PC Madness

First off, I thought buying a computer on time would teach me to keep my computer clean!  Not that I’m in the habit of slobbering all over the thing either!  Anyway, It did that alright.  I buff it up with candle wax whenever I get the chance…  Windows 8 is “Fun!”, just like they say on the commercials.  Let’s face it, it’s also stressful.  Having a learning curve at my age is like asking a chicken to juggle six bowling pins at a time.  I’m gonna get bopped on the head at some point or other.

  They made me an Administrator.  I didn’t ask for the job!  And the thing talks back to me now!  I made the mistake of enabling “Narrator!”  “ PRESSINGBUTTONS WIN+D…”  JUST A SEC.  I GOTTA TURN IT DOWN A LITTLE!  Awe that’s better, yet so mechanical sounding!  Narrator: “Entering Desktop.  Looking for icon…  Looking for icon… Pressing icon button PaintShop Pro.”  And Microsoft called.  They said I should turn myself in or destroy it.  DESTROY IT BEFORE IT DESTROYS ME!  And Daily Lit talks to me!  Daily Science too…  Even WordPress asked me if I was really me!  Computers aren’t stupid ya know!  I think they’re up to the brain of a Lizard, so I hear…  And the silly thing is making a right fool out of me…

Well let me tell you what I gone and done!  DOIYYYY… I put my picture card from my camera into the card reader backwards…  Now it’s jammed in there and won’t come out!  Even offering it a tuna salad sandwich on rye proved to be of no avail!  What the Heck (Hell), I figured I had a 50% chance of being right.  I gambled and lost Surprised smile  Now there’s a big whole in the front of my tower, I gotta buy a new card, and my computer just laughs at me when I try to use a USB port.

So to avoid beating the living daylights (living daylights?) out of my computer, I went into my kitchen and kicked the cheeses out of my fridge!  Night after sleepless night I paced the floor wondering: “What the Heck (Hell) is an Administrator anyway?  I know I must administer something?  I used to be a Minister…  So I prayed:  “Dear Father, Howard in Heaven, shallow be my name!  Why hast thou forsaken me with this pile of mechanized junk?  Why can’t it be like I am, perfect in every way?  Can I have a Pizza?  Amen!”

What is it trying to do?  What does it think?  I am?  Oh God (Gosh), I think my computer is gaining control over me!  I want to leave, but there’s so much to do!  I must go inside a window, what’s inside a window, etc., etc., etc..  Is there life after Microsoft?  The way things are going for sure, no one can say for sure.  I’m getting a whiff of something, though I’m not sure it’s from a trusted site…  Well, I will leave you now, to your own devices…  HAVE A NICE DAY!!!  I MUST GET BACK TO THE BAT CAVE!  THE QUEEN IS CALLING ME!



2 thoughts on “PC Madness

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