk to yourself!  You heard me.  Do it every day whenever you can get the chance…  Just don’t walk by The Nut House while you’re doing it.  Give yourself real reasons why you love her in the first place!  Jot them down and commit them to heart!  Find every and any good reason why she means so much too you!  Act upon your thoughts about what new thing you can both do together.  Pick her some flowers once in a while if you can’t afford them!  Take her to The Beach, if you can’t afford the Waldorf.  Love doesn’t have to be costly, if you will just get moving on these techniques.  Yes?

So why not give it a shot?  You already have the answer ‘No!’  Turn it into a ‘Yes!’  Anyway, I’d be curious to know how you do!  If you manage to patch things up, I’d like to hear from you!  Just briefly; no need to elaborate…  Unless of corpse you want to… Why are you still sitting here?

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