Be careful what you wish for…

Town and Country

‘New York, New York.  So good they named it twice!’  Those tricky city people think us country folk don’t know that New York city is in New York state!  My Mummy never raised no Idgets!  It’s better to live in a swamp, foraging for frogs, than to be gnawing on a T-Bone, in the fanciest Palace in New York: ‘Radio City Music Hall!’ 

Us Canucks automatically assume New York to be be a cold, heartless, jungle; a place only fit for animals!  If that were true, all their zoos wood bee full of people!  True, there is Central Park, but that’s only one example!  LOL!  I’ve stayed in New York for three weeks, and I can tell you it’s one of the most breath taking places in the world!  And I do mean that literally.  It’s difficult to breathe!  All the Hotels are always full, so you must wander the streets…  There really ARE more cabs than people, though nobody will really talk to you; except for one lady.  I asked her how to get to Carnegie Hall, and she said: ‘Practice!’ :O(  They always try to make you drink coffee, and the song I heard played most there, was that great Elton John hit: ‘Don’t Let Your Son Go Down On Me!’  It’s not that their sky scrappers aren’t stunning, I just don’t like peoples altitude, that’s all.

Country living, on the other foot, is so warm and friendly, to the point of wanting to stay in a locked bathroom, because everybody also wants to know your business;  in fact, I have people here who never leave!  They are so friendly here, they want to all live with you, rent free for ever and ever….  I’m not saying it doesn’t have it’s advantages.  There’s plenty of fresh air, ma-newer scented but fresh, that’s for sure!  We have other kinds of blood suckers here, as well as the New York variety, though not all insects are bad.  LOL!

Up-lifting Orthotics

They make you feel like a Big Shot

I finally got my Orthotics!  Yeah!  Now I can run like the wind; I’m also very gaseous, for added jet propulsion…  I really love these very, expensive running shoes I bought from a guy, who, surprisingly enough, was also able to sell me The Brooklyn Bridge if I wanted it!  He has the actual Deed, signed by himself, and an actual, live, Witness!

The Orthotics make me about an inch taller, which really brought my self esteem up from ’0′ to ’1′…  And I love that my feet now raise very low from the ground when I run, decreasing concussion considerably, and that I can now leap like an Elk!  It’s just that when I run, people find it difficult watching TV.  Well  I don’t want to take them outside…  They’re new!  If they wanna fight about it, just let them try and catch me!

Of corpse, as it should turns out, everyone here now looks at me like you’d look at a horse, and asks me to do all their errands for them, just because I’m healthier then they are :O(  And of corpse, in return, I asserted my new found manly, prowess, and insisted they all make out separate lists so I don’t get mixed up…  It won’t be long before they tie me to a Rick-Shaw, so I can take them to go see: ‘Planet of The Grapes!’  All I can say is: ‘Be careful what you wish for!’

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Van Maanen’s Star

A different hypothesis

Though it be widely recognized today, that Jupiter sized planets that orbit close to its parent star would be too hot to support life,I give you Van Maanen’s Star!  This is a cute little guy.  Cute?  For all you intellectuals out there on pot, how about ‘intriguing’?  This star is only about the size of our Earth, having burned off it’s outer layers, and is now only a white dwarf some 3 billion years old…  Here’s the intriguing part.  Though stars loose their outer, gas layers, they still retain much of the density of the star before it blasted, or farted its gas away, depending on variations in density throughout the star when it poofed itself out; this in turn reflects its chemical make-up.  Although being less than 1% of our sun’s size, Van Maanen still weighs in at about 68% of our sun’s mass!

This means, it is still possible for a Jupiter sized planet to be brought in close, after the stars death throws have occurred.  This would give the star a chance to cool, allowing for a ‘goldilocks zone’, where life can flourish.  This is my own hypothesis, and in no way reflect what Astronomers might necessarily propose today.  I certainly believe, under these types of conditions, the possibility exists; though imagining a Jupiter sized planet orbiting this pin point of a star, is a bit of a stretch, nothing ‘out there’ surprises me any more!  There are magic mushrooms the size of Redwoods out there!

What else is of interest?

It’s not ‘what’ a person sees through his/her telescope, that fills them with such awe and mystery, so much as does the information behind what it is we’re looking at!  Alone, that this star is about the size of the Earth, gives us some excellent perspective on distance, size, and brightness!  It’s about 4.3 parsecs from us.  Do the math.  A parsec is about 3 light years.  So that comes out to 13.9 light years (one light year is about 6 trillion miles).  Yet this star is visible through an 8 inch lens, on a night with ‘clear’ seeing, having an absolute magnitude of 14.8, and a lesser apparent magnitude of 12.9, because of its extremely close proximity to us; absolute magnitude reflects it’s true brightness, where-as apparent magnitude shows us what a star would look like from Earth, if it were positioned precisely 32 light years away.  Also, there’s one unconfirmed sighting of a companion star, though nothing is visible within 1200 AUs (Astronomical units.  One unit equals 93 million miles, or the distance from The Earth to The Sun.

Read all about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Van_Maanen%27s_star or information about any star using Wikipedia’s own search engine.  This charming neighbour in the scheme of things resembles just how our sun (Sol) will look 5 billion years from now…  Lets put on our star caps now, (really, just a cap with a lot of paint splatters on it) and celebrate big balls of gas, with a Bean Barito from Taco Bell :O)

General Relativity

Proof I’m a Twit!

How I resemble a pregnant goldfish…

    I go to The ‘Foot Doctor’ ( Toes ‘R’ Us ), and got fitted for Orthotics.  Waited forever for the results to come back from what must be a group of trained Scientists that asked me to walk up to the reception desk and back…  Finally, after six weeks, they are approved.  Then I go to the foot store, and buy only the very finest sneakers from Singapore!  First, I was asked to walk up to the cash register and back; it was determined I am flat footed, and that my right foot bends inward.  This is why my shoes absolutely had to come from Singapore!  Tricky Devils!  I know what they’re up to.  They’re trying to make a profit!  I’m on to them though, and next time I’ll ask them for something from Taiwan!

So to make a short story longer, I came home with my orthopaedic fitted clod hoppers (apparently, in Singapore, I’m a size 13!  Huh…  Tiny people equipped with shoes for Big Foot.  That’s odd), ran 60 feet up to the corner, got tired, came home, threw the shoes out, and watched TV.  I know what you’re all thinking: ‘So what did you watch?’  I like The Simpsons…  I think Homer is a genius!  Now you’re thinking: ‘Yup…  He’s a Twit alright!’

Canadian I.Q. Test

  • Without looking or using your fingers, how many toes are on your right foot?
  • Using only your mind, how long is an inch worm?
  • Think you’re smart eh?  Pi r squared, or round?

How to avoid work

Use the gag reflex

If anyone even mentions lifting more than 5 pounds, turn the other way, stick your finger down your throat, and puke on their rug!  In my case, I get tired as soon as I get up, and need a nap right away…  In fact, I consider just getting up, a major achievement!  Usually I don’t get up until the sun comes up…  In march…  I’m a tad late this year.  <YAWN!> 

There are lots of ways to get out of helping people.  My friend Marcus asked me to help him clean up his back-yard.  There’s a giant, cut up tree back there; briers, weeds, a car wreck, and tall grass!  Well wouldn’t you know?  It was then that I suddenly bent down to pick up a fly, and developed sever back pain!  I crumpled to the floor like a wrecked paper aeroplane!  There, breathless, with just moments to live (seemingly), I pulled Marcus close to me, and whispered: ‘Get your Mom to help you.’  It’s OK.  She’s only 78, and is still spry enough to lift a twig or two…  What if I should permanently damage my guitar playing finger? (Using all four is too strenuous…)

I used to call in to work complaining of a headache, with heavy rock music playing in the back-ground.  They already knew, I never work longer than an hour without asking The Boss for a few weeks off…  I figure, I may as well get that in early, so he knows I mean business!  Even as I struggle to find the words, I’d like to go float in a donut with a large Mai Tai!

Lost in space

Even feeding myself is exhausting…

I swear (Gosh darn!), if it wasn’t for take out, I’d starve to death; all that prep work getting The TV Dinner in and out of The Microwave!  And that adhesive plastic, locking in your desert forever!  How do you even manage?  I never get out of bed, unless there’s a fire, and even then, it’s only to turn on my fan…  No.  What I recommend, is just walking around aimlessly, and doing nothing.  Well, my typing finger is getting soar now…  I’d take a typing class, but why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?

And after all these years of trying to make my brain have a thought, I’ve finally come to a contusion as to what it is that makes me so tired all the time…  Gravity!

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Mary Jane

What would a ‘Pot-Head’ world be like?

    Well, we already know because everyone’s on Social Assistance.  Contrary to popular belief, you can’t all just smoke a joint, and sit around in a circle, waiting for something stupid to happen.  You must go in search of your own stupidity!  If your quest is for a quick giggle while stoned, looking in the mirror sometimes will do the trick;  it’s like trying to deny you’re really looking at a picture of: ‘Goofy!’  That’s right, your I.Q drops to 0.1…  You can understand and comprehend things while stoned on pot, you’re just not willing to do very much about them at the time. 

So I thought it might be a good idea to invent some kind of Pot-Head board game to keep you amused: ‘Trivial Per Toot!’  The object of the game to smoke enough hemp to bring The Fire Department, and then answer daffy questions, perform stupid tricks.  You need only make the game 10 minutes long because everyone will think it was longer.  By then, everyone will have become dribbling idiots anyway.  And the last card on the deck should always say: ‘Order a large Pizza!’

You could establish your own church!

‘Our Lady of the Dibbling Idiots!’  Our center of worship would of corpse be food!  Shouldn’t it be mandatory that every drug induced coma include at least a dozen donuts anyway?  We could take over the Catholic church up the road from me: ‘Our lady of Filthy and Disgusting Internet Porn.’  We could romp and play in the woods, and throw flowers around, finally wandering about aimlessly, with nothing to do…

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Does God approve of our smoking a carcinogenic weed?

Does He approve of our smoking cigarettes?  And why aren’t there laws against that if it can be just as harmful to you?  Weed, or: ‘Cannabis eat’m Up-a-Puss’, as it’s known to the indigenous, jungle people of Scarborough Ontario, is not harmful when consumed in small quantities, requiring the usual steam shovels and bull dozers, so you can stock up for the winter.  Yeah!  That’s it!  Stock up for the winter 

Does it have any redeeming qualities?  Yes…  Most people smoke about 4 pounds per day for medical porpoises.  I think, like most drugs, it’s often abused; in some cases, people forgetting their own names, and eating the leaves from trees! Plus, laughing and side splitting belly aches can lead to terrible things like nourishment, a better mood, and not to forget, a good dump!

Should it be legalized?

No…  It should be decriminalized!   If it’s legalized, and I think it is now in Colorado, The Government will sell it to you for a lot more than you get it for now.   They want 36% tax!  Considering more testing need be done, several monkeys were given a few marijuana cigarettes under controlled conditions…  Currently, they’ve been spotted in Manhattan, making deals, and pigging out on banana splits!

The Dodo’s

Dodo

The real: ‘Last of The Dodo’s’

    Your average Dodo was not the most clever animal that ever lived.  Unfortunately, they couldn’t fly.  And they couldn’t out-run their predators. They had little or no defences!  So they tried dogging them with the old: ‘Dodiot do do do!’ (a kind of dogging technique that looked more like a dance!)  Anyway, it didn’t work.  They were all caught and eaten; hence the saying: ‘Hello Dodo!’ Meaning: ‘I haven’t seen you in a while…’

Unknown to the general, virtual public, a few Denver Dodos from Colorado, hid in a raspberry bush, and have in fact survived to this day; hence the new name of our band: ‘The Dodo’s!’  After all, we should be extinct at our age!  And as a band, we do act a lot like Dodos!  In fact, we may just ask the Artist if we can use his picture for our first album cover :O)

How the new Dodo’s give you: ‘The Slip!’

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   What the new Dodo’s have finally learned to dodo, is to kick predators away with their enormous, smelly feet!  Or in this case, ‘foot.’  He lost one in an attack :O(  God certainly didn’t equip them with a plethora of defence mechanisms.  It has a beak suitable for little more than cracking jokes!  And why the tiny wings?  Perhaps they’re for traffic signalling…  If only we could find enough Dodos to do the job, we could do away with traffic signal-lights forever!  And what’s the fluffy, cotton-tail for?  Makeup?  Painting?  A preventative, insulator to prevent haemorrhoids?  What?

Baby Dodo?  Not too bright!

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    What can you do do?  This fledgling Dodo won’t leave the toilet in case it should have to go… <Sigh>  What a Dumb Dumb!  Any Dodo knows there are now people lobbying as I speak, to get: ‘Diapers for Dodo’s!’  As you can see, its feet are already enormous and smelly…  It could fall in a tar-pit at you’d never see it :O(

You don’t believe that Dodo’s still exist?

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Babylon the Great

Definition:

The world empire of false religion, embracing all religions whose teachings and practices that do not conform to the worship of Jehovah, the only true God. Following the flood of Noah’s day, false religion had its beginning at Babel (later known as Babylon; (Gen. 10:8-10; 11: 4-9) In time, Babylonian religious beliefs and practices spread to many lands.Sp Babylon the Great became a fitting name for false religion as a whole.

What evidence points toward Babylon the Great, referred to in Revelations?

It could not be the ancient city of Babylon.  Relations was written at the end of the first century C.E. and describes events that would reach down to our day. The encyclopedia America says: ‘The city of Babylon was taken under Cyrus the Great in 539 B.C.  Later Alexander the Great planned to make the capital of his eastern empire, but after his death Babylon began to loose importance.’  Today the city is an uninhabited ruin.

In the symbolism of revelation, Babylon the Great is referred to as a ‘great city,’ a Kingdom that rules other Kings. (Rev. 17:18) Like a city it would have many organizations within it; and like a kingdom that includes other kings in its domain, it would be international in scope.  It is described as having relations with political rulers and contributing much to the wealth of men in commerce, while itself becoming a third element that ‘has become a dwelling place of demons’ and a persecutor of prophets and of holy ones.’ – Rev. 18:2, 9-17, 24.