Vegetable Wars

The First Symptoms

I don’t know where to begin really.  Sometimes it just seems so unreal to me; like it couldn’t have happened, yet it did.  About four years ago to this very day, I walked into my grocery store expecting to see a normal looking produce section.  Instead I saw a large piece of broccoli clinging to the back of a woman’s heavy-knit sweater…  So I yelled out to her:  “HEY MAM!  YOU HAVE A HUGE HUNK OF BROCCOLI HANGING OFF THE BACK OF YOUR SWEATER!”  She just kept right on walking; as if it were perfectly normal to walk around that way.  Very peculiar…  From that day on, I began to see roughage in the store in a different way I couldn’t seem to shake…

Funny Vegetables_4    See, the vegetables were banding together and acting strangely, with people walking by, not noticing the vegetable conspiracy unfolding before their very eyes!  I’d stop people and say: “Just look at these two!  You don’t notice something odd going on?

I tried to pretend sometimes like nothing was going on, but look at the shot below…

The disease progresses

Funny Vegetables_2

There’s a tomato with glasses on, talking to some cauliflower sheep…  Perfectly normal.  Yet I would go home and dream of these different vegetables, and my delusions began to get worse!

face maded with vegetablesI’d leave some food on my plate, and when I came back, this is what I saw!  Why were they doing this to only me?  And I couldn’t escape it, because everyday they would arrange differently, to try and fool me, but I’m on to them!

I called The society of fruit and vegetable investigators (SFVI).  And I’m not sure they fully understood my concerns; my special gift for seeing deeply into the produce kingdom…  How would you like to eat a broccoli Poodle?

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Green onions couldn’t fool me!

Funny Vegetables_6I’m beyond hope they say.  Yet I know the real truth, and someday they’ll take over! Imagine being wrestled to the ground by an irate cucumber!

Peas come from pods.  And we all know pods come from space…  It was in that movie: “Invasion of The Body Snatchers”.  Oooo!  Scary

How would you like to come home to this for desert?  Lock all your widows and doors and especially stay away from fruits; carrots are sweet.  They’re a fruit, masquerading as a vegetable!  We’ve got to stop them and stop them now before they attack me only again…  Be on guard for suspicious looking fruits and vegetables!

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Write to your Government Official and put an end to this madness now!  And tomatoes!  Oooo!  They’re a fruit masquerading as a vegetable.  You can’t trust them I tell ya!

Get out and garden now while you can.  Grow it yourself!  Then you can trust it…

Don’t you see?  Corn has already invaded everyone!

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