Dear friendly WordPress People

What the !$#%!! is wrong with your Reader?  Others besides myself have been complaining of slow feeds, ever since you introduced that dialog box that asks you if you want to view the original article.  Of corpse I wanna look at the original article, that’s why I clicked the original link..  I sometimes sit here for 10 to 15 minutes, waiting for the original page to open so I can leave an original comment, which doesn’t work, in this new, original dialog box.  Harsh Reality (Opinionated Man), is one of my favorite sites, so well I keep him twirling, I check The Reader for another site, only to find but another twirler…  I HATE WAITING for anything, or I fear I’ll disappear!

I’m not trying to put you down or anything, WordPress people.  (This is called a dodge ball; you hypnotize people into thinking the last paragraph was ok.)  I’m just saying this reflects on your reputation as one, if not ‘The top blogging company on The Net!  I’m saying, it could actually cause some bloggers to leave!  I’ll wait here while you go vomit…  I’m sorry the problem exists.  If perhaps this can be investigated ahead of: ‘The effect of gamma rays on tinned peas.’  I’d be so deeply appreciative, I’ll take a bath!

And another thing!

Just who do I think I am, complaining about something else?  Actually and forth-with,, for this problem, I have a solution.  I know that ‘Freshly Pressed’ blogs are truly awe inspiring most all of the time…  And that’s the problem you see…  Us crumby bloggers have less of a chance to be seen if ‘The Shinning’ among us always have the floor!  Can’t they be featured thrice a week or something?

My idea is, why not make a feature magazine out of it, ‘Freshly Pressed’, charge people real yen,  to visit the site, and let us nobodies have a chance for a change?  With the yen, you’d get, you’d be able to fix the first problem, (Please refer to paragraph one.) and have enough left over for a large pepperoni pizza, with extra cholesterol, and hold the pig bacon!  No anchovies! Drool, drool! 

I know you’re going to hate me for this, but quite frankly, my monitor is beginning to smell.!  These advertisements from Hackers, or people at The Mal-ware store, invade my settings pages!.  Since there’s no way for me to install a plug-in for this, I thought you might graciously, automatically get rid of them for me.  I can see now, that WordPress doesn’t like me as much as I like myself I guess…  ‘Oh mother, dust in the wind, save me from becoming a greedy Miser!  All I want is $50, in small change by Thursday, or else I’ll polish some furniture!  How do you like that?  HUH?  EH? 

I have an idea though…

If you do all that I ask, I give you my word (as both a liar and a thief!), I will do my best, when it’s most convenient for me, to clean up my act as a second class Idiot, and shoot for the top!  Else-wise, I threaten to pull a wing off an unsuspecting moth, so it always has to fly around in a circle!  Until it dies of dizziness, it will only see things change, in a series of glimpses over time!   You wouldn’t like that would you? Else-wise, I’m planning, as a last resort, to hold myself hostage!  If you continue to ignore me, I’ll clip my nails, and do other, horrible, hygienic things!  Please don’t drive me to brush my teeth!  I’m warning you, I’ll start taking care of myself!

If you don’t mind?

I’d like to see The Daily Post again daily.  I think it’s an excellent help to bloggers who can’t come up with anything interesting to think about.  What-ever happened to that, WordPress people?  Am I being presumptuous to request a return to blogs with good topics, all because of The Daily Post?

Look…  Let me just come out with it up front…  WordPress, you’re cramping my style…. You wouldn’t mind stepping aside once in a while, so I can post a blog impotent to the little people, wood U?  Thank you for your consideration of me, personally!  If there’s any other way I can advise you, I mean, you never visit me, so I thought I’d say : ‘Hi!’  And I’d like a Lear Jet to be ready for me at The Airport, cuz I’d really like to go to The Bahamas…  Also, don’t try anything funny, or I warn you, I mean it,  I’ll clean myself!

Hippo Charge


7 thoughts on “Dear friendly WordPress People

  1. It wasn’t exactly a belly laugh, but it was a good laugh nonetheless, and I’m very much on board about this strange “do you want to see the full article” stuff. Yes. I do. I thought clicking on it made that perfectly clear. What was so confusing about it? Why am I not reading it right now? Please please please count any such click as my consent for the full article to appear in my window (your did by the way) and also – I would appreciate it if I could do this for all blogs. There are some that don’t even offer a comment box unless you click on the article, then click on the original article, then click on the comment section of the original article. It really shouldn’t be that much work to add one’s comment to a piece.
    Incidentally, if this is a personal choice by bloggers out there, then be-warned: I have discovered that the absence of a comment box on your reader article tends to mean that I visit your blog less, ‘like’ your pieces less and comment even less. So … probably best if you change your settings. Unless you don’t like feedback, in which case – I won’t mind, but probably won’t comment either.
    Rant added. Time to be off a-hunting another article.

    • Thank you for adding your two cents here Vic! Your comment helps to up-grade the article; only adding further conviction, that unless WordPress gets on this mess, like pronto, certain sites will indeed be avoided, and, well, is that really fair?

      • It was more of an undercurrent feeling for me, but reading your article crystallised it, and made me realise that there were certain sites – that when I visit I actually like – but visit rarely for the reason your underlined. 🙂

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