Kidney Stones (The Sequel)

Seratery

 

Secrateriette…

So, I went early the next day for my ultrasound, having done what this secretary told me to do; take your meds, eat breakfast and drink four full glasses of water to fill my bladder.  When I got there, I was greeted by five Secretaries, all women that looked like horses with blinders on.  I told you that everything is backwards, yet I have to substantiate that, or back it up with real evidence.  She told me that no, I was supposed to do exactly the opposite, taking no meds, drinking no water and eating no food.

So I asked her where the lady was that gave me the wrong information, and they told me that they didn’t know where she was, that they each represented five different companies.  So I started to get a little peeved because if anything looked like a set up, this did!  I said:’Well it doesn’t say Proctor and Gamble out front.  It says: ‘Clinic’.  This is a clinic isn’t it?’ (Insert Crickets).

So I thought back to when I first called her.  She had asked: ‘Why are you coming in?’  And I said: ‘Because I’m passing a kidney stone’.  Then I looked at the recresission form, and noticed that right below the check box   marked: ‘Abdomen’ was a check box for ‘Kidney and Bladder’.  This is where she made her mistake.  And if you’re passing a stone, I think it’s safe to assume that the stone has already left the kidney.  I had even stuffed toilet paper down my underwear in case I pea myself!  I wanted to give her proper poop, yet coincidentally, she was nowhere to be found.  Well, I wasn’t going to poop on the floor, just give her a good verbal thrashing.  Not Possible!

Starting Over.

So the next day, instead of bloating myself like a balloon, I had to starve myself, and all this flipping about was not good for my Kidney.  It caused me a lot more pain…

Then I notice that there are no magazines for men there.  Not a one!  Just Châtelaine.  And what guy wants to read that?  So this Japanese Picture Taker calls me, and tells me to put on this blue Hospital gown, which I couldn’t figure out because I was just stripping to the waist, and was to be in a closed room with another man.  Dah!  Next, the guy says: ‘Bring your Walleye with you.’  I said: ‘Huh?  Pardon?’  ‘Bring your walleye with you!’  At first I thought [This sounds fishy].  Then I realized he meant ‘Wallet’.  I don’t know what money looks like, so I don’t carry a wallet, or a Walleye…

The Exam…

So after putting the unnecessary gown on so I can be properly identified as but one more slab of meat,  I was asked to take deep breaths and hold them ‘til I turned purple, while he jabbed his flash-light around my gut for half an hour!  And I mean he was pushing really hard; great idea for a kidney stone!  So now, with a severe stomach ache, I asked him if he saw the stone.  And he said:  ‘You go to Doctor for result, I just take picture!’  Great!  Another horse with blinders!  So now I have to wait to hear if I’m going to live or die, when my Doctor feels like calling me.  And he likes to suck in patients like a vacuum cleaner, so that could be a long wait,,,

No Work Ethic!

See, for one thing, Doctors don’t want you to get well.  They want you to stay sick so they can keep collecting money from you.  That’s right, they’re not there to take pride in their jobs anymore; just to collect their money and follow Government standards.  Say there’s a Plumber.  Do you think they get up at 5 am. every morning because they like to come down and sniff your poo, or because they want to be the best Plumber on the block?  No.  It’s for the $73000 they get per annum!

Are Secretaries interested in doing their jobs properly?  They don’t think.  They’re not paid enough to think!  You see?  Everything is entirely opposite of what it seems to be.  If you still don’t believe my theory, my next article will make you question everything you see! 

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5 thoughts on “Kidney Stones (The Sequel)

  1. $73.000? I’m rethinking carers now!
    I agree with your theory, especially about doctors and secretaries:But in the case of secretaries, I think they pretend not to think,lol
    Another day? now that was bad! Too much water one day, and next day, no water at all. Then all the horses with blinders on, I’m shocked you didn’t up and began quoting Shakespeare,lol.

    Seriously not a laughing matter, but I believe you are taking this in stride. Hoping to hear great news on the next feed here. Still praying 🙂

    • I’ll tell ya Dotta… I’ve passed about 6 stones, and there was only one I couldn’t pass. Judging by the amount of pain on this one, I;m having great hopes of passing it! It’s just a matter of time. Sometimes, if it’s really stubborn, prolonged activity can force the issue. Tons of water helps…

      So you want to be a Plumber eh? LOL! Could you seal the leak in my head please :O) It’s a pleasure to hear from you!

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