How to kill without really trying

Identifying the devastation of verbal abuse

I do apologize for not being here lately, yet when you’re constantly being belittled and abused, physically,mentally, and emotionally, and you have as a sever case of depression as I have, you don’t respond to fisticuffs, threats and guilt trips as well as someone who might actually have some self esteem.  Did I tell you I’m sleeping with the enemy?  So I really had to suffer some more down-grading and belittling smut, and shots to the head, before I could conjure something up worth writing about…

When self esteem is completely gone, we are left open to suggestion in the extreme because we’re desperate for good news, and would accept a pile of steaming, Buffalo poop as a present, if it were offered to us!  Your apatite deserts you as well.  It is at this time that a person can convince you that the only logical choice for you is suicide.  Hence, the perfect murder.  You didn’t know?  It’s available on The Internet every day, if that’s your gig.  So if your self esteem is low, you can fight that by looking at it from the view of an outsider.  See?  Don’t you look ridiculous?  LOL!  Be an observer.  Tell yourself you’re researching antisocial behavioral patterns…  Hey! Now you’re a Psychologist!  Instant self esteem :O)

Other ways to get away with murder

  • Die Laughing: Ever hear of the term: ‘Die laughing?’  That’s because you can!  That’s right, someone can literally joke you to death!  Think of how it would look to The Judge: ‘Well he was telling jokes your Honor!  Aren’t you going to give him The Gas Chamber?  Did I tell you I was a blue baby?’  LOL!  Bulletin:   My other psychopathic self just spilled my milk out, from her over-stuffed fridge (again)…  Oh well…  ‘No sense in crying over spilled milk.’
  • Looking for Mr. Good-bar: Frequent bars as much as you like.  Just don’t bring him/her home with you alone, on your first date!  This is also true with Internet meetings.  Instead, always agree to meet somewhere with a group of your friends.  Tell him/her, that you want them to get to know the people you hang with.  Then leave with your friends.  Always do this for about a month, always observing how they all interact.  If it runs away, you may have just dodged a Serial Killer.
  • Dump the body and the gun (in concrete running shoes), down The Mariana Trench:  It’s 7 miles down to the bottom of The Ocean there!  No body?  No weapon?  No physical evidence?  No crime…  Could you imagine the prosecution speaking to The Judge?  ‘Just look at that face Your Honor!  Wouldn’t you give him Old Sparky?’  If you go out on a boat with someone, let people know where you’re going. 
  • Poisoning: This is usually a womens preference.  Some poisons can disappear after ingested, and are tasteless, orderless and colorless.  If there’s someone you don’t know around you, when you go to the bathroom, take your drink with you… 
  • Exercise:  Fake a fart attack, and get someone with a weak heart to run up a hill for your nitro-pills.  If you’ve got a weak heart don’t run up a hill for someone’s nitro -pills.  Join Direct Cable!  Just dial 911 and smile a lot.  If they start turning purple, unscrew the bulb from a lamp. And with your hand on their bare chest, stick your fingers in the socket.  LOL!  Sounds like I’m trying to kill you doesn’t it?  OK then!  Wipe the slobber out of their mouths and perform artificial resuscitation.
  • Suggestion: I heard of someone who told someone to: ‘DROP DEAD!’, and two weeks later, he did!
  • Voodoo: A fate worse then death, here, a powder is blown in your face that you inhale.  Then they keep you enslaved (in a semi-conscious state) to do their bidding, what-ever that might be, forever!  I have no suggestions for that except, don’t go to Tahiti unless your in tight with The Natives.  I must be getting desperate!  Who here is leaving for Tahiti on the 8 O’clock flight?  (Insert Crickets…)

Take a Self Defense course

I believe The Police offers self defense courses to The Public.  Or if you really want to get into things, try High Karate, the amazing after-shave that gives you special Ninja powers…  Look, it’s your life, and completely up to you what you do with it.  I’m just trying to offer up some practical advice.  Now go happily slaughter one another.  LOL!  Even love can kill, without really trying!

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