A Symptom of Pure Stupidity
LOL! OK, I forgot what I was going to say… Oh yeah! I sat transfixed at the sarcastic grin on the freckle-faced, red-haired, boy in front of me. I continued to watch as he’d snatch a chip off of another boys plate beside him! I began to feel the animosity build in me, like some untapped source of energy, compelling me to be ever less likely to stay in my chair; I just wanted to smear my peanut-butter sandwich in his face; and if I did, I probably would have accomplished no more than feeding him a nutritious lunch. See, that’s the way I am. It seemed to be as though God had placed me here as some kind of test subject or something.
I was being set up
For me, I could only end up within a nightmare from which there was very little likely hood of returning to normalcy at all! See, my Mom, God bless her dead corpse, was German. So when she sent me to school, she dressed me as a little German boy, in buckled shoes, long socks, a crew cut, and shorts with suspenders! I wore stupid, pink framed glasses that Welfare could afford. And I looked worse than a Geek! I looked completely foreign but spoke perfect English; and I was going to a very tough school full of gangs, thugs, cut-throats, ruffians, and a strange girl with a pet turtle! So naturally, I stood out like a sore thumb. Other kids would laugh at me, and ask if I could yodel. Things were definitely out of hand!
I fashioned a scheme
It naturally was a situation I could not allow to continue. So one day, I sat down with a pencil and piece of paper, stared at it blankly for 15 minutes and felt like a big dummy; so I stared off into space, as if to transport myself far beyond many stars, and bumped into many telephone poles on the way. Then suddenly, like a flash from Zeus himself, an idea came to me! I would ask my Mum for an all white gym outfit and Oooo! Now I looked like a Tennis player. There was only one thing wrong with my scathingly brilliant idea: Winter! Game called on account of weather. It wasn’t long before it got so cold, I began to resemble a plucked chicken more than anything else!
A Humble Nerd to the Bitter End
And my Mummy! Well… “AND WHAT’S THE MATTER WITH LADENHOZENS?” she’d quip. “They make me look like a ballerina dancer!” I’d retort… “Nonsense” she’d say, as she zipped up my space suit for school, with the square hood. So naturally, three girls followed me to school enquiring: “Why who’s the alien in leotards?” Then they all started shouting in unison: “SQUARE HEAD, NO BRAIN! SQUARE HEAD NO BRAIN!” <sniff, GAG=”” SPUTTER,=””> I must blow my nose! <snark!!!> And there you have it my friends; a shattered bag of glass at age ten (10)…
Feel guilty? Me? I thought that was my role in life was to be Cluck Kent by day if necessary and local crime spotter by night… I would phone The Police on Jay-Walkers, and blow my whistle when people crossed the road on a red light. Nobody ever came though. It was 3 O’clock in the morning! Please don’t reveal my childhood identity to the general public: “Nerd Boy!” I’d show you absolute proof, but my leotards just happen to be at the cleaners right now.
I’m tired… One last question. If we’re all born equal, equal to what? Night all… Hope I don’t wake up with QWERTY on my forehead!