Sometimes, I don’t even put a title in until I’m sure what I’m writing about; kind of backwards. You know? I was born backwards. Everything I do always turns out backwards. When I feel like this, I just want to put my pink Pimp suit on, go downtown, and toss a quarter right there on the sidewalk in front of me! Like I didn’t even care! you know? Maybe spread some pollen around!
I seriously believe we (all of us) are incapable of correctly judging others. I’m reminded of an old Indian proverb: “If I walk a mile in your moccasins, we both will have stinky feet!” I am truly sorry things have turned out the way they are at home here… Life’s seldom what I expect it to be. Perhaps that’s how it’s supposed to unfold. If it were routine, it would be boring. It kind of makes me feel like agent 007 actually.
I feel very sad to know I’m hurting her. I can’t hide my feelings very well. And if someone eats through my armor long enough, it becomes very easy to tell I’m not really very fond of them anymore; I grow silent, I mope around the house. LOL! I’m a very convincing moper… I distance myself, sigh and shake my head a lot… Well that’s how I become when I’m hurt. It’s as though she wants me to go. Every time she asks me about it, I feel more like leaving. And she asks me every 15 minutes.
And I can’t just walk out on someone. I think that’s the sneaky, cowards way out. Yet it seems to make more sense if she’s this unstable. She’s liable then, to smash all my stuff; including this computer I’m making payments for. I told her today, that if she’d just leave me alone long enough to think, I could give her a more definitive answer. i.e. What I can do for her to make the transition easier, instead of just thinking of myself. She’s overly sensitive right now, so I don’t think it’s a good time to discuss it. I wish my Mummy were here. She’d know what to do! I think I’d better just sneak away…. Below, is a picture of my Mummy :O/