Of Human Bandage

Sometimes, I don’t even put a title in until I’m sure what I’m writing about; kind of backwards.  You know?  I was born backwards.  Everything I do always turns out backwards.  When I feel like this, I just want to put my pink Pimp suit on, go downtown, and toss a quarter right there on the sidewalk in front of me!  Like I didn’t even care!  you know?  Maybe spread some pollen around!  

I seriously believe we (all of us) are incapable of correctly judging others.  I’m reminded of an old Indian proverb:  “If I walk a mile in your moccasins, we both will have stinky feet!”  I am truly sorry things have turned out the way they are at home here…  Life’s seldom what I expect it to be.  Perhaps that’s how it’s supposed to unfold.  If it were routine, it would be boring. It kind of makes me feel like agent 007 actually.

I feel very sad to know I’m hurting her.  I can’t hide my feelings very well.  And if someone eats through my armor long enough, it becomes very easy to tell I’m not really very fond of them anymore; I grow silent, I mope around the house.  LOL!  I’m a very convincing moper… I distance myself, sigh and shake my head a lot…  Well that’s how I become when I’m hurt.  It’s as though she wants me to go.  Every time she asks me about it, I feel more like leaving.  And she asks me every 15 minutes.

And I can’t just walk out on someone.  I think that’s the sneaky, cowards way out.  Yet it seems to make more sense if she’s this unstable.  She’s liable then, to smash all my stuff; including this computer I’m making payments for.  I told her today, that if she’d just leave me alone long enough to think, I could give her a more definitive answer. i.e. What I can do for her to make the transition easier, instead of just thinking of myself.  She’s overly sensitive right now, so I don’t think it’s a good time to discuss it.  I wish my Mummy were here.  She’d know what to do!  I think I’d better just sneak away….  Below, is a picture of my Mummy  :O/

My Mummy

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One thought on “Of Human Bandage

  1. Mummy enjoys the silence too I see….me too, at home I am pretty independent but still get nothing done…..a long and different story my friend….good luck with your situation, it’s hard when someone is that insecure to bug you so much…to makes them feel less helpless I’d think….but does not help the situation at all….

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