Coming out of The Closet…
Oh that is on of the worst times! You’re in a tight enclosed space, and suddenly you let go of a: ‘Hi Octane Silencer’ You know the ones I’m taking about; just after a fresh Broccoli sandwich? Suddenly you decide: [I think I’ll come back and do this later! Amazed at the high C note you just hit, and totally disgusted at the God-awful stench, you flee, embarrassed and ashamed, hands quivering, you lite up a cigarette and acknowledge: ‘Got out of that one in the nick of time!’ And the children are all upstairs laughing! We should write a book: ‘The Humiliation and The Stink!’
Look, I get it! Sometimes humiliating when people call you dirty names. That is nothing more than ‘Fart Prejudice! And always remember: ‘You Are The Wind Behind My Wings!’ (Pinkerton and Bowden)… Here we see one line of defense from this deadly toxin! I say, take deep breaths. It will go away faster! LOL!
Of corpse, you might not quite be prepared for the old: ‘Quarterback Sneak ‘ play, as performed here by a well known star! It’s a poufy way to sell shoes if you ask me!
Go ahead and let’r rip!
Yes I admit, some farts are quit powerful! This poor woman was subject to the all powerful: ‘Head On Destroyer’ missile… Look! Are you going to really wanna be that prissy thing in the elevator that goes: <FLIT!> ‘Oh! Excuse me, that was my cell phone!’ Elevators are one of the best places! You have a big group of people who can’t go nowhere! What more perfect circumstance are you looking for? Just let’r rip, and say something funny like: ‘Good Lord! They’ve just dropped The Bomb or something!’ If it’s a beer fart, make sure it’s a real loud French Horn! Draw attention and stand proud!
I know they can be deadly! It’s just a fact of life though; a natural biological function is all… You can’t keep these things bottled up inside you or one day you’ll spontaneously combust! C’mon! Let off a small nuke, and then just say: ‘Relax! It’s only roast beef…’ Enjoy your farts. They’re here for our pleasure, and we’ll all still love you anyway. If you have this terrible illness: ‘Fart Phobia’, see your Doctor immediately!
We have ways of adjusting you! It’s a true fact, if someone pokes you in the stomach at just the right spot, you’ll automatically fart! Break wind with pride and dignity to champion my cause! And if someone calls you: ‘obnoxious’, who knows, maybe like me, you’ll just giggle, and say: ‘Take that!’ Break wind, and we break ground! :O)