How to make your plants talk back…

New ways of thinking

It’s funny when you go surfing The Internet sometimes, in search of ideas for blogging, and end up at some entirely different place.  I think you might like this site though!  The video is 22 minutes long.  It’s an eye opener, and I promise you, at some point during the video, they actually do mention how certain plants talk back to us.  LOL!

I must keep moving on

Senseless eyes in retrospect;

have not contained our pain just yet.

You know how huge egos can get;

I must keep moving on!


Children living without a place;

Minds that loose themselves in Space.

A world of confusion that can’t keep pace;

I must keep moving on!


Screams ring out in desperate plea;

In place where once lived harmony.

Shattered dreams cry out to me;

I must keep moving on!


Chocking gas instead of air;

The Seas alas, will not be there.

Just whose food is it I prepare?

I must keep moving on!


I love you dearly, yet not in pain;

I’m sure in time, we’ll meet again.

My heart beats this out so plain; 

I must keep moving on!

What’s Happening?

About The Band

  • Two Dogs :  He likes to show off that he has the highest voice by singing a whole octave higher than me, and ruining the song!  We’ve known each other since we were seven years old.   He seeks to prove he’s better than I am at everything, so I’m sorry to say, he’s a bit like Hitler!   Two Dogs, is a fully blooded part Cherokee and part Mohawk Canadian Native, and he’s really into the fire-water!
  • Antoninus :  He does all the heavy rock stuff, and my choice for snapping Two Dog’s vocal chords!  He’s been a good friend for over 20 years now, who mooches everything off me, and then pays me back.  LOL!  He’s a construction worker without a vehicle so he always loses the job for lack of proper transportation; I think that’s part of his Insanity.  He’s also a gambler with a system, who tells me he’s gonna pull up in a Limo some day, and we’ll all go off to some exotic land : ‘Dreamer!  Nothing but a Dreamer!  Can you put you hands in your head?  Oh no!’ (Supertramp.)  Antoninus is from Croatia.  Quiet disposition, and a true sneak if ever I’ve seen one!
  • Markus :  He’s our Drummer.  Excellent timing!  Only one problem; He’s a Paranoid Schizophrenic, so what if he get’s scared and runs off stage?  He says we play far too many Beatle songs and I agree.  Besides, it’s one more way to get back at Two Dogs.  He’s terrified to face an audience, so I told him to wear sun-glasses and that seems to have worked.  You’re never just sure when you’re dealing with a fellow acorn.  Mark is part Portuguese and part Trinidadian.
  • Spartacus :  That’s me.  Two Dogs has more range than I do, yet we harmonize well together, and I have all the experience, where-as he sounds more monotone.  I’m trying to bring order to this chaos, though they all still insist on drinking.  I point out to them that they won’t make a very good impression on stage that way, though I talk to the wind…  I’m German American.  So as you can see, we’re kind of a world-wide conglomerate, or some other freakish thing!




Break wind!

Coming out of The Closet…


Oh that is on of the worst times!  You’re in a tight enclosed space, and suddenly you let go of a: ‘Hi Octane Silencer’  You know the ones I’m taking about; just after a fresh Broccoli sandwich?  Suddenly you decide: [I think I’ll come back and do this later!  Amazed at the high C note you just hit, and totally disgusted at the God-awful stench, you flee, embarrassed and ashamed, hands quivering, you lite up a cigarette and acknowledge: ‘Got out of that one in the nick of time!’  And the children are all upstairs laughing!  We should write a book: ‘The Humiliation and The Stink!’


Look, I get it!  Sometimes humiliating when people call you dirty names.  That is nothing more than ‘Fart Prejudice!  And always remember: ‘You Are The Wind Behind My Wings!’ (Pinkerton and Bowden)…  Here we see one line of defense from this deadly toxin!  I say, take deep breaths.  It will go away faster!  LOL!


Of corpse, you might not quite be prepared for the old: ‘Quarterback Sneak ‘ play, as performed here by a well known star!  It’s a poufy way to sell shoes if you ask me!

Go ahead and let’r rip! 

Emma Stone

Yes I admit, some farts are quit powerful!  This poor woman was subject to the all powerful: ‘Head On Destroyer’ missile…  Look!  Are you going to really wanna be that prissy thing in the elevator that goes: <FLIT!> ‘Oh! Excuse me, that was my cell phone!’  Elevators are one of the best places!  You have a big group of people who can’t go nowhere!  What more perfect circumstance are you looking for?  Just let’r rip, and say something funny like: ‘Good Lord!  They’ve just dropped The Bomb or something!’  If it’s a beer fart, make sure it’s a real loud French Horn!  Draw attention and stand proud!


I know they can be deadly!  It’s just a fact of life though; a natural biological function is all…  You can’t keep these things bottled up inside you or one day you’ll spontaneously combust!  C’mon!  Let off a small nuke, and then just say: ‘Relax!  It’s only roast beef…’  Enjoy your farts.  They’re here for our pleasure, and we’ll all still love you anyway.  If you have this terrible illness: ‘Fart Phobia’, see your Doctor  immediately! 

We have ways of adjusting you!  It’s a true fact, if someone pokes you in the stomach at just the right spot, you’ll automatically fart!  Break wind with pride and dignity to champion my cause!  And if someone calls you: ‘obnoxious’, who knows, maybe like me, you’ll just giggle, and say: ‘Take that!’  Break wind, and we break ground! :O)

How to age ungracefully


I thought that you might appreciate this one in particular  ‘That’s it Grandma!  Show’m the real cure for cancer is by smoking!.


Just because you’re getting older, that doesn’t mean you have to stop clowning around…


When you don’t have a bottle opener and are thirsting for a cold one, try our handy combination choppers and bottle opener for just $19.95!


See, the trouble is, he was so anxious to here the latest Stones album, that he forgot to get dressed…  So in a very real way, we really do revert back to children younger than 2 apparently :O(


Sometimes, as we age, we develop strange, new eating habits…


We can sometimes remain sexually active; though we usually fall asleep, and miss our entire cinematography!  Was it real?  Or was it Memorex?


One thing’s for sure.  We’re not going down without a fight!

Signs and Visions

Why does God answer some Prayers and not others?

To answer this question, I can only speak from my own experience.  If you live a life without problems to solve, there’s very little reason you might want to speak with God in the first place.  Those who’s prayers are obligatory, are pretty much shut off spiritually.  Emotion must be a factor, especially considering the predominantly, evil world in which we all reside today!  So unless you’re at least a tad panic stricken, you’re pretty much at the end of the line as far as God’s concerns for you right now, because you are as yet void of compassion, and therefore not ready to listen.  Pray for others first before yourself, ask God for direction, strength, love and wisdom.  And tell Him how neato-beato you think He is, and don’t forget to say: ‘Awe Man!’ at the end :O)

Who does God usually favor then?

The innocent:  Those who are always taken by others.  For some reason, these type seem to forgive very readily, and can therefore tolerate much from others, and are so able to cut through the crap to see a persons center, and gravitate to it!  Some people feel they need protection, so they are usually surrounded by The Righteous, and tend to make friends easily.  That’s why they are persecuted by Intellectuals, and so favored by God as one of His Warriors.  That’s right.  Those with a ‘tendency’ toward innocence can’t see danger as often as most, and therefore go where Angels fear to tread.

The Righteous:  They are bold, clever as foxes, even manipulative, yet always for a respectful outcome.  They come to God later in life because they require proof for everything!  They gradually come to God because of their love for the great assistance The Bible brings to humanity, and it’s apparently mysterious, intrinsic, miraculous, natural healing effect on those who would consistently read it; hence the explanation for why God paid people the same amount as the other workers, even though they arrived later in the day, concerning the parable about The Farmers Field.  

Why would God insist we read the same book over and over again?  For the same reason you eat a steak over and over again.  You forget what it tastes like, and crave a refreshers course.  And you must drool until you get one!  These are one of Gods most prized Warriors because of their tricky and cunning attributes!

The down trodden:  Although these ones arrive at The Field late (very late in the day, God favored them most!  Why?  It’s because they are the ones who feel the need for help the most.  Therefore, they’re loyalty to God will never waver.  Not to forget that Christ chose to hang with these very people;  Mary Magdalene was a prostitute.  Mathew was a Tax Collector.  Yes, Tax Collectors were  regularly persecuted as well back then.  I think of God.  In fact, I think they still do now.  LOL!  

Also, God put us hear (Hell on Earth) to suffer, and these are the only group receiving Gods medicine or cure for rebellion.  Once they’re with God, they’re with God with the strongest love, and fear of Him.  These are the ones budded during ‘The Sermon on The Mound’ to be: ‘pure of heart’ and will actually see God.  Christ favored the common people.  He always has, and always will.

God speaks to some Ministers on a regular basis!

Fortunately for me, I am one of those people who posses all three of these traits.  In my heart of hearts, I feel it should be mandatory to qualify as a Minister.  Although many are said to be anointed by God to administer His word properly, not all Ministers are fully qualified, nor choose to be.  Gods greatest wrath is reserved for them because they stumble and mislead His flock, which if you’ll notice, it’s just a flock, not several arguing flocks…  Ministers truly have to be a special breed of people.  You must be: constant in vigilance, compliant, enthusiastic, cunning, reasonable, persistent, forgiving, loving, disciplined, and diplomatic.  Are you all of these things?  Are you willing to set that example for other always, and for ever?  

Are you willing to not just pray, yet speak with God on a regular basis, and obey His law designed for your protection, strength and comfort?   Then you could become a Minister!  This Kingly position is not easy, and with it, the greatest responsibility on this Earth, and should not be entered into without great thought, and contemplation on the issues at hand…  You must speak to the people, as one of the people, using the language that they understand, and parables concerning their own conditions in this life and not just quote from The Bible.  The reason is to help others in God’s name, not to be a big sot and take the credit for yourself!

Signs and Visions:

Should you choose to become a Minister, the first thing God will do, is let you know He’s there for sure, in the form of a sign, or several signs if that’s what it takes.  God shows me signs He loves me all the time!

Love:  God gives me exactly, every single thing I ask for, and almost right away!  I have trouble understanding women completely, LOL, so whenever I’m up for a new one, I always ask God for a specific Nationality and conviction, character etc.  And that very thing (creature) is always, alway,always, the very first one I meet!  In fact, He doesn’t even give me breathers in-between.  Guess I’m just a handsome dog :O)

Commitment:  True to form, God has always laid my enemies at my feet, even though I have forgiven them all!  Six so far, and not long after they’ve wronged me!  There’s death in my wake so it’s actually a little spooky!  The one that’s with me right now, is getting sicker by the day, and suffering great pain and disappointment constantly, is also becoming bed-ridden.  I fear she’s on the slab for the taking.  I tell God she doesn’t mean it!  I guess she does though, cuz she’s still deteriorating.  Men aren’t safe either.  So, if you want to know me, please be kind…  (Con Line Number: 357.)

Proof:  I could tell you the the intricate design of The Creation itself that there has to be beings out there whose Intelligence greatly surpasses ours.  And that a visitation from an empathetic Being is not beyond the realm of possibility; especially when a star hovered over Bethlehem, and stars don’t hover!  I won’t though.  I told you already.  We’re looking for aliens?  We ARE aliens…  And we Do get: ‘Signs and Visions!’.  Thank you for your interest.  You may offer to help by comment, and I will be happy to offer assistance wherever need may be.







How to kill without really trying

Identifying the devastation of verbal abuse

I do apologize for not being here lately, yet when you’re constantly being belittled and abused, physically,mentally, and emotionally, and you have as a sever case of depression as I have, you don’t respond to fisticuffs, threats and guilt trips as well as someone who might actually have some self esteem.  Did I tell you I’m sleeping with the enemy?  So I really had to suffer some more down-grading and belittling smut, and shots to the head, before I could conjure something up worth writing about…

When self esteem is completely gone, we are left open to suggestion in the extreme because we’re desperate for good news, and would accept a pile of steaming, Buffalo poop as a present, if it were offered to us!  Your apatite deserts you as well.  It is at this time that a person can convince you that the only logical choice for you is suicide.  Hence, the perfect murder.  You didn’t know?  It’s available on The Internet every day, if that’s your gig.  So if your self esteem is low, you can fight that by looking at it from the view of an outsider.  See?  Don’t you look ridiculous?  LOL!  Be an observer.  Tell yourself you’re researching antisocial behavioral patterns…  Hey! Now you’re a Psychologist!  Instant self esteem :O)

Other ways to get away with murder

  • Die Laughing: Ever hear of the term: ‘Die laughing?’  That’s because you can!  That’s right, someone can literally joke you to death!  Think of how it would look to The Judge: ‘Well he was telling jokes your Honor!  Aren’t you going to give him The Gas Chamber?  Did I tell you I was a blue baby?’  LOL!  Bulletin:   My other psychopathic self just spilled my milk out, from her over-stuffed fridge (again)…  Oh well…  ‘No sense in crying over spilled milk.’
  • Looking for Mr. Good-bar: Frequent bars as much as you like.  Just don’t bring him/her home with you alone, on your first date!  This is also true with Internet meetings.  Instead, always agree to meet somewhere with a group of your friends.  Tell him/her, that you want them to get to know the people you hang with.  Then leave with your friends.  Always do this for about a month, always observing how they all interact.  If it runs away, you may have just dodged a Serial Killer.
  • Dump the body and the gun (in concrete running shoes), down The Mariana Trench:  It’s 7 miles down to the bottom of The Ocean there!  No body?  No weapon?  No physical evidence?  No crime…  Could you imagine the prosecution speaking to The Judge?  ‘Just look at that face Your Honor!  Wouldn’t you give him Old Sparky?’  If you go out on a boat with someone, let people know where you’re going. 
  • Poisoning: This is usually a womens preference.  Some poisons can disappear after ingested, and are tasteless, orderless and colorless.  If there’s someone you don’t know around you, when you go to the bathroom, take your drink with you… 
  • Exercise:  Fake a fart attack, and get someone with a weak heart to run up a hill for your nitro-pills.  If you’ve got a weak heart don’t run up a hill for someone’s nitro -pills.  Join Direct Cable!  Just dial 911 and smile a lot.  If they start turning purple, unscrew the bulb from a lamp. And with your hand on their bare chest, stick your fingers in the socket.  LOL!  Sounds like I’m trying to kill you doesn’t it?  OK then!  Wipe the slobber out of their mouths and perform artificial resuscitation.
  • Suggestion: I heard of someone who told someone to: ‘DROP DEAD!’, and two weeks later, he did!
  • Voodoo: A fate worse then death, here, a powder is blown in your face that you inhale.  Then they keep you enslaved (in a semi-conscious state) to do their bidding, what-ever that might be, forever!  I have no suggestions for that except, don’t go to Tahiti unless your in tight with The Natives.  I must be getting desperate!  Who here is leaving for Tahiti on the 8 O’clock flight?  (Insert Crickets…)

Take a Self Defense course

I believe The Police offers self defense courses to The Public.  Or if you really want to get into things, try High Karate, the amazing after-shave that gives you special Ninja powers…  Look, it’s your life, and completely up to you what you do with it.  I’m just trying to offer up some practical advice.  Now go happily slaughter one another.  LOL!  Even love can kill, without really trying!