Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder!

What every Drunk should know…

The sure fire cure for a Hang over is a cold shower.   It may shrink your jewels, but it wakes you up :O)  Another idea is based upon preparation.  Being a professional guzzler, I should know!  LOL!  Some say that you should have an aspirin with a large glass of water, before you drink, to prevent a hangover from happening at all.  I don’t know what truth there is to the story, I haven’t been sober that long.  <SHABOOM!>  The third alternative is nasty, and involves injecting tomato juice, with tobacco sauce, a raw, slimy, egg, a lot of guts and determination to guzzle it down, lie down, and keep one foot on the floor, so the room can stop spinning…  Every Drunk should know!

 

How to avoid projectile vomit!

Personally, I use a large frying pan!  LOL!  The obvious trick that some professional Drunkards forget (naturally, cuz you’re under the influence of brain cell killing, alcoholic poisoning, laying on a pool table, shouting obscenities…)  Later, you may want to put a gun to your head, and end your misery, yet for now, you think you’re having a good time embarrassing all your friends.  They’ll get you back some drunken stupor later…

Meanwhile, the way to avoid being sick is to put lots of specialized food in your stomach.  One good idea, is to eat a loaf of bread, go to bed, and wake up the next day,  hearing of the horror story monster you had become, and you wonder:  Why won’t my better half speak to me?  And why are all the children huddled in a corner, in the kitchen?

A very important cure all!

It must be made plain to every drunk available to voluntarily submit themselves to a drunk test.  The reward?  Free beer and a lot of giggling at how primitive you’ve become…  Never the less, a Drunk doesn’t care about humiliation, he’s ready to mess himself anyway!  I’m not talking about that.  I’m talking about something that’s even more annoying than a woman; (unless she happens to be a drunk woman).  The ever present and venerable hick-up!  There’s nothing more annoying to a Drunk than trying to speak in code!  

Listen carefully now.  The next time you are enjoying being hammered out of your tree, and hick-ups intervene, take your left thumb, and forefinger, and squeeze the vein that runs between the thumb, and forefinger of the right hand (just above the little, fleshy part), for but two seconds, then let go.  It will cause a glitch that stops the hick-ups immediately!  Next time you are drenched, and are talking like a cloned sheep, try this quick remedy.  It really works!

And that’s another thing!  Don’t all sheep look alike anyway?  I mean, I could just say I cloned a sheep, and people would have to believe me.  Right?  So how do I sound after a few cold ones?  I have only one note:  Buy Depends!  LOL!  My liver’s fine.  It’s my kidneys that are weak…  Thank God for adult diapers :O)

Don’t go out among regular citizens when you drink!  This is a mistake that a lot of brain dead zombies make.  I’m not referring to them though.  I’m referring to you, the intoxicated one.  Listen to reason.  Go to bed, and take no pills…  And if it should happen that you become completely restarted, and over medicate yourself, and happen to live in Canada, dial 310-Hope, and wait for The Police.  LOL !One symptom you might notice, is that I tend to talk a lot!  To Drunks everywhere, I have one word:

Cheers!

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