Hello friends… Are you troubled from: ‘Large Eye-brow’ disease, caused by defective polio shots administered during the 1960’s? Well worry no more! You need: Swab-Bleep-Brad-Nubble! Find instant relief as your eye brows just magically drop off, almost instantly! Your eyes will pucker up like a prune. Just think of what your friends will say when they see your brand new bald face: ‘What the %^&& happened to you?’
Side effect can include a small nuclear reaction; in which case, your colon will be consumed by a mushroom cloud! Because of the polarity of the medication, it has been known to attract small asteroids. On rare occasions, when low tide occurs, people have been known to be sucked up to the moon; Caution: Do NOT walk your dog along the beach during low tide… If dizziness occurs, you may collapse into a bubble and pop! As a precaution, we’ve induced a bubble blowing kit, to reanimate you.
With three easy lifetime payments of just $162,ooo.95, you can experience the trip of a short lifetime! Overdoses may include a really cool acid effect, or, we could just sell you some LSD instead. We’re here to help 23 hrs. and 56 minutes a day! Just call: ‘USE: ME-AGAIN’ and ask for Sally, and we’ll send a Pimp to your door right away! So hurry, while enormous supplies last!