We’re a strange animal

Unraveling a Paradox

I’m sure you’ve heard the one: “Men are a lot like floors; if you lay them just right, you can walk all over them for 30 years!”  Well I don’t find that very funny!  It’s a Feminist joke and I resemble that remark!  LOL!  I may not like it, but it is true we (most of us) find it hard to break from relationships with others; we become so attached to them, like some kind of crazy glue hold they have on you.  It leads me to believe than many men are unhappy in general, with their raving lunatic counter-parts. 

People no longer marry, more people are turning gay (or coming out of the closet), and living longer.  I foresee a future void of children and a little heavy on the senior citizen scale.  Yet, I can also see that older people will be made young again and may begin baring children again.  Just think.  The over 60 crowd would have to start wearing protection again.  Weird; a Horney 90-year-old man ordering condoms.  It does sound a little off the wall, yet soon to be a fact of life…  Living longer could be a bad thing if you’re always unhappy though.  Then again, I’m fortified with happy pills so life for me right now, is a series of checks and balances…  Or just maybe, I’m partly fact, and partly vision; a walking split decision.  LOL!

Age can mean confusion

My other half would lose her head if it wasn’t attached.  She looses everything, and I do mean everything; she spends 60 percent of her time looking for things.  I’d say I’m not confused, but what am I doing living with a confused person then?  It’s because I’m a Klingon!  Though my head is a bit of a cake mix, I at least know where everything is.  What she needs is little dingers and ringers she can attach to everything, go to a central list and choose what she needs to give off a ding-dong so she can find it.  I get so anxious watching her wandering the house, trying to find the kitchen.

Just today she tried to pick a fight by saying that she loves me more than I love her!  So I said: “If you don’t believe I love you more, THAT’S IT!  I’M LEAVING!  I’ll probably be back this evening because I’m afraid of the dark!  OK?”  I turn it into a good thing though.  Because she makes me nervous, lol, I go out on my runs more often to relieve the tension. 

She always forgets to shut the front door and lets all the flies in.  I don’t need a fly swatter to kill them; my reflexes are fast enough…  You just have to sneak up on them, that’s all; get your hand (slowly) to within a foot above them, and BANG; crushed fly meat.  It’s just that now I have to wash my hands all day.  I hate germs so that’s OK too I guess…  God!  PLEASE!  Make me unreasonable?

It gets worse

My best friend: “Bone-Head”, got mad at me cuz I brought beer to his parents house.  He invited me and I was passing a beer store.  So the Devil on my left shoulder asked:  “Are you thirsty?”  I mean Bone-Head’s 45 years old.  I thought his parents would let him drink at home by now…  So I felt like a Shmuck of corpse, and cleverly suggested, “Well let’s drink it somewhere else.”  We couldn’t go back to my place or we’d get all confused looking for things that don’t belong to us…  So he said we’ll go see his friend Tony. 

There, we wound up putting up drywall al day for FREE, cuz he’s a friend.  And there goes the beer, cuz it’s customary to leave what you don’t drink behind, even though he’s already loaded and has his own…  I know…  Stupid tradition…  He I am helping a young couple build their home and I’m as poor as a church mouse!  In fact, I think the church mouse would kick me out for looking nervous!  So then what does Bone-Head do?  He just takes off from me without saying Good-Bye, Go away, nothing…  So I yelled after him:  “THANKS FOR A GREAT DAY!”  (INSERT SARCASM here ______).

Revenge is a dish best served up cold

It is very cold in space…  So I left him to his own space.  We were supposed to have Band Practice the very next day; well not really, just cuz Bone-Head brought his new guitar.  So I didn’t show up and ignored their 27 phone calls.  There’s a simplified version of this phenomenon.  It’s called : “a mad on”.  Why are they in a war for possession of me in the first place?  I have a good mind to just leave everyone, and wander the streets asking people for spare change, so I can buy a squeegee and a rag…  Maybe I should fly to the coast and look for Elvis?  Where’s an Ostrich when you need one :O(



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s