First off, I thought buying a computer on time would teach me to keep my computer clean! Not that I’m in the habit of slobbering all over the thing either! Anyway, It did that alright. I buff it up with candle wax whenever I get the chance… Windows 8 is “Fun!”, just like they say on the commercials. Let’s face it, it’s also stressful. Having a learning curve at my age is like asking a chicken to juggle six bowling pins at a time. I’m gonna get bopped on the head at some point or other.
They made me an Administrator. I didn’t ask for the job! And the thing talks back to me now! I made the mistake of enabling “Narrator!” “ PRESSINGBUTTONS WIN+D…” JUST A SEC. I GOTTA TURN IT DOWN A LITTLE! Awe that’s better, yet so mechanical sounding! Narrator: “Entering Desktop. Looking for icon… Looking for icon… Pressing icon button PaintShop Pro.” And Microsoft called. They said I should turn myself in or destroy it. DESTROY IT BEFORE IT DESTROYS ME! And Daily Lit talks to me! Daily Science too… Even WordPress asked me if I was really me! Computers aren’t stupid ya know! I think they’re up to the brain of a Lizard, so I hear… And the silly thing is making a right fool out of me…
Well let me tell you what I gone and done! DOIYYYY… I put my picture card from my camera into the card reader backwards… Now it’s jammed in there and won’t come out! Even offering it a tuna salad sandwich on rye proved to be of no avail! What the Heck (Hell), I figured I had a 50% chance of being right. I gambled and lost Now there’s a big whole in the front of my tower, I gotta buy a new card, and my computer just laughs at me when I try to use a USB port.
So to avoid beating the living daylights (living daylights?) out of my computer, I went into my kitchen and kicked the cheeses out of my fridge! Night after sleepless night I paced the floor wondering: “What the Heck (Hell) is an Administrator anyway? I know I must administer something? I used to be a Minister… So I prayed: “Dear Father, Howard in Heaven, shallow be my name! Why hast thou forsaken me with this pile of mechanized junk? Why can’t it be like I am, perfect in every way? Can I have a Pizza? Amen!”
What is it trying to do? What does it think? I am? Oh God (Gosh), I think my computer is gaining control over me! I want to leave, but there’s so much to do! I must go inside a window, what’s inside a window, etc., etc., etc.. Is there life after Microsoft? The way things are going for sure, no one can say for sure. I’m getting a whiff of something, though I’m not sure it’s from a trusted site… Well, I will leave you now, to your own devices… HAVE A NICE DAY!!! I MUST GET BACK TO THE BAT CAVE! THE QUEEN IS CALLING ME!