Oh, I know the difference between illusion and reality, and I’m telling you, FROGGY IS REAL! We met one day (about 20 years ago), just by chance really. I was rummaging around in a discount store, and there he was, looking right at me, as you see in this picture here… It looked like someone had abandoned him. So I took a quick look around, no one was there. So I picked up Froggy and that was it! I had to have him! Bought from slavery for $1.27, I nurtured and groomed him into the frog he is today! We share our “Pad”, and though he’s found no singing job yet, he’s really no trouble, so I let him stay for FREE!
He was so soft and friendly… You know. your touchy feelie kind of frog. Always polite, and only speaks when he’s spoken to; he doesn’t complain all day about me like that women’s group born in the 60’s: “Women’s Lip.” Froggy is not like that. He never gives me orders! He doesn’t ever yell at me! Nor does he ever slap my face, or threaten or ignore me. And I only have to see him when I want to! What better companion could I possibly ask for?
There was the time some prankster put real Doo-doo in Froggy’s under garment! So I Emmm… I had to punish him severely, for not sticking up for himself and allowing himself to be disgraced this way! So I had to rivet him to the floor (“Rivet, rivet!”), and yes, it was a possible assault charge, but this time, Oooo! I was so angry, I momentarily lost my composure. Lucky for Froggy, he had yet to croak! I guess he will never really grow up, but who ever does?
No. Usually, when Froggy commits an infarction, or plays cardiac arrest, I give him a time out, by telling him not to move from this chair until I tell him to; I shouldn’t be telling you this, but sometimes I leave him there for weeks at a time! Gosh I hope The Police don’t get wind of this…. Anyway, I know this hurts Froggy, but now, he will never break wind when I come to pick him up again! I will not tolerate disgusting displays from inanimate objects! One time, I made three sausages stand in the corner for spitting at me! Usually we go everywhere together, Froggy and Me; shopping, a fun trip to the bank, and the occasional outing to the park. Yes I love our times together. Just: Froggy and Me… Forever friends…