Tennis Vampyra Update

Dominika Cibulkova

About Cibulkova

You know Tennis players; they all have those weird European (Yer-a-peein) names, and they all live in or near Transylvania!  Cibulkova ousted new-comer Canadian, 17 year old, François Abanda in Montreal yesterday, during the early rounds of The Rogers cup, Played in Montreal for the women and in Toronto for the men…  Beautiful!  Isn’t she?

It Was Hilarious

It was especially knee busting in the second set when the young Canadian (Still just a girl really!) whipped Cibulkova’s Butt!  Cibulkova looked over to her coach (Her master, Count Alacard, which we all know, is Dracula spelled backwards!) and shed wipe half her arm across her mouth with her long nfinger nails extended, and her hand slightly limp and shrinking before him, like she might miss a feeding because of this, or something!  And she did it twice, sometimes turning right around and starring into the camera, as if to say: ‘Is this for real?’


Here’s a picture of Cibulkova about to get her beauty sleep before a big match…  They’re all Vampires ya know; Tennis Players; all from that part of the world.  They’re able to come out in the sunshine now due to technological advances involving Coppertone’s high UV protection sun – screen…

Her Coach gives Cibulkova a Pep Talk

This was just after the second Vampire look during the second set.  You can’t hear what he’s saying, yet a think I have a fair idea of what he said: ‘LISTIN YOU MIGRATING PIMPLE!  You get moving out there and beat this kid so we can go home without you looking like a Succubus!  Are you gonna let this toddler bring your rankings down from 12th. best Tennis Player in the world, to Accordion Grinder with a pet chimp?  Else-wise, I’ll remove your suctions  and cap your eye teeth!  NOW GET OUT THERE AND SUCK THE LIFE FROM HER!’  She then won the 3rd. set 6 to 0…

Abanda Proved She’s Got The Stuff


Here is Abanda towering over Cibulkova after her stunning defeat…  Notice how Vampires stick together, even in loss!  Look forward to seeing this fresh, young, Canadian, Vampire (Let’s face it!  Everybody gets bitten in the locker room) up-start, and raise Tennis from The Grave!

Turning On The Pressure

Canada, is at long last bringing some promising young, Vampires to the game!  Milos Roanic, clearly a man without an emotion in his entire body, has obviously been placed in a zombie like state to show other countries that our Vampires don’t fool around with sentimental hog-wash, and go right for the jugular!

Canada is really taking a big bite out of Tennis!  And leave us not forget The most beautiful woman in Tennis: ‘Clitoris Leatchman!’…  Ok sorry…  I meant to say Genie Vampyra Bouchard!  She has developed a horny following, and is liable to get gang banged on a Pinty’s commercial!  Yet Hey!  Man maybe can’t help that, but: ‘ Once bitten, twice shy!’  You know?  OK.  That’s enough sucking up for now…


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